Suggestions for icon Maple Leaf statue to be erected outside the ACC

Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, the entity that owns the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team, is currently devising a plan to erect an iconic statue outside of the ACC, the arena where the Maple Leafs play their home games. The idea is that the statue will serve as a link, connecting the storied franchise to its rabid, self-loathing fan base and providing them with a photo opportunity at each game.

The statue should distill the essence of the Toronto Maple Leafs and their relationship to their fans. Here are some suggestions:

1.  Fans in Maple Leaf jerseys with brown paper bags over their heads, as was the custom in the rink during the years when Harold Ballard owned the team.

2. Like the famous pop art LOVE statue in New York City, the words:

“APPALING INSULTING TRADES”

would stand like an unfixable reminder  outside of the arena.

3. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, drunk and wearing a Maple Leaf jersey, being thrown-out of a game by security after he told a woman sitting behind him that she should “ Go to Iran and get raped and shot.” (This story would be engraved on the base of the statue.) The mayor, who is off-balance and holding up a  “We’re number one,” foam finger on his hand, would have a proud and defiant look on his face, while behind him stands a stern, no-fun looking woman (very plain) wearing a Hajib as security drags him out.

4. Beloved Leaf goon Tie Domi, with a homicidal look on his face, holding his hockey stick above his head as if a chainsaw that he’s about to use to cut through the flesh of his opponent. (Probably cowering European victim)

5. A really long-line up to the washroom, with the faces of the people waiting expressing irritation, desperation and sadness.

6. Another pop art rendering, this would be a statue of Lanny Macdonald’s mustache from his glory days in the 70’s.

7. The Muskoka 5—This was the name given to a group of veteran players  (Mats Sundin, Tomas Kaberle, Darcy Tucker, Bryan McCabe and Pavel Kubina) who would not waive their no trade clauses, the theory being that they were too comfortable and would rather play out the season without fighting for the play-offs, and then spending the off-season at their luxury cottages in the Muskoka region. These players would be honoured with statues, one on a Jet Ski, one smiling on the golf course, two drinking beer on a dock together and the final one with his arm around a sexy woman in a bikini who is not his wife.

8. Brian Burke, cantankerous former President and GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs, screaming at members of a cowering media.

9. Eric Lindros looking vulnerable, confused and beaten.

10. A number of fans, of the Bro variety, many without shirts and painted blue, with expressions of despair, disbelief and profound sorrow as the Leafs coughed up a three goal lead to the Boston Bruins in the 7^th game of the play-off series with only a few minutes left to go.