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Westminster Dog Show just happen in New York City.
Big deal in canine world.
Westminster is for dogs what Academy Awards is for two-leggers. Everybody hate show and think stupid, but all like to sit around and make fun anyway!
Good times.
These Heidi thoughts on some of dogs at Westminster:
Mearle
Mearle very stupid dog. Tell by eyes and moron flop to ears. Not much upstairs for Mearle. No way could catch squirrel and probably no understand beg. Think Mearle maybe hit by car and that why so dumb. Probably looking at ceiling fan.
Lucy
Lucy big slut. Tongue out like trying to be all seductive while throwing innocent, come hither look. So fake! Slut Lucy just want treat, she no love you!! Lucy not even that good-looking. Heidi think maybe 6 out of 10, and collar she wear show she trying WAY too hard. Heidi hate Lucy. Whore dog who sex with cats.
Gracie
Oh, look at St. Gracie! She so holy her likeness should be on a cushion! What miracle you do today, Gracie? Gracie pee! ? Oh Gracie, surely you agent of God! Ha! Gracie saint of snobbery! She think she better than everybody, but she just a pretentious faker! Hope she get head caught in wall and everybody in world forget about her. Stupid dog, bad dog!!
Selah
Selah look nice, I guess. Friendly, like probably share toy.
Bug
Bug think he all macho and handsome Alpha stud. Heidi agree. Bug have perfect coat, Heidi just lose herself in rich, yet symmetrical tapestry of colour! And Bug eyes?! Dreamy. Such a strong and muscular dog! What Heidi would give to have Bug’s tongue lick her coat! Oh, Bug can be Heidi’s best in show all night long! Bug can pull Heidi’s sleigh any day of week! Golly, Heidi having spell, feel hot and need to run in circle a bit!
Eisous
This is completely retarded dog. Almost feel sorry for it. Very serious mental illness. Heidi don’t even understand name. Eisous? WTF? Heidi stay away from that dog, cross street to avoid it. Might be possessed or addicted to bad drug and Drano. Has self-harmer written all over it, probably bites off own fur. Show business very dangerous, many pitfalls and temptations for celebrities!
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What follows is a transcript of the speech Rondeau made to council:
“Let me start by giving you some numbers:
79, 510
143, 740
500, 100
10, 336, 440
These numbers are the high scores I achieved as a fourth grader in Space Invaders, Omega Race, Frogger and Asteroids. I’d like to just let that sink in for a little bit. Those. Numbers. Produced. By. A. Fourth. Grader.
I had a wicked powerful gift.
A wicked powerful gift that was stolen from me by the government.
I can guarantee you that my life would have turned out much differently if I’d been allowed to cultivate my gift and big government didn’t step in to crush the free market. Not only was the free market destroyed, but so was the spirit of a sweet, chubby boy in grade four who maybe wasn’t very good at sports, but learned how to compete and achieve greatness amongst the frogs, asteroids and pixels.
If I had been allowed to pursue my dreams I don’t think I ever would have been cursed with the Oxy addiction that’s plagued me for the last 8 years. I think I would have found the self-esteem I needed as a child and not been a bully magnet, I think I would have impressed some girls and perhaps learned to talk to them. When I’m sitting at the bar not playing a video game, I think about the life that might have been a lot.
A lot.
I know some of our city fathers thought that video games would lead to drug addiction, but it’s just the opposite! It’s the absence of video games that lead to drug addiction!
Just as it’s not right for Ben Affleck to get banned from the Hard Rock Casino in Vegas for counting cards, it’s wrong for the government to steal the dreams of children and merchants alike, and ban video games in our town! What is this, Footloose?! No, we’re not friggin’ Soviet Footloose, we’re America, and we don’t tell our citizens what to do! We’re number one, and we need to stay number one! China has some pretty wicked video gamers coming down the pipe right now, and in order to keep beating them, we need our kids to start early and play hard!
It’s been over 30 years, it’s time to lift the ban!
Pac-Man for everybody!!
Thank you for your time, and go Bruins!!”
(Standing Ovation)
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