Christie Pits

On Sunday I went to Christie Pits to watch the semi-pro Toronto Maple Leafs take on the Hamilton Cardinals in an Intercounty League game of baseball. There was a more or less accidental splash of people on the hillsides sloping down to Dominico Field, everybody seemingly there just to catch some sun on a slow-forming afternoon.

A father and his two young daughters walked by on the path beside me, and the dad commented to his girls that it was great that there was a baseball game on in the park for everybody. The youngest girl, the one who might have been four, looked at him like he was crazy, “Not really, you know you can only watch them play, right Daddy?”

A skinny woman somewhere in her 50’s jumped about behind home plate encouraging the Leafs. She had spiky, blonde hair and was wearing a two-piece Lycra workout suit that she’d pulled up over her paunchy stomach to the belly button. Her thing, it seemed, which may well have been her workout, was to trot off after the foul balls and return them to the coaches. It was clear that this wasn’t an official position, but rather a chosen one.

Not far from her was a guy in a lawn chair with opinions.

He thought that the strike zone was too big.

He couldn’t believe that a hotdog stand existed without Rob Ford at it.

The second baseman couldn’t catch the flu.

When the spiky-haired woman ran off after another foul ball, he piped up, “I can’t believe they’re so cheap that they make you give the balls back!”

The woman seemed almost insulted by this and turned toward him, her hands on her hips, and in a chippy, defiant voice said, “The game’s for free, they don’t make no money and they’d go broke if they were giving away the balls!”

Lawn chair: That’s crap, you gotta think big, you gotta think marketing! If they gave the balls away this place would be packed and they’d have sponsors all over the place!”

Spiky-haired woman: You just want something for nothing.

Lawn Chair: When I was a kid they gave ‘em out for free!

Spiky-haired woman: Well, this ain’t the 60’s!

Lawn Chair: Jesus, I’m not that old! (But he looked like he was) That just shows you don’t know shit!

Spiky-haired woman: Yeah, you are too that old, and you know what? The reason you’re griping about the balls is because you ain’t got none!

And then the second baseman booted the ball and the guy in the lawn chair used this distraction and started to shout at him, “Goddamn it, can’t you guys do anything right!” and as he yelled the spiky-haired woman kept looking right at him, satisfied that she’d protected her turf.