“I hate It’s A Wonderful Life. I mean, are you kidding me? It’s A Wonderful Life. Didn’t look so wonderful to me. More like It’s A Pathetic Life. George Bailey was a loser, super low energy guy. I immediately sensed he was not much of anything. Horrible businessman with no negotiation skills who couldn’t close a deal if his life depended on it. And when he told that woman he liked that he was going to lasso the moon for her?
I almost puked. Jesus, buy her something nice, you schmuck. And trust me, I’ve been with a lot of women, A LOT, and buying them nice, LUXURY items is the way you get quality women.
He’s lucky she didn’t laugh in his face, but let’s be honest here, she was pretty plain so maybe she didn’t think she could do any better. Look, If I was George Bailey, which I could never be, I would have jumped off the bridge, too.”
“Oh yeah, I like lots of Christmas movies, too. Trading Places, you heard of that? Classic. It’s not really very sophisticated when it comes to business, but it’s great to see luxury and the ability to finance a deal finally get some prominence in a Christmas film. Really got the 80’s right. The 80’s let me tell you, was a great era in American history. And let’s not forget a young Jamie Lee Curtis. Wow. What a set.
You wouldn’t expect it because she looked like a boy mixed with a horse, but she really delivered the goods. Sadly, she’s no longer a ten.”
“Die Hard is another favourite. Foreign money and a bunch of loser terrorists think they can come into America and steal our jobs? On Christmas, the peak consumer cycle of the year?? Think again.”
“LOVED How the Grinch Stole Christmas. A lot of liberals and politically correct types think it’s somehow anti-consumerist. Oh, really? It’s actually a classic story of a misunderstood businessman and how trickle down economics and plutocracies function. The Grinch was a very high energy guy who knew how to make a plan and execute it, and through his industry, smarts, guts and hard work, he was able to amass a fortune, maybe not as much as me, but a fortune all the same. Was there a government that came in and stole all of the Grinch’s profits? No, no there was not. And did he give back to the community? Yes, yes he did. The Christmas message? Stay out of the way of exceptional businessmen like me, and good things will happen.”
If Nike were a politician, it would be Rob Ford.
He just does it.
If you’re one of his constituents and you need something resolved, you should just drop Rob an email, because he’s a man who will take the bull by the horns and go to the matt for the ordinary Joe.
What follows is a recent correspondence between a citizen and the Mayor:
From: Stephen Anderson
Sent: Wednesday, October 10, 2012 02:16
To: Robfootball@toronto.ca
Subject: Unacceptable and unprofessional behaviour by a Royal Taxi driver (Plate 1736)
This morning, at approximately 1:30 am, a Royal Taxi (Toronto Taxi plate number 1736) picked me up on Front Street. The cab displayed a sticker indicating that they accept Interac payment. The ride was uneventful. At my destination, St. Clair West and Bathurst, the driver claimed his payment machine was “not working” and refused to shut off the meter while driving me to an ATM to pay him, which incurred me additional fees since the ATM was not my home bank.
This has been a repeating problem with many taxi drivers lately, and it is unacceptable. I would like you to look into this please. The driver should have informed me at the time of pickup that he did not have a working payment machine and let me decide whether to board his vehicle.
Thanks,
Stephen Anderson
Dear Steve-O:
Let me tell you, this sort of crap really gets under my skin.
Dude LIED to you!
Me and a couple of my staff-buddies have spent the better part of the day tracking this crook down and his name is something like Makebed, and he’s one of those guys who isn’t really a Canadian. I called him on the phone but I guess I got one of his wives. She was all, “ No speakie, no speakie!!” so I just yelled at her for ten minutes, making sure she knew it was “Mayor Goddamn Ford bringing the hammer!” It’s an intimidation thing I learned playing high school football. If you’re mixed-up with your words but you still want to be understood, you just fucking yell. Honestly S-dawg, it’s helped get me where I am today.
I’m going to guess that if you yelled at Makebed then this whole problem would have gone away, but maybe you’re small or gay or something, and so you’ve done the right thing by bringing the problem straight to the top, to the Big Dog, Rob Ford.
Anyway, I’ve got my staff working on deporting the guy from the city. I don’t want criminals driving cars in my town. If you think you can come into this city and rip off real Canadians, well, you got another thing coming, and Makebed, taxi plate number 1736, is going to get an awful lot of special attention from the city, if you know what I mean. (Just got back from fact finding trip to Chicago and learned a lot about stuff like this)
Anyhow, it’s nearly 8:00, so I’m finishing up and heading out for some beers and shots– if you want to join me and the boys( NO HOMO!) we’ll be upstairs at the Tilted Kilt on The Esplanade. They got the hottest waitresses in town. Boobs everywhere, it’s a Breastaurant, bro, and if they know you, they’ll charge you the regular price for the Super Sporran sized portions.
Ready, set, hut!
Rob Ford
PS: I’ll teach you how to yell. No charge, buddy, no charge– I work for you!
]]>It always seemed a little bit like New Year’s Eve to me. I’d feel all sorts of pressure to have a great time, make fancy plans, and then at the end of it all, feel as if I’d been at the wrong place all night, and then bitter and depleted, would end up walking home.
The sheer volume of people who attend Nuit Blanche disassembles whatever plans I had, and inevitably I’d spend most of my time texting lost friends.
Yr @ Dufferin Grove??
U said Dundas, did’t u??
The commissioned works that have the most promise always have endless, Disneyesque lineups that stretch 90 minutes into the future and the ambient art that serves as the connective tissue between the major installations has a souvenir stand feeling to it. In short, it gives me the sense that I just participated in some weird variation of spring break.
And so this year Rachelle and I felt little remorse about skipping the event. Instead, I participated via social media, opening up my Twitter feed to all the glory that was Nuit Blanche:
E-gene
Get ready for a stupid flood of poor-lit photos of unknown subject matter tonight on Twitter and Instagram. #sbnb
MryW
“Let the art speak for itself” — a girl after overhearing my bf’s interpretation of an exhibit. #sbnb
ESTRONG
Man beside me carrying bananas. Art or groceries? #sbnb
I’m at a high five competition … Haha #sbnb
Ion
I am supposed to be looking with a critical eye at #sbnb pieces, but really I am just drink drank drunk.
Alfagrrl
It’s the little things during #sbnb that make me smile. Nothing new here but makes me love my city!#sbnb
Petalpusher
Green frogs light up. Sometimes less, sometimes more. In background people scream about vodka. Latter not part of exhibit. #sbnb
Petalpusher
Some ass just fell off friend’s shoulders and whacked me in leg. He then tried to apologize with Italian opera. Yep, #sbnb is now messy
Blackcrown
#sbnb Not going out for Nuit Blanche is the new going out for Nuit Blanche.
if i ever find the FUCKING asshole who stole my seat & straps i will fucking CUT YOU TILL YOU BLEED & take my fucking bike gear back. #sbnb
Overheard: “Nooo! They are not having sex! They are being hung upside down by fish hooks!!” #sbnb
ashsper
Saw some interesting #sbnb stuff along bloor. Especially liked the ‘choir’ at the church at Walmer/Bloor. Soothing
“Yo, that sh*t is f*cking sick!” Woman (on drugs?) repeatedly yelling at performers in classroom at end of the world exhibit #sbnb
shannnnon
If you’re on a bike, you better ding that bell. Losers running into streets, taxis are swerving, drunk people barfing on curbs. #sbnb
sytc
45 minute wait at All Night Convenience at #sbnb you know where to find me
shedoesthecity
In Trinity Bellwoods people are playing tennis & renegade dance parties compete with shite #sbnb dance party. Skip park, go to castle!
Overherd
The funny thing is we’re not even looking at art we’re just drunk #sbnb
Anchorman2
Cab Driver: “let’s get the fuck out of here” #sbnb
HelenofCry
CRAZY lineups!!!#sbnb
AnnaVanna
LOVE Nuit Blanche, beautiful art!!!#sbnb
sighfactory
For those of us who have lived here for every rendition of#sbnb, tonight is just a yearly nightmare.
Makhoul
A field of glowsticks. #sbnb
Nina24
I walk #sbnb alone. Much prefer it solo. Ending night on a swing. Sean Paul blaring in background but tranquil here. Love this city.
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