God Wants You To Make Money

God wants you to be rich.

With a proven track record stretching over millennia, He can show you how to make money! All you have to do is subscribe to His Twitter feed @TheLordIsAMoneyMaker and you will receive up to the date financial advice from the undisputed leader in the industry.

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@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Your death is certain! It is best you get your finances in order now!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: There is but one true God! And he knows money!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: The name of the game: To reap where you did not sow and gather where you scattered no seed.

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Do not tip your slaves with cash or jewelry, and always remember your tithe.

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: “D” is for discipline in spending, not debt! The fires will consume those in debt!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: The Lord himself created the real estate bubble and cannot recommend it to the first time buyer.

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Looking for a rock solid investment? http://ow.ly/rS30v

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Shopify’s naked ambition displeases the Lord almighty! They fly too high! Sell!!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Avoid investing in companies that make contraceptives, conduct embryonic stem-cell research or contribute corporate funds to Planned Parenthood, for I will smite them!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: The Lord is displeased with China, invest in America, for she is the favourite amongst my nation children!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Bearish on Bitcoins. Sign of the End Times. Proceed with caution.

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Grow your emergency funds. Prepare don’t predict. Soon fire and pestilence will cover the lands!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: My son did many great things with his life, but financial planning was not one of them. Don’t you make the same mistakes he did!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Take the New York Rangers over the Winnipeg Jets by two.

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker:  Waste not thy fortune on harlots and drink!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Sufficient nutrition will soon be scarce, Hormel Food Corp will prove an appetizing investment!

@TheLordIsAMoneyMaker: Worship no other God but I, for I am THE money maker.