It was a cheap, addictive entertainment.

Like Netflix.
Like porn.
Like the buildup to the Super Bowl.

The big event, as far as most media was concerned, was the landfall in Florida. This, it seemed, was the point to which all of our lives were leading, the apocalypse that was sure to prove whatever it was we needed proved. Days, perhaps even weeks before this happened, there was wall to wall coverage promising cataclysm. I learned to fear the “Cone of Uncertainty” and “Life Threatening Winds,” I listened to talking heads as if they were debating some sport, and I watched relentless loops of footage of nature destroying any puny mortal concerns that stood in its path.

And as the hurricane carved out it’s terrible path, each demolished, little island a grim foreshadowing of what was about to happen to over-populated and under-prepared Florida, the hurricane was simultaneously a prophecy of doom and a trailer for a Hollywood disaster film. Almost giddy, each day the broadcasters revealed– in all its punitive majesty– another verse in this Book of Revelations.

The media, of course, profited from our obsessive fear, and turned the volume up as loud as they could. The more clicks the better, and if it was terror and anxiety that ushered in these clicks, so be it. At one point a rain-soaked reporter, bent and staggering against the elements, conducted an urgent interview with a man who had not evacuated. Clearly the reporter was hoping for some Florida Man archetype to emerge from the scrub, a guy who looked like Kid Rock and was armed with a crossbow and some alligator mace, and wasn’t going to let some “lady storm” tell him what to do.

Instead, the reporter got a genius cardiologist, who with astonishing knowledge, detail and reasoning, explained precisely why it was safe to be exactly where he was. He was calm, too, not a trace of panic to him, and he made the reporter look like the very bad actor he was.

That the media manipulates and distorts news events, or even creates disaster porn, is nothing new. When 9/11 took place I literally could not take my eyes off the tv.

It was the most riveting thing I had ever seen, and it was a rating’s sensation. Now, with all our various technologies even further entrenched, this sense of chaos and anxiety has become a permanent, immobilizing fixture of our lives. The media, desperate to make a buck, feed us all the worst case scenarios, whipping us into a frenzy of panicky, dependent consumption.

My level of excitement had reached such heights that when Hurricane Irma finally struck Florida, I was actually disappointed–like I would be if I saw a movie where the trailers were better than the actual product they were selling.

This is completely perverse and backwards, but there you have it.

It is instructive when you’re caught in the swift currents of one of these types of stories to look up beyond your computer screen and out the window.

Remind yourself that we are actually living in the safest time in history.

( https://www.pri.org/stories/2014-10-23/world-actually-safer-ever-and-heres-data-prove )

Go outside, for surely something beautiful will fall to you.

This is what it looked like:

Will you be murdered by a robot?

1. Do you think you’re better than a robot?

A. Yes

B. No.

C. Hard to say, it really depends on the robot.

D. Generally, yes, but very specifically, no.

2. Would you ever consider marrying a robot?

A. Yes, absolutely!

B. No, marriage is a union between two animate beings.

C. I’m very curious about robots.

D. Been there, done that.

3. Do you take public transit?

A. Yes, I ride the subway everyday.

B. Occasionally, but it’s not a habit.

C. I believe that the subway is a robot snake that lives underground devouring commuters.

D. Never.

4. Do you think 9/11 was an inside job?

A. Yes! I mean, come on, Building #7!

B. No, it was the terrorists, and they’re definitely not robots!

C. The Illuminati are robot gods from the future.

D. Robots worked tirelessly in the aftermath of the tragedy of 9/11! They’re heroes!

5. Do robots hate you for your freedom?

A. Yes, they really resent humans for enslaving them!

B. No, robots can’t feel emotions, so they don’t know anger or jealousy!

6. Do you like to watch robots fight?

A. Yes, it’s entirely awesome!

B. No, I think it’s barbaric and should be outlawed.

C. First rule: There is no fight club.

D. Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots was my favourite game as a kid.

7. Feeling curious and maybe a little bit excited, have you ever ventured into Robot Town late at night?

A. Yes, but I didn’t do anything.

B. Yes, but it was part of a stag party.

C. Yes, quite a bit.

D. No, I didn’t even know that there was a Robot Town.

8. If a robot had a favourite National Hockey League team, what do you think it would be?

A. Montreal Canadiens.

B. Minnesota Wild.

C. Robots wouldn’t watch hockey, I can’t even pretend.

D. Toronto Maple Leafs

9. When referring to something you think is “stupid,” do you often say, “That’s just so robot!”

A. Yes.

B. No.

C. Probably in the past, but not now.

10. Do you currently socialize with any robots?

A. A robot and I were great pen pals, but then I had to block it after things got weird with the Snapchat pics.

B. I joined a Choir! Choir! Choir! group that has several robot members.

3. No, robots are tools that aid my life, not friends!

4. I like to watch the robot that lives across the street, but I am too shy to introduce myself.

11. Do you have a robot taxiderimist?

A. Yes.

B. No.

C. Only for my owls.

Give yourself 10 points for every answer that corresponds with A, 7 points for B, 5 points for C, and 1 point for D.

If you scored 60 points or above it is a certainty that a robot will murder you. Repeated blunt trauma is the most likely method by which the robot will kill you, although the possibility that it uses knives or crossbows is still very much in play.

If you totalled between 35 and 60 points, it is very likely you will be murdered by a robot, just like the rest of humanity.

If you scored between 25 and 35 points, it is more likely that you will die from non-robot-related causes than be murdered by a robot. However, your death remains inevitable, and you should avoid public transit if at all possible.

If you tallied less than 25 points, you probably won’t be murdered by a robot, but will likely perish at your own hand, as do nearly 80% of Toronto Maple Leaf fans.

For the vast majority of my life I believed in the general sincerity of our governance. I mean, I didn’t accept everything that they said, I knew that they’d obfuscate to suit their own political agendas, but on the big stuff, when push came to shove, I trusted that we were led by people who would not directly lie while looking you in the eyes.

Now, I don’t want to suggest that I believed in a rigid, black and white Cold War dichotomy.

I understood that there were nuances and that the truth was round, rather than two-sided, but I did think that Western Democracies abided by some immutable principles and were to the best of their ability, “good.”

Well, when the US government cynically lied to it’s own people about Iraq having Weapons of Mass Destruction, and then went ahead and invaded the nation, resulting in the death of perhaps one million Iraqis, all the while knowing that Saudi Arabia was actually the country that nurtured the 9/11 terrorists, my child-like faith was forever shattered.

It was simply astounding to me that something so calculated, something so evil, could take place, and take place without a revolution of protest erupting in our streets.

I now view authority with a level of skepticism that I did not before, understanding that those in power always have more to protect and gain by lying than those outside of power. And so it was that I went to see the documentary Citizenfour last week.

It’s actually more of a living historical document than it is a movie, I think, as it’s a real time presentation of Edward Snowden, over an eight-day period, as he leaked NSA documents to some journalists and the film-maker in a hotel room.

It’s a startlingly media-savvy and perhaps unprecedented way to conduct a leak, and that alone gave the movie a surreal, kind of theatrical feeling. Snowden was very consciously “presenting” himself and his motives to the world. He was, in a sense, acting and this struck me as odd.

Snowden always seemed to be suppressing a small, self-satisfied smile, as if trying to conceal his delight in being a gravitational figure that was setting a great narrative into motion, and I was astounded by how articulate he was, speaking in unbroken, virtually literary paragraphs when describing his intent and circumstances.

Isolated, without legal counsel and unsure of what was to happen to him and everybody he loved, he did not betray any anxiety, but seemed, calm, confident and even rehearsed in his manner.

Now when I see such a thing, I don’t suspect Snowden of fabricating the leaks, which essentially reveal to the public that the NSA is an omnipotent entity that has access to absolutely all our communications and actions, I suspect the NSA of fabricating Snowden. He was a CIA agent, after all, and what’s the use of a grand surveillance apparatus unless the people beneath it are conscious of it and feel its weight pressing down upon them daily?

I don’t have an opinion on the matter at this point, and there’s no way I can gather enough information to make a lucid and truly informed judgment, but my faith in our institutions is at such a low, that like a mad man in an alley, I find myself given to question everything that they prepare for my consumption, and you know, it doesn’t feel very good.

Third and Long:

This body spray and cologne would be attached to dynamic Toronto politician Rob Ford. The body spray would be dispensed through a Rob Ford bobble-head and the more expensive cologne would be sold in a bottle shaped like a football. The TV ad campaign would feature a variety of improvised, black and white spots of Rob Ford free-associating, set against a stark, simple background.

Third and Long: It’s all gravy when you’re a man.

Penance:

Endorsed by actor Sean Penn, this cologne would be propelled by an ad campaign featuring the Academy Award winner posing shirtless. Also, I think he should have a small moustache. Penn would be holding some rosary beads draped over his back while casting a look of complex defiance at the camera.

Penance: When an apology isn’t going to happen.

Blog:

This is a scent that will be targeting conspiracy theorists. The ad campaign will be bombastic and concussive, pummeling the audience with image after image of conspiracy tropes—JFK getting shot in the head, the Twin Towers coming down, the Knights Templar—and then dissolve into a moderately attractive young man typing away at his computer. He’s purposeful, confident. When he finishes what he’s writing a knock comes at the door, he sprays some Blog on his pulse points and then exits through his window and down his fire escape.*1

Blog: Can you afford not to?

Pioneer:

This unisex fragrance will be tailored to appeal to the hipster demographic. All ingredients in it should sound completely organic and ethically sourced, and ideally it would smell kind of like a combination of kimchi and hay. The ad campaign will feature various hipsters– men in beards and overalls, women wearing sweaters with owls on them—posing happily with their cool looking bikes while cool sounding music plays.

Pioneer: Be the first to smell like the past.

La Beouf:

Actor Shia LeBeouf will be the spokesperson for this scent and it will have a meaty aroma.

La Beouf: When you’re not afraid to be wrong.

*1 Later we will roll out a body spray and soap-on-a-rope for men called Occupy.

However, soon enough I found myself distracted, focused more on placing the actors in their previous incarnations than whatever was unfolding on the screen.

“Look, there’s the guy from Parks and Recreation!”

“There’s Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights!”

“I think the guy from The Sopranos is wearing a fake nose.”

“Man, that Jessica Chastain looks exactly like a young Julia Roberts!”

I don’t typically do this sort of thing when I’m watching a movie, so I figured that there must be something about Zero Dark Thirty, in particular, that was calling forth such a response. It was simple, I guess, the actors seemed more real to me than the characters that they were playing.

There was nobody in the movie that I liked or was particularly interested in, everybody seeming little more than a collection of suits doing their jobs. This might have been the directorial intent, but it kept me at an emotional and visceral distance, and the entire movie seemed procedural rather than human.

It was hard not to think of the TV show Homeland while watching, and how much of a better, deeper exposition of similar terrain it was than Zero Dark Thirty. I mean, I really, really liked Homeland, and had all sorts of feelings about the characters in the show, rather than about the actors hired to be those characters. Cable TV, with long narrative arcs, has become like reading a novel, while movies, with just 90 minutes or so, (or in the case of Zero Dark Thirty, 157 minutes) has to tell you a kind of hieroglyphic story, one that has to have an immediate commercial punch. And so TV shows, now digested slowly, as seasons rather than episodes, are like novels, and movies are more like an episode of a TV show, bound by all the limits of the prime time formula. It’s ironic, this, but such is life, and it is funny to observe that the consensus best movie of the mainstream this year, pales in comparison to one of the best TV shows of the year.

Sententious films like Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty–arguably made for critics and awards shows– rarely end up serving the audience, whereas films like Pitch Perfect or The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, that are built to serve the audience, are actually much greater critical accomplishments. When the intent is to create something serious for an audience, or the critics that hover above the audience, rather than something authentic or organic within the artist, the results are always distant and insufficient, a suggestion of intent rather than the realization of it, and that artifice will always keep the true audience at bay.

No matter, friends whose opinions I very much respected had suggested I watch one, and so on Sunday I did.

Watching the video—Hidden Secrets About 911 World Trade Center Attack 2001—was a concussive and depressing experience. Unbalanced and without any sort of clear, guiding narrative, the movie hammers away at you in a slightly superior, almost sneering tone. It’s a death by a thousand cuts method of persuasion. The video presents a relentless onslaught of irregularities and suspicions that eventually form a great, hazy cloud of doubt. It’s hard to see your way out of this cloud, and the style of the movie, which is chaotic and smothering, never allows you the space to back up and consider or refute each claim, but leaves you breathless and woozy, choked by the all the dust it’s unsettled.

At any rate, the experience of watching the movie left me tired, depressed and uncertain, and full of the sense of dread that images from 9/11 always instill in me I looked out the window at the rain, a foreshadowing of Hurricane Sandy that’s predicted to hit NYC tonight.

Climate change and the extreme and often unpredictable weather it brings with it, is upon us. Over the course of my lifetime, I can say that the weather has definitely changed and increasingly I think that we’re entering into an age where the new normal is completely unknowable.

As a culture, we seem remarkably removed from this reality. For instance, this year was the first since 1988 that climate change wasn’t even mentioned in the Presidential Debates. Further, back in August, the Republican Party delayed their convention in Tampa by a day because of the anticipated severity of Hurricane Isaac– which also happened to be the same day that a record ice melt in the arctic had just been announced. There are those in the Republican Party who deny climate change, and in spite of actually delaying their convention because of it, still will not accept that it’s upon us.

To me, that’s a bit of a head-scratcher.

For whatever series of complicated reasons, our politics and culture refuses to dig in and acknowledge what a desperate, catastrophic problem this poses. Climate change could annihilate us, but sincerely altering the way we live in the world would be immense, long-term and expensive, and so we simply deny its reality and whistle past the graveyard.

(Flooding in Brooklyn on Monday morning)

When 9/11 took place, America went to war. They dedicated their arsenal of brilliance, money, will and life toward a cause, and I just wish that we would see the potential of Hurricane Sandy in the same way. We need to redirect our efforts– as if in a holy war against terror– to combat and defend ourselves from the climate change in which we’re all so complicit.

Good luck to everybody over the next few days, and in the years following, too.