These are a collection of Taliban Tweets:
The Taliban cannot tolerate biased media.
Too long have we been mocked and misunderstood.#Unclesamisunclean
8 puppets killed, 3 vehicles destroyed in Langham battle: bit.ly/XnJr2m
Victory! A Mujhadeed has seized a motorbike from the unholy invaders!
Invader General Petraeus should be shot by relatives from his mistress’s family or stoned to death.
Mondays always make me feel blue, and this cold is not helping. Sinuses clogged.
@Puppetobama what sort of man would kiss another?! It is unholy!
I do not like the rain. May it rain on America for an eternity!
An invading infidel walks into a market and asks for nuts and the patriot vendor says, “ We have no nuts, puppet!!”
The Taliban has enduring patience and long-term Jihadist strategies against the malicious plots of the enemy!
Mortars hit infidel invader camps. The Blood of our enemies flows: bit.lu?MoYr6h
I fear that one of my wives has fallen out of love with me. We used to laugh together so much, but now, never.
The Taliban will not abandon the struggle for freedom and will not pardon you until the withdrawal of your last soldier. #Unclesamisunclean
RT: America you are a Big Mac! Fat and greasy!
Taliban fun fact: The Pathans are notorious for family feuds, often the result of disputes over zar, zan or zamin – gold, women or land.
@anglinajolie You are a whore.
A woman is like having a flower. You water it and keep it at home for yourself to look at and smell. It is not supposed to be taken out of the house to be smelled. #truth
Landmines eliminate 2 US-nato tanks in Khan-e-Sheen district: bit.ly/SFi7oA
2 puppets of special-forces killed in bomb attack.
RT The Lakers have contacted Phil Jackson. He’s reportedly interested in the job. #WeWantPhil bit.ly/SWgLK8
@Amir Please feel free to DM me—bored at work.
Taliban shout-out to Aarif who proudly declared that he had killed seven male members of a Mahsud family for having insulted his wife, and so far only his brother had been killed in the revenge!
I wish Taylor Swift were one of my wives. I would cover her in the finest raiments and play for her the rubab.
“And so they walked by and this one shouted, ‘How r u doing?!’ What, are they crazy, do they think that’s the right way to talk to a girl? Is that all they know? “
The girl who never got attention from boys nodded her head in some sort of eager accommodation, grateful for this glimpse into the romantic sphere of college life, while the girl who was always disappointed seemed validated, her face now angrier.
And then a gust of wind blew a tumble of leaves over the dog and I, and when I looked up I saw a familiar homeless man pacing the street, negotiating the angles of a completely different world, and then a pretty girl with bouncing blonde hair ran past him, past us and the Sorority girls, bounding down the street toward her destiny.
“We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit,” he told the Biblical Recorder. On the radio, he observed: “I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage.”
Instantly, there were all sorts of calls for boycotts of the chain, just as there were public displays of support for the chicken shop, most notably by vigorous heterosexuals Sarah and Todd Palin, who posed for photographs holding up big bags from Chick-fil-A.
It’s America, you know.
In an attempt to quell the PR damage that had been done Dan Cathy took to social media, fielding live questions on Twitter.
This is what followed:
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Rank69: Dude, if you’re so straight why is your last name a girl’s name?
DanCathy: It was my father’s name and I inherited it, so I didn’t have a choice.
Rank69: Do gay people have a choice as to whether they’re gay or not?
DanCathy: Of course, just like you have a choice to eat at Chick-fil-A or McDonalds!
Rank69: If you could choose your last name what would it be?
DanCathy: The Man.
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HelenofTry: How do you know what God thinks?
DanCathy: I read the Bible.
HelenofTry: Did God write the Bible?
DanCathy: It was more like a joint effort between the mortal and the divine.
HelenofTry: So God had a ghostwriter?
DanCathy: A Holy Ghost writer! : )
HelenofTry: But if you’re just accepting what the Holy Ghost writer says, you’re not thinking for yourself, right?
DanCathy: We make some tasty chicken!
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AAAXX3: Why is Snoop Dog changing his name to Snoop Lion?
DanCathy: I don’t know but he should change it to Snoop Chick-fil-A!
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CuriousChristain3: There are no girls in the Godverse, right?
DanCathy: I’m not sure I understand.
CuriousChristian3: Well, God didn’t have a wife or a mother, it was just him up there.
DanCathy: The Lord is our Heavenly Father.
CuriousChristian: That’s my point, there’s no Heavenly Mother. He must have been lonely.
DanCathy: I think God keeps very busy and probably doesn’t feel lonely.
CuriousChristian: Ok, but if God made Adam in his own image and he had no reference for what a woman looked like, where did he come up with the idea of Eve?
Why didn’t she look like another Adam, only with a hole instead of a rod?
DanCathy: Our mission is to create loyal fans; we plan to leave the policy debate over same-sex marriage to the political arena.
CuriousChristian: If Eve were more like Adam, by which I mean stronger, she could have helped fight off the dinosaurs.
DanCathy: The Lord knew what he was doing.
CuriousChristian: I guess so, he was probably a billionaire like you.
CuriousChristian: Still, you’d think God could have given women 6 arms or something so that they’d be better helpmates for their husbands.
DanCathy: 6 is the number of the beast.
CuriousChristian: Right! This brings me to chickens.
DanCathy: We’re proud to make the best chicken in the world!
CuriousChristian: Well, God made the chicken, you just cook it.
DanCathy: Yes, you’re right!
CuriousChristian: How did God come up with the idea for a chicken!? It looks demonic!
DanCathy: Well, our chicken at Chick-fil-A is divine!
CuriousChristian: Was the girl (eve) chicken made from the rib of the boy (Adam) chicken? How did that work?
CuriousChristian: And what was God thinking when he made a lobster?! Man alive, those things are crazy looking!
DanCathy: We want to thank you all for your loyal patronage of Chick-fil-A. God bless America!
