The other day my wife Rachelle Maynard posted this on a Buy, Sell and Trade Facebook group she belongs to:
LIKE NEW BLUNDSTONES 7.5 Mens or 9.5 Womens
$150
Don’t spend $250 on a new pair of Blundstones your husband will never wear because they’re just a little bit hard to slip on. No. Don’t be angry he’s only worn them 3 times and doesn’t truly appreciate the kindness of your gift. So just buy these instead. They are in near perfect shape. They come with a box and everything. Pick up near Bloor and Spadina.
Comments:
Sahara: Forgive me, but your husband sounds like a bit of an asshole.
Anne: Nice colours!
Emily: I agree with Sahara, your husband sounds like a real piece of work. He better look like Daniel Craig is all I can say! LOL!!
Sahara: I once heard about a husband who took his wife to a Lord of the Rings movie marathon on their wedding anniversary! He thought if she saw them all at once, in order, then she would love them like he did. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?
Dina: I would cut a bastard if he did that to me on our anniversary.
Betty: My husband is also an asshole. #MeToo
Stephanie: Sounds like he has pretty small feet! LOL!!
Emily: Men are trash.
Jen: You know, I have absolutely no doubt of my innate superiority to my husband, and pretty much all men, in fact, yet I still end up feeling oppressed. How the hell does that end up happening?
Nicki: Smash the Patriarchy!
Robynne: Would it be possible to come by on Tuesday around 4:00 to have a look?
Elena: My husband is also a jerk. #MeToo
Misha: I started to notice that whenever I walked into the room my husband would slam his laptop shut. He said it was fantasy hockey. Turns out he meant porn. Dirty, disgusting porn #MeToo
Treena: I would dump his small-footed ass. You can do better Rachelle. You deserve better. We all do.
Lisa: I swear to God, my husband can’t even figure out how to work the remote. Why are they all so fucking incompetent??? Why do we have to do EVERYTHING??? #MeToo
Beth: The fucker doesn’t deserve boots.
Maria: Make him walk barefoot in the snow. #MeToo
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It’s long been a dream of mine to play professional hockey, and this is a goal I’ve worked very hard to achieve. Unfortunately, I’ve never been quite good enough to make the grade, and as the years pass by my chances of making the NHL are rapidly diminishing. In an effort to remind the NHL GM’s and coaches who might still be looking for a character guy in the locker room, of just how committed I am to this dream, I am providing a short list of some of the things I’m willing to do to fulfill my dream of playing in the NHL.
I am perfectly willing to serve as a shutdown, 4th line centre, instead of the natural, 1st line scorer I am, if it gets me into the NHL faster.
I will continue with my figure skating lessons, trying to improve my balance and explosiveness on the ice in order to make me a better team player.
I would not hesitate to drop the gloves.
I will cut back on my shifts at David’s Tea in order to train more.
I would consent to wearing a suit and tie to and from the rink for every game.
I would kill a bird with a rock.
I would be willing to relocate.
If necessary, I would subordinate my natural leadership skills in order to better serve the team.
I will say no to hanging out with friends and going out to parties because I know I have to be up early the next morning to train.
I would have sex with Tom Hardy– even though I’m not gay or even remotely curious about what being gay might feel like– in order to prove how serious I am about playing in the NHL.
I would also have sex with Tom Hardy and Daniel Craig– even though I’m not gay or even remotely curious to know what it might feel like to be gay with two other stunning and sexy men– in order to prove how serious I am about playing in the NHL.
I would give up my participation in fantasy hockey in order to protect the integrity of the NHL and the great game of hockey.
I would take up hunting in order to better fit in with my peers.
I would consider giving up gluten.
I would also consider giving up Choir! Choir! Choir! in order to more fully dedicate myself to my dream of playing in the NHL.
This is a collection of her Tweets from the last week:
Hate is not the first enemy of love. Fear is. It destroys your ability to trust.
If you want to feel good, you have to go out and do some good.
Whatever has happened to you in your past has no power over this present moment, because life is now.
Just saw Skyfall and I’d really like to get slippery with Daniel Craig. Really, really slippery.
What you really want is to be surrounded by people you trust & treasure & by people who cherish you. That’s when you’re really rich.
Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads & empty hearts can do that. -Norman Peale
Sick of all the Jews in Hollywood.
I don’t hate them, I’m not anti-Semitic, just really, really sick of them right now.
Happiness will come to you when it comes from you. Success will be yours when you choose to take responsibility for making it so.
Books were my pass to personal freedom. I learned to read at age three, & soon discovered there was a whole world to conquer.
Got to call somebody about the birds. Their constant cawing from the backyard is driving me CRAZY!!!!!
Hate birds.
Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen. -Michael Jordan
Very high right now.
Great spirits have always faced violent opposition from mediocre minds. -Einstein
Successful people know the difference between patience & procrastination.
Bitch-faced birds now on my very last nerve.
I haven’t loved Stedman in a very long time and have had a steady stream of lovers.
Would definitely fuck Obama if I had the chance. Michelle, too.
Every time U suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play U small, U are ignoring the owner’s manual your creator gave u.
Missing the NHL.
I believe that every single event in life happens is an opportunity to choose love over fear.
Fucked Sylvester Stallone once. VERY disappointing.
I was once afraid of people saying “who does she think she is?” Now I have the courage to stand & say, “THIS IS WHO I AM.”
I really, really hate my life and I think several of my maids are stealing from me.
I’m going to go kill me some birds.
