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Leaked Transcript

Locker Room Talk with Trump

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The other day President-elect Donald Trump gathered his cabinet together for a round of golf and some frank talk about America.

trump-golfing

A transcript of their conversation in the locker room of Trump National Golf Course in Westchester, NY was leaked to the press:

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ross

Wilbur Ross, Commerce Secretary:

Hey, you bitches know Florida, right?

 

mad-dog

General James “Mad Dog” Mattis, Defense Secretary:

Total smoke show.

 

WASHINGTON, DC - NOVEMBER 19: U.S. Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL) talks to reporters as he arrives at the Senate Republican weekly policy luncheon November 19, 2013 on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC. Senate Republicans participated in the luncheon to discuss Republican agendas. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Jeff Sessions, Attorney General:

That baby got back!

 

mike-pence

Mike Pence, Vice President-elect:

Testify!

 

Donald Trump, President-elect:

I love her coasts. Superb coasts. The best coasties in all of America. I love to get right in there, stick my face in the them and just splash them all around.

priebus

Reince Priebus, White House Chief of Staff:

It is no Russian propaganda that you sir, are the the greatest man on the planet!

 

Jeff Sessions, Attorney General:

You da man! Big dog always huntin’!

 

ben-carson-jesus

Ben Carson, Housing and Urban Development Secretary:

She ever let you into her Everglades?

 

Donald Trump, President-elect:

Let me tell you, her Everglades are very exclusive, like so, so super exclusive that you wouldn’t even believe, and let me tell you, I have been to her Everglades many, many, many times. She can’t get enough. When I’m with her, I make it rain.

 

Reince Priebus, White House Chief of Staff:

You’re the RainMaker, sir!

 

General James “Mad Dog” Mattis, Defense Secretary:

I once had a layover in Delaware. Did some real drilling there, let me tell you, yeah, some real drilling.

 

Donald Trump, President-elect:

Delaware?! She’s a village bicycle. Disease infested. Strictly bottom-rung. Not even a 6 out of 10.

 

Jeff Sessions, Attorney General:

Yo, you better get yourself checked by your doctor, could have the crabs.

 

Donald Trump, President-elect:

Brain Surgeon!” Give The General here an examination, tell us if Delaware gave him the clap.

 

Ben Carson, Housing and Urban Development Secretary:

I can tell from here he’s got SDD, Small Dick Disease, and that it’s terminal!

small-dick

 

Mike Pence, Vice President-elect:

That sick burn pleases the Lord!!

 

( High-fives and laughter from all)

 

Reince Priebus, White House Chief of Staff:

Anyone playing Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare?

cod-infinite-warfare-mp-0005-1500x835

 

Wilbur Ross, Commerce Secretary:

Fucking rules. Took three Ativan and played it for eight straight hours last night.

 

Reince Priebus, White House Chief of Staff:

Zombie mode is the tits!

 

Donald Trump, President-elect:

Okay, okay, girls, let’s focus. Listen up. Okay. There’s a black guy and a Mexican in a car. Who is driving?

(The cabinet is silent)

 

Donald Trump, President-elect:

The cop!!

 

(The cabinet howls with laughter!)

 

Jeff Sessions, Attorney General:

You got to Tweet that one, President-elect!

 

Donald Trump, President-elect:

Okay, who lost that round of golf? Was it Ross the Loss? No? “Brain Surgeon”? Was it you? Bad Hombre Priebus? No, okay we’ll make it Sloppy Second Pence. Pence you’re today’s loser and have to buy us all dinner. Has to be an exceptional meal, super exceptional, the very best, and if it is, I’ll bring out those Sarah Palin hot tub pics I was telling you about.

 

sarah-palin

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