Heidi Blog

Today I have given the Blog over to Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund:

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Heidi like to party.

It true.

No big deal, just how Heidi unwind and have good time! Sometimes booze or drug act as social lubricant so Heidi can have sex with anonymous dogs.

Very exciting! Very, very hot!! Heidi love that, fun times!

Heidi always in control, though. Heidi could stop partying anytime she want. Heidi not on drug and alcohol leash, Heidi have dextroamphetamine on leash! Heidi always in charge! But then one night Heidi partying and Heidi begin to dig hole. Dig, dig, dig!! Heidi could not stop digging! Heidi crazy with digging! Would not notice if cheeseburger fell on Heidi’s head! In some sort of dig trance! And then suddenly Heidi come to and realize she have no idea why digging! Heidi not even know where she was!

Later, video of Heidi digging hit YouTube. Heidi not look right. Collar hanging all loose and stained, tail wagging strange and jerky. Heidi feel shame, Heidi bad dog that night.

Made Heidi stop and think.

Did Heidi have problem?

Heidi consider.

It true memory getting bad.

Always forgetting where bone is.

Sometimes have blackout and no remember how end up covered in mud. So embarrassing. Feel irritable all the time, especially if have to do stupid trick for treat! HEIDI HATEHATEHATEHATE THAT! AND WHEN TWO-LEGGERS MAKE HEIDI WEAR CUTE OUTFIT?!! HEIDI WANT TO DESTROY AND RIP TO SHREDS!! HEIDI WANT RIVERS OF BLOOD TO FLOW!!

Maybe Heidi have anger problem and not party problem. Maybe anger root and party only tree. Heidi take quiz to find out.

Q. How often do you become angry in a normal day?

Not all bark angry bark, but probably 3, 500 time a day.

Q. Do other people comment on your anger?

Heidi told BAD DOG all the time! MAKE HEIDI SO ANGRY COULD BITE BABY FACE OFF!!

Q. Do you believe you are critical of yourself and others?

No, Heidi good dog, very good dog. Two-leggers moron. Birds morons.

Cats morons. Bugs morons. Squirrels morons. So many, many morons!

Q. Do you tend to blame others for your bad luck or unhappiness?

Heidi have to say yes, it very true observation!!

Q. Do you frequently find yourself starting or participating in arguments?

Stupid question! Heidi stand up for what right! Twitter bring out troll-stupids and Heidi have to set them on fire!! You no want to get in flame war with Heidi!

Q. Have you damaged property during an angry outburst?

Yes.

Q. Have you ever physically harmed another person during an angry outburst?

Of course, Heidi great warrior! Heidi Dachshund! Whole point is to kill, it why Heidi go for neck!!

Q. Have you ever been charged with a violent crime?

Heidi no answer this question. Pass.

Q. Do you keep any weapons at home?

Heidi is weapon, motherfucker.

Heidi deadly weapon.

She bring you close with her velvet ears and coco bean eyes, then game over!