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Rebrand for Toronto’s Bixi Bikes

pussy-wagon

Toronto’s bike sharing program– formerly known as Bixi– was characterized by massive, clunky black bikes that exhausted looking tourists– hoping for a whimsical zip through the downtown of the city– could be seen walking along the side of the road.

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Not only were the bikes like riding something from the 19th century, but the program struggled financially and has been being rebranded to “Bike Share Toronto,” and is currently looking for a new corporate sponsor.

I have submitted a list of new names for “Bike Share Toronto” hoping that they might prove appealing to the public and sponsorship!

 

1. Le Dificyle

This name will honour Canada’s bilingual nature, the city of Toronto’s multicultural character and be completely up front about how hard it is to ride the massive bike.

 

2. World Class Bicycles

This name would highlight Toronto’s status as a World Class City.

 

3. The Bumbaclot

Inspired by Rob Ford, the world’s greatest Mayor, this name harkens back to his drug fuelled rant in Jamaican patois that was filmed at the Steak Queen. Bumbaclot, as everyone now knows, is Jamaican slang for a cloth or rag used for menstrual blood before tampons were widely available, an accurate reflection of contempt considering how most people feel about the rental bikes after using one.

steak queen

 

4. The Film Festival Flash (Triple F)

Tying in with Toronto’s World Class International Film Festival, this name will publicize the great event and all the stars, posers and wannabes who populate the streets during it’s run, and the bikes will also be promoted as a safe and alcohol-friendly conveyance by which to get from party to party!

 

5. The Velociraptor

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Piggybacking on the success of the Toronto Raptors basketball team, and cleverly using the French word for bicycle as a nod to Toronto’s great multicultural personality, the Velociraptor would make for a stellar moniker for the bike rentals! (Suggestion: dinosaur arms holding a basket protruding from handlebars of bike)

 

6.   The Catapult

Given that the streetcar tracks all over the city streets spell doom for cyclists, especially those (tourists) not familiar with the roads, and typically catapult cyclists into cars and streetlights, the Catapult is a perfect name for the bikes.

catapult

 

7. LAGFPPS’s (Little Above Ground Foot-Powered Private Subways)

In keeping with Rob Ford’s promise to bring more subways to Toronto, this name will revolutionize the public’s perception of just what a subway is and will, as usual, save the taxpayer billions of dollars.

 

8. The Ton O’ Fun

This playful name will combine the weight of the bike with the joy of cycling, making an adventure on the city streets as much fun as a carnival ride!

 

9. The Ontarian

A classic homage to this great province in which we live!

 

10.  The Pussy Wagon

This name, once again inspired by Toronto’s Mayor, references his statement that he “has more than enough pussy to eat at home.”  Gritty, urban and controversial, it gives Toronto the World Class, Tarantinoesque edge it has always sought.

pussy-wagon

2 Comments Post a comment
  1. Vincent #

    Why so negative about bikeshare? The bikes are comfy, sturdy city bikes, same as the bikes in 500 systems the world over…

    ???

    April 4, 2014
  2. Michael Murray #

    You know, I think it’s a great program, and it makes sense that the bikes are “sturdy,” but I have never seen anybody riding one who looked like they were enjoying themselves. It just looked like way more work than they were willing to put into the project and would have much preferred to splurge on a cab, walk or take the bus.

    April 4, 2014

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