Here are some excerpts from his book:
“ Young Luke was a very popular and utterly super boy who all the other kids in primary school looked up to. He had star qualities, was big for his age, and if you weren’t cool and sang in Choir! Choir! Choir! or did something else gay, Luke would let you know with his fists and sharp, insulting words. Luke was a force of nature, as powerful as a great Serbian earthquake and seen by many as the policeman of the schoolyard. “
“Young Luke broke his glasses with one mighty blow and the Oriental child fell to the ground weeping. “That will teach you to count in Chinese!” Luke bellowed, and his voice was like thunder caught on the wind. He kicked him one final time in the back. As Luke stood there with his fists held aloft in victory, all the other weak children applauded and trembled. It was at this moment, normally the best part of his day, that Luke noticed Vice Principle Lewis watching him.”
“The office Vice Principle Lewis worked in smelt like an old car that a poor person might drive. “Listen Luke, “ the decrepit Lewis began, “ you are an absolutely great kid and a terrific hockey player. You’re going to make the NHL one day and nothing is going to stop you. Make no mistake, we will have parades in your honour and you will have babies with many beautiful women, but I have to tell you that I have been getting some complaints from whiny parents about your dominance over the other children. It’s causing me some headaches. Do you think you could conquer the children and teach them lessons off of school property? Remember, it’s not cool to bully in school.” Luke appreciated the respect that the old man showed him.”
“It wasn’t that long ago that Luke had lost his virginity (to a developed girl in grade eight) and having just played Grand Theft Auto for three hours, Luke was feeling pretty good about himself. It was at this point, while on his way to school, that he saw a little boy who walked funny take his juice box out of his knapsack. People who walked funny always made Luke feel weird, so he grabbed him and began yelling, calling him “A little crip!” Just as Luke was about to punch him, he remembered what Vice Principle Lewis had said to him, “It’s not cool to bully in school.” As Luke lived by the code, he dragged the little, crippled boy off of school property and began to beat him up in an area that became know as the Thunderdome, a place where Luke was to become famous for keeping the schoolyard hierarchies in order.”
Similarly, Rudolph Giuliana, led New York, America and pretty much the rest of the world, in the midst of the September 11th attacks on New York City. Ever-present, he was tireless, an informed, robust, sincere and deeply invested presence that was able to offer us, if not absolute comfort, at least a sense of stability and continuance. Great mayors rise to great challenges.
On May 13th of 2013, the much loved and beleaguered Toronto Maple Leafs were eliminated by the Boston Bruins in game 7 of the first round of the Stanley Cup finals. Normally, this would be considered a victory for the chronically underachieving Leafs, but in this case they suffered a historic collapse, relinquishing a 4-1 lead with less than 15 minutes left to play. The city of Toronto was utterly devastated. It was at this time that Rob Ford stepped up to the plate and revealed that he was a great leader.
The Press Conference:
Q: How are you feeling mayor?
A: Frig. I’m not sure I have the words. It’s just, you know, not right. You’re at home eating your hot dogs expecting victory, and then this. It’s just, just, geez, you know?
Q: Are you proud of the team for the way the team battled against the heavily favoured Bruins?
A: It’s just an emotional time for me. I can’t speak right now. You know, there are Bros crying in Maple Leaf Square tonight. They’re painted blue. Some of them have shaved their chest so that they look like maple leafs. It’s just tragic.
Q: Do you have any words of support for Torontonians right now?
A: Reimer was real weak on that last goal. Boy. It’s hard to believe he has a hot wife. Little skinny, but still. Also, the referees were crappy. We’re going to look into protesting the outcome, maybe hold it up in court.
Q: What do you think of Toronto’s chances next year?
A: Are you serious!? What do you expect me to say!!?? This is a tragedy! Now’s not the time for such questions, holy hell! You guys in the media never cease to amaze me! You have no class! Zero! Bunch of crappy referees is what you are, why don’t you try getting a real job, eh? I’m done with this, I’m going to get something to eat—outta my way!
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After this, as a means of contrast, Rachelle and I watched Commander Hadfield’s return to Earth. For those of you who are not Canadian, Commander Chris Hadfield is a Canadian Astronaut who has spent the last 5 months on the International Space Station. It was here, through his use of Twitter– where he accumulated nearly one million followers—that he became something of a folk hero.
Avuncular, proportional and competent, Hadfield seems like a really, really nice guy. A Canadian guy. His moustache is friendly, like the sexually non-threatening moustache of a well-liked high school teacher, and his manner is sincere, thoughtful and fun, but still, you know this guy is operating at a very high level. You want him as your next-door neighbour. He would know what to do when the power went out and you thought you heard something funny in the basement.
Attached to a parachute, the Soyuz space capsule drifted down from space into a field in Kazakhstan like a child’s toy. A bunch of unofficial looking Russians then went over, as if farmers inspecting something that had fallen from the past rather than the future, and pulled the astronauts from the capsule. This was done without the least trace of urgency, like something they were practicing for in their street clothes rather than the main event.
The first out was the Russian and he looked hale, hearty and ready to start tossing a Kettlebell around. The next to follow, the American and Hadfield, looked small, pale and a little worse for the wear, like space travel extracted a physical toll.
They were all put on what looked like unmatched lawn chairs and gave the cameras the thumbs-up. Our CBC commentators were giddy, gushing about how robust and great Hadfield looked. It was surreal, like watching some weird variation of a Soviet propaganda film.
Regardless, what Hadfield did on his mission was utterly wonderful. From his photographs, videos and tweets, he shared with the public a suggestion of what might be considered the divine. The world is stunning in its beauty, and by extension we, all just brief, tiny organic outcroppings of the same living entity, are beautiful, too.
There are many who think that the International Space Station is a huge waste of money, one that doesn’t provide sufficient scientific benefit, but Hadfield, (his Space Oddity video was the most watched on YouTube Monday) showed us that data is perhaps secondary to the opportunity to see ourselves through eyes never imagined.
