Selling Our Honda Accord On Craig’s List
Do you believe in the future?
In fact, like the great dissolute songstress Whitney Houston, I believe that children are our future. If we treat them well, they will shovel the driveway, or something. They will be like little slaves, which is why I want one. However, unless some sort of dodgy “miracle” takes place, I won’t be having any little slaves in the future. You see, after taking an ill-advised vacation in Cuba, I was rendered, “un hombre con un conteo de espermatozoides diminuto, pequeño,” and without the intervention of science, my wife and I will never be able to have the little slaves we’ve always dreamed about.
Now, we’re poor people, and the only way we can afford the expenses of tinkering with God’s will, is to sell our car, a stunning sex machine of a Honda Accord Sedan LX. This little dreamboat was born in 2006 and has the gentlest 137,700 Km on it you can imagine. It’s like all it’s kilometerage was acquired under doctor’s supervision. It’s sapphire blue, the same colour you always wanted to animate your lover’s eyes. It has a perfect body. A calendar body. You will want to marry this car and make little baby cars with it.
All we are asking is $9,500.That’s practically nothing when it comes to cars that can speak in a British accent.
And remember, by buying this car you are investing in the future, for we will immediately turn the money over to doctors so that they might create for us a test tube slave, I mean baby. Our child might save the life of your child. Think about this.
This car, this beautiful, never-been-smoked-in and obedient car, is an automatic. It has never been crashed into anything, and it has an impressive engine that boasts all the things you want in an engine. The car is goddamn perfect– it was even blessed by a priest! And if you like to party, well, you should know that the stereo has a CD player, 120 watt speakers, power windows and locks, a folding rear seat back and an air conditioner that is so effective, so good at it’s job, that you will want to get close to somebody just to warm up.
Did I mention that the car has 4-wheel ABS, grey fabric interior, has passed all drug tests and is E-tested and certified? I meant to. I also want you to know that beautiful French actress Marion Cottilard rode in this car. She smelled like pumpkin and vanilla.
And that it’s only $9,500.
Goddamn, this is the deal of a lifetime!
Buy our car, the future depends on it!
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