My intersection with the TV show Nikita

Tuesday around lunchtime our doorbell rang. This sent the dog into an explosion of hysterical and frantic barking. I picked her up under my arm like a football and opened the door to find a woman standing there holding a green sheet of paper. The first thing I thought was that she was about to file a noise complaint based on the barking of our dog, but no, she was with the television show Nikita and was serving notice that they were going to be shooting on our street on Friday.

Me: Are you Nikita?

Woman: No, it’s just my job to hand out these notifications.

Me: Who is Nikita?

Woman: The role is played by Maggie Q.

Me: Maggie Q?

Woman: Yes, it’s her third season in the role. She leads a black ops organization in charge of hunting down rogue spies all over the world. Very thrilling and dramatic!

Me: That sounds like a job with a lot of responsibility. Am I suspected of being a rogue spy?

Woman: Well, I’m not sure, I’d have to ask Nikita.

Me: Could you do that, please. I’m going to have to juggle a few things around if I’m going to be hunted.

To my surprise the woman seemed amused and picked up her phone and called Maggie Q, the actress who plays Nikita.

Woman: Maggie, hi, it’s Janet. I’m just doing a flyer run on the street where we’re going to be shooting on Friday and a man here needs to know if you’re going to be hunting him down as a rogue spy. Yes, I think he must have a past.

Me: Let me speak to her.

Woman: Maggie, he has me hostage. He has spy skills. He’s demanding to speak to you.

The woman then handed me the phone.

Me: Maggie, what sort of assurances can you give me that I won’t be harmed during the shooting of this episode?

Maggie Q: You have full assurances.

Me: I need to know more about what’s going to be shot. I frequently take the dog for a walk and for a spy I’m surprisingly clumsy. Are you going to be kicking people or wielding a sword? I would consider those hazardous activities.

Maggie Q: Mostly, I’ll be looking sultry and intense. My hair will be messy but still sexy and I’ll be forced to point a gun at somebody. My look will suggest it hurts me more than it hurts them.

Me: (Covering the phone and speaking to the woman who was now scratching the ears of our dog, Heidi) She says she might have to kill somebody.

Woman: Well that’s unfortunate. Let me speak with her, maybe I can persuade her to change her mind. (The woman turned her back to me and there was muffled talking.)

Woman: Okay, here’s the deal, Maggie will pass on the killing if you agree to be an extra in a shot, we think an older-dad type walking his little dog down the street might be the perfect illustration of how Nikita keeps the innocent and helpless safe from the dangers of the world. What do you say?

Me: But I’m a rogue spy.

Woman: (Smiling) Oh, no, I’m sorry, but you’re so not.