Chomsky on the beach

On Wednesday, as Rachelle and I were waiting to pass through customs into Barbados, we saw a man who looked exactly like famous intellectual and dissident Noam Chomsky. We were in one of those serpentine lines and he was only a few feet away from me, so I decided to start a conversation and see if it was him.

Me: You coming to Barbados for the big surf competition, Soup Bowl?

Man who looked like Chomsky: What?

Me: Barbados. The surf competition. It’s like their version of the Super Bowl, only in water.

Man who looked like Chomsky: No, I have other business, although I do like the beach.

Me: I’d like to surf but I’m scared. I used to be scared of sharks when I was a boy but now I’m scared of jellyfish. They’re taking over the oceans.

Man who looked like Chomsky: (Said nothing)

Me: Are you Noam Chomsky?

Man who looked like Chomsky: Yes.

Me: WOW!! I thought so!

Chomsky: (Nods)

Me: So, what’s up with Occupy Wall Street?

Rachelle: (In a whisper-hiss) Pickle, be quiet, for the love of God!

Chomsky: I don’t know what you mean.

Me: I hear they’re buying up debt from collection agencies and then forgiving it. I would LOVE it if they bought some of my debt. Do you have any sway in that?

Chomsky: No, I don’t.

Me: You know, you’ve really shaped a lot of minds over the decades. I bet a lot of college kids name their pets after you. Thousands of dogs and cats named Chomsky.

Rachelle: I’m sorry, my husband is dehydrated and only slept for an hour last night. Please forgive us.

Chomsky: I see.

Me: If I was an anarchist like you I wouldn’t wait in line. I’d just charge right through, upset the system and start a revolution by hitting the beach!

Chomsky: You do like the sound of your own voice, don’t you?

Me: I’m just social and maybe a little nervous meeting you, I guess.

Chomsky: I’m sorry, I just need to be alone with my thoughts, okay?

(Several minutes pass)

Me: You’re going to be really hot wearing that corduroy jacket on the island, you know.

Chomksy: (Ignores me)

Me: (Whispering to Rachelle) I can’t believe he has a corporate logo on his laptop bag. Adidas? Really? They must have paid for his trip.

Rachelle: (Whisper-hiss) Just find your passport and shut-up, okay?

(Awkward silence for the rest of our wait to customs)