Billy

Beside the Madison Pub, just down the street from where we live, there is a little park. A number of homeless people hang-out there, and due to the nature of some of their activities, it’s become known as Hand Job Park.

I often pass Hand Job Park as I take our dog Heidi for a walk, and as fate would have it, I’ve become friendly with Billy, one of the men who spends time there.

Because I have really lousy teeth and travel with an oxygen tank, Billy believes that I am a reformed crackhead, and am thus something of an inspiration to him, evidence that you can turn your life around and one day inhabit a beautiful family. As such, he’s always asking me for advice, and I have taken on the unofficial role as Billy’s Life Coach.

Every Sunday, I walk down to the park, talk to him about his week, and give him a written list of daily goals for the next week. This was my last list:

Monday:

Find public fountain and wash clothes.

Scavenge with your head, not your heart. Look for healthy, nutritional garbage opportunities such as a discarded smoothie, for instance!

Say it out loud to yourself, again and again, “My name is Billy and I will Scavenge Smart!”

Walk for at least six hours.

Learn how to tune guitar.

Affirmation of the day: THERE IS A GIFT FOR ME IN EVERYTHING THAT I EXPERIENCE.

Tuesday:

When busking, perhaps do it in front of Shopper’s instead of the liquor store? Why tempt yourself? Remember Billy, GOOD CHOICES.

Stay away from Hyena’s Old Lady. Remember what happened last time she gave you a hand job?

Walk for at least six hours.

Practice guitar for an hour.

Affirmation of the day: THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE NOT REAL. I AM IN CONTROL.

Wednesday:

Today I would like you to go some place quiet (perhaps the Green P Carpark) and center yourself with some light stretching and meditation. Be mindful, Billy. Feel the sun upon your skin and hear the birds singing. You are not separate from nature, but are a perfect and integral component of nature.

Surrender to oneness. Think of everything in your life (guitar, Bo Jackson football jersey, etcetera) that you are grateful for and carry that with you throughout the day like it was a weapon in your backpack.

Remember to walk at least six hours.

Practice guitar for an hour.

Affirmation of the day: THE PAST IS OVER AND MY FUTURE IS NOW!

Thursday:

While busking, take an interest in the lives of those passing by. Remember, they’re people, too. However, remember not to take too intense an interest in the lives of the nearby Sorority girls.

Although you may mean “spicy” as a compliment, they may not take it that way.

Just because you’re homeless doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of society. Make inquiries into joining Choir! Choir! Choir!

Walk for six and a half hours.

Practice guitar for one.

Love yourself for twenty-four. : )

Affirmation of the day: EVERY MOMENT I STEP INTO THE WONDERFUL UNKNOWN

Friday:

Treat yourself to a nice wash in a public fountain.

Feel rejuvenated, in love with yourself and the world around you!

As today marks the opening of the Olympic Games in Rio,

why not jazz up business with a Brazilian theme? When strumming your guitar, add some latin flair! Try to scavenge for food that is unique to Brazil, and if one of the voices in your head speaks Portuguese, have a conversation with it!

Today is a reward day, so score some dope or booze if you can and celebrate the beautiful life that is Billy!

Affirmation of the day: REMEMBER TO GIVE HAND JOBS AND NOT JUST RECEIVE THEM!