“This is not just a metaphor for my time as mayor, but for life. It’s a struggle, it’s always a battle, but even when it’s -2 out and all you want to do is watch YouTube videos in bed and drink Gatorade, you have to get up, go out there and work to make the world a better place. As the great and controversial Japanese author Haruki Murakami said, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
“Ah geez, I don’t remember this one. It looks like I’m with Jesus. Maybe a parade?”
“Couldn’t believe how frigging big that owl was! Truth be told, I was kind of scared of the thing, but in politics, as in life, you have to overcome your fears, and I did. I looked that owl in the eyes and said to myself, “Mr. Owl, I respect you, but I am not afraid of you, not even if you do that Exorcist thing with your head. You shall have no dominion over me!” And even though I am a man and the owl is a bird creature, and I was speaking in my head, it’s like the owl “got” what I was saying. We came to an understanding and I overcame my fear of that owl. That’s what politics is all about.”
“I remember that day! It’s the small moments that comprise a life, isn’t it? I had to take the TTC because my driver had been arrested for something, forget what. Anyway, I’m a man of the people and had been talking to everybody, learning about them, and then I had a moment to myself, some quiet time for reflection, and I was thinking about my fantasy football team and how to make Toronto a better city. That’s when the Ferris wheel idea came to me.”
“This is one of my favourite moments from all my time in office. For a brief instance, we were all able to put aside our differences and come together as one. It was beautiful, man, just beautiful. One love, that’s what it’s all about, one love. That’s how I’d like my years as Mayor of Toronto to be remembered. When I was mayor, Toronto was the city that danced like nobody was watching.”
“I was looking up at that sculpture of the rat, and it looked to me like it had been decapitated and its head had just been put up on a spit as a trophy, everybody laughing. I don’t know why, but I was suddenly overcome by an empathy for the creature and I just wanted to reach out and touch its face, let it know that it was loved.”
]]>There were a few other people standing around watching the bin.
A woman walking a poodle, a consensus builder, I think, said, “We should call 311!”
Street guy: “You mean 911, lady.”
Woman: “No, 311, it’s the number you call when you have a city related question or see somebody committing graffiti!”
Street guy: “Committing graffiti?”
Woman: “ The garbage bin is city property, they must have a protocol for such an event!”
I decided to show some leadership.
Me: “ No, this isn’t a situation for government intervention, this is a time for us to come together as citizens.”
Woman: “I still think we should call 311.”
Me: “I’m going to put out the goddamn fire.”
( this is the bin that was smoking)
Street guy: “Who made you boss? I think we should just let it burn, man!”
I ignored him, reached into my knapsack and pulled out a bottle of water. I then poured all of it into the burning bin. Nothing happened.
Street Guy: “Nice job, Superman. You just poured your water into the recycling slot instead of the litter slot where the smoke is coming from.”
I put my hands on my hips and sighed.
More smoke was coming out.
Woman: “I’m calling 311.”
I pushed open the litter slot and peered in. I couldn’t see a thing.
Once again I put my hands on my hips and sighed.
Me: “I’m out of water.”
Woman: “I’m taking my dog away, this is becoming a dangerous situation.”
Street guy: “ Dangerous situation? I live on the streets, now that’s a dangerous situation! This is nothing! Somebody flicked a cigarette butt into a fucking garbage can and now you two think the world is about to end!”
The woman quickly walked her dog away.
“Did you call 311?” I shouted after her.
She did not respond– she was gone, like a ghost.
Me: “I’m going to buy another bottle of water.”
Street guy: “Fuck the one percent. You’ll buy water for a pretend fire but not for me, and then you’ll pour that water down the wrong slot again.”
I went into the local corner store and bought two bottles of water, but when I came out the man who was running the food truck parked in front of the smoking garbage bin was spraying it down with a hose. He looked like an older, angry version of one of the Mario Brothers. When he saw me holding the two bottles of water in my hands that I had just bought he gave me a disdainful, pained look. And then he shook his head, rethinking something, “Come, come, I give you a free slushie, you do the best with what God gave you. What flavour you like?”
“Blue,” I said.
“Blue,” he repeated, “on the house.”
