michaelmurrayca: We’re finally leaving the cold, dark ice cave of Toronto!

michaelmurrayca: First, passing through the Rosedale Valley of Death. The forest is looming bent and horrible over road, like tree in Poltergeist.

michaelmurrayca: Oh. All of Toronto also fleeing apocalypse city.

michaelmurrayca: Avoid highway unless you find tranquility in stillness. Move through car wash at much greater velocity.

michaelmurrayca: Red tail lights in front of us stretching from here to Mordor. # LikeDeathLava

michaelmurrayca: Time of winter day when everything is the same colour– even salt-wretched cars in traffic jam.

michaelmurrayca: Now moving like pre-twilight wolves through landscape! Oh. Never mind. Traffic jam again. #BoxingDayBestDayOfYear

michaelmurrayca: Empty, Dark Onroutes, like post-apocalyptic tumble weeds, litter the side of highway like reminder of life we once knew.

michaelmurrayca: Very hungry. #Hangry

michaelmurrayca: Port Hope Pizza Pizza is a crime scene. 40 customers, 1 employee. #ThereWillBeBlood

michaelmurrayca: Now full of McDonald Happy Meal. You know how I feel.

michaelmurrayca: Now trapped in an actual parking lot. Feel like punching things.

michaelmurrayca: Now moving as fast as flying dolphins! Our lives redeemed!

michaelmurrayca: Flying dolphins tricked into traffic jam cove! Hate tricks!

michaelmurrayca: 3 hours 46 minutes to not yet Belleville.

michaelmurrayca: My wife doesn’t so much like me playing Nick Cave in a traffic crisis.# BadTasteWife!

michaelmurrayca: Can’t believe wife doesn’t like listening to Sting! # WhoIsThisWoman?

michaelmurrayca: Now playing girl music. #MarriageTipsForTrafficJam

michaelmurrayca: Retract usage of “girl music,” meant “good music.” Very lucky to have wife like Rachelle!#MarriageProTip

michaelmurrayca: Apparently I “yell” when I speak on the phone, and ” should have gotten your (my) fucking driver’s license decades ago.”# whatever

michaelmurrayca: Stony silence for an hour and a half good for both our morale.

michaelmurrayca: Now listening to Christian motivational CD. God wants us to succeed.

michaelmurrayca: Let Jesus be your co-pilot, says voice on CD. No idea how to apply that to a traffic jam.# UselessChristianTips

michaelmurrayca: If I was King of Kings, would create traffic removal trucks instead of just snow removal trucks. #UsefulThingsGodCouldDo

michaelmurrayca: Also, if King of Kings would move Toronto and Ottawa closer together. 3 hour trip regardless of transportation method. #SoSayethTheLord

michaelmurrayca: Just didn’t expect to hit a deer while in a traffic jam. Very demoralizing, especially since deer Rachelle’s spirit guide.

michaelmurrayca:  Pretty sure Christmas now very, very ruined.

michaelmurrayca: Very dark stretch of the road, like Cormac McCarthy novel only without spears and fancy language.

michaelmurrayca: Traffic loosening up after Kingston, but now icy and douche trucks everywhere!!

michaelmurrayca: We both tried to love you and the world the best we could!

Q. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

A. To live a life free of false reports about Syria, and the constant threat of US propaganda and weaponry insulting and destroying our lives!

Q. What is your greatest fear?

A. Bombs.

Q. Which living person do you most admire?

A. I admire my brothers in the Syrian Electronic Army.

Q. What is your favourite journey?

A. It is when I journey online to hack American systems. I feel like I am visiting the nation myself and that I fight for truth and freedom. Of course, I also look forward to the Haj once I am older, have more money and less threats hanging over my head, and as strange as it may sound, I would also like to see Disneyland.

Q. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

A. Physical strength. It is more important to be strong in the heart and mind. It amazes me that girls– Amira in particular– never seem to see this truth.

Q. On what occasion do you lie?

A. To protect the secrecy of the Syrian Electronic Army.

Q. Which living person do you most despise?

A. I hate Barack Obama very much, as I do Bush 1 and Bush 2, but I truly despise Harout. He is dishonest with the girls that I know, particularly sweet Amira, and he does not care about them, only himself and wrestling. He will know the wrath of the Syrian Electronic Army!

Q. What do you dislike most about your appearance?

A. I would like to be physically bigger and stronger so that I might punch Harout and win Amira from him. I would hit him in the throat so hard he would no longer be able to eat.

Q. What is your greatest regret?

A. It is personal, but it has to do with Amira.

Q. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

A. Next question, please.

Q. What is the trait you deplore most in yourself?

A. Ha! That one is as easy to hack as The Huffington Post! I am terribly messy and you can ask any of my brothers if this is the truth! Also, I do not spend enough time with my pet.

Q. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

A. It is the hypocritical bombing of a free people.

Q. What is your greatest extravagance?

A. Sneakers. I have many pairs, perhaps 20.

Q. When and where were you happiest?

A. It was on the beach at Ras Al Bassit. Amira and I laughed and played in the waves as it rained one early evening. We were dolphins.