Heidi Blog

Today I have given the Blog over to Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund:

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Heidi no fool.

She see writing on the wall.

When furless four-legged fuckface come into pack, Heidi knew everything go to hell.

Suddenly two-leggers no longer notice Heidi.

Everything become about messy-face drool monkey.

Disgust Heidi.

No-fur pathetic excuse for a dog! No know how to bark, stupid and weak, and move like broken wing bird! Heidi destroy in fight, just destroy! Most boring, ugly dog on planet, and this new pack Alpha??? Heidi so upset not even want to eat own throw-up!!

Heidi look on her vision board.

Does Heidi see new loser dog on her vision board?

No, no she does not.

This is not part of Heidi plan!

All very stressful.

“Peace is within my reach,” Heidi say to self, “peace is within my reach,” but it do no good.

Heidi just want to kill!!

Rip open squirrel or other animal!!

Heidi want blood everywhere!!

Before two-leggers make big fuss over Heidi. Heidi so cute they going to die, everyone come running because they cannot resist Heidi cuteness. Heidi two-legger magnet with cuteness factor 10. Heidi get everything she want. Used to rub belly and call me Heidi Potter and her magic smells, but now no belly rub, and no love in voices. Like Heidi Potter and her magic smells now insult, you know? All two-leggers do is just shout, “NOHEIDINO!! BAD DOG!!!” and run to crappy, no-fur dog talking to it the way they used to talk to Heidi!

So two-faced!

Heidi hate them all!!

Heidi going to run away. Maybe find Capybaras that escape from zoo, form new pack and become celebrities.

Heidi know drummer for Burton Cummings, maybe find him and go on tour with band. Get out on road, explore world, feel the music.

RUN AWAY JOURNAL

Day One

When four-eyed two-legger opened front door, Heidi run to freedom. Heidi so fast! Black and tan lightning! All senses pulsing, Heidi so alive!! And then Heidi see squirrel. Fat squirrel. Heidi chase squirrel, “BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!!!” Heidi lost in moment. Two-legger then call Heidi and Heidi go back into den, forget she ran away.
Day Two

Raining. Heidi no run away.

Day Three

Cloudy. Look like might rain. Heidi no run away.

Day Four

Heidi smell meat steak. Heidi decide to stay for meat steak, but then no meat steak for dinner! Healthy Choice Pumpkin Squash Ravioli. Heidi furious!

Heidi resolve to run away redoubled!!

Day Five

Heidi escape!

Very dramatic!!

Heidi run past squirrel! Heidi very focused! Heidi run past interesting smell! Heidi run past pigeon! Then Heidi see workman eating lunch on front steps of nearby den. Heidi act very cute. Put on A-game. Heidi get some pizza. Heidi so skilled at begging it almost too easy. Heidi free, can do anything she like! Maybe start Instagram account and then get into politics. Work with Justin Trudeau.

But Heidi decide to join workman pack first. Heidi hang around. Workman bring Heidi into Ms. Ocampo’s den next door. He fixing sink. Den smell of the past and things forgotten. Sit and watch CSI repeats with Ms. Ocampo.

She calls Heidi, “ang aking maliit na anak na babae nawala,” all the time. Later, workman brings old, bad pack into new den and they act all happy to see Heidi, like best day of their lives. Heidi still mad and try not to wag tail, but still Heidi wag tail. When leave, wet-eye Ms. Ocampo waves through window, blows Heidi little kiss.