Excerpts from Milan Lucic’s anti-bullying book for children

Hulking and easily agitated, Boston Bruins truculent winger Milan Lucic isn’t just an NHL star who was recently bounced from the playoffs, but is also the co-author of a children’s book called “ Not Cool To Bully In School.”

Here are some excerpts from his book:

“ Young Luke was a very popular and utterly super boy who all the other kids in primary school looked up to. He had star qualities, was big for his age, and if you weren’t cool and sang in Choir! Choir! Choir! or did something else gay, Luke would let you know with his fists and sharp, insulting words. Luke was a force of nature, as powerful as a great Serbian earthquake and seen by many as the policeman of the schoolyard. “

“Young Luke broke his glasses with one mighty blow and the Oriental child fell to the ground weeping. “That will teach you to count in Chinese!” Luke bellowed, and his voice was like thunder caught on the wind. He kicked him one final time in the back. As Luke stood there with his fists held aloft in victory, all the other weak children applauded and trembled. It was at this moment, normally the best part of his day, that Luke noticed Vice Principle Lewis watching him.”

“The office Vice Principle Lewis worked in smelt like an old car that a poor person might drive. “Listen Luke, “ the decrepit Lewis began, “ you are an absolutely great kid and a terrific hockey player. You’re going to make the NHL one day and nothing is going to stop you. Make no mistake, we will have parades in your honour and you will have babies with many beautiful women, but I have to tell you that I have been getting some complaints from whiny parents about your dominance over the other children. It’s causing me some headaches. Do you think you could conquer the children and teach them lessons off of school property? Remember, it’s not cool to bully in school.” Luke appreciated the respect that the old man showed him.”

“It wasn’t that long ago that Luke had lost his virginity (to a developed girl in grade eight) and having just played Grand Theft Auto for three hours, Luke was feeling pretty good about himself. It was at this point, while on his way to school, that he saw a little boy who walked funny take his juice box out of his knapsack. People who walked funny always made Luke feel weird, so he grabbed him and began yelling, calling him “A little crip!” Just as Luke was about to punch him, he remembered what Vice Principle Lewis had said to him, “It’s not cool to bully in school.” As Luke lived by the code, he dragged the little, crippled boy off of school property and began to beat him up in an area that became know as the Thunderdome, a place where Luke was to become famous for keeping the schoolyard hierarchies in order.”