Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 396

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 388

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 382

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_FormTag::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php on line 400

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 78

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 72

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 59

Deprecated: Return type of WPCF7_Validation::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/validation.php on line 82

Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-content/plugins/contact-form-7/includes/form-tag.php:3) in /home2/michafe9/public_html/wp-includes/feed-rss2.php on line 8
Drunk people – Welcome To The Magical Friendship Squad! http://michaelmurray.ca Michael Murray Writes Things Wed, 30 Jan 2013 01:18:40 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.3 New Year’s Eve Text Messages http://michaelmurray.ca/new-years-eve-text-messages http://michaelmurray.ca/new-years-eve-text-messages#comments Thu, 03 Jan 2013 16:44:40 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=3030 My Text Message Log From New Year’s Eve:

 

********************************************

Cab driver took one look at me and said, “guess you’re hoping for a better year, eh?”

And then he said his mother had the “psychic gift” and that he could “tell things.”

Feeling a little scared and vulnerable.

Hate cab driver.

Think he smells like weird soup.

Maybe some “chunky” variety.

Sirloin burger, perhaps.

Taking shitty route while he tries to get me to pay for a psychic reading.

Might be late for party.

Have you ever heard of anything so stupid? A psychic reading by your cab driver?

Feeling very happy I brought my flask out tonight.

How is the party?

Excellent.

Please save a bottle of wine for me!

Driver just said I need to live in a dry climate and should avoid olives.

No, not a clue why he thinks that.

Just hide the bottle in the bathtub. Put a blanket over it.

Okay, I’ll ask him.

He says it will be five bucks.

Bartering to give him lotto ticket instead.

Says I have an allergic aura.

Have you hid the wine?

Just do it!

That’s one of your resolutions, right? Do things!

So, just do it!

Jesus wouldn’t care.

Not stealing, redistribution.

Free market still at play, but regulated!

Am now asking driver what colour allergic aura is.

Says it doesn’t work like that.

I am drunk, yes.

At the address right now.

Driver just asked if I was on the pipe.

Crack pipe.

Because of my teeth.

Fucker.

Giving him expired lotto ticket for his psychic advice.

Yeah!

That bang you heard was me slamming the cab door!

See you soon, love you!

(there is a two hour time period where no text messages were sent)

HAPPAAY 20312 EVERYBODY!!!!

FUCK THE MAYA1!

HIGH HEELS VERY HARD TO DANSS IN.

FUCK11!

SPACE BROWNIES AWESOME

WHERE R UDUDE?

RACHYLLE AND I R AT PARTY

COME ON!

THEREES FUCING DRY ICE ANDHID 2 BOTTLES OF WINE IN OVEN!

This is Rachelle.

Michael is really, really drunk.

Yeah, like in a bad movie.

He’s very sweaty and I think he’s going to be sick.

We’re going to have to leave soon, so if you come, we’ll likely be gone.

DOING IT FUCKEN GAHGHNAMAHA SYTLE!!!!

CANT EAT OLIVES IN NEW YEAR.

BUMMER.

IT SUCKS UP MY AURA OR SOMETHING.

It’s Rachelle again.

We have to go.

He’s showing his scars to a couple.

He just asked them if they were foreign.

JUSS MET SOME CRAZY BRAZILIIAAAANIAS!

ONE WAS BALCK AND THE OTHER WHITE!

FREAK OUT!

It’s Rachelle again.

We’re in the cab home now.

Yes, he was just sick out the window.

Words can’t describe.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’ll be able to make brunch tomorrow.

 

]]> http://michaelmurray.ca/new-years-eve-text-messages/feed 1 Unedited Donald Trump Tweets following Obama’s Presidential Victory http://michaelmurray.ca/unedited-donald-trump-tweets-following-obamas-presidential-victory http://michaelmurray.ca/unedited-donald-trump-tweets-following-obamas-presidential-victory#comments Wed, 07 Nov 2012 17:53:55 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=2839 Donald Trump, as you may have heard, had a Twitter meltdown Tuesday night after Barack Obama defeated Mitt Romney in the 2012 Presidential election. Shortly after his intemperate screed, Trump began to edit and take down some of his more inflammatory posts, but I have a record of the originals, which I am now going to post for posterity:

Donald J Trump     39 m

Our nation is a once great nation divided.

Donald J Trump     43 m

Our country is now in serious and unprecedented trouble…like never before.

Donald J Trump       49m

Our country is a total sham and travesty. We are not a democracy!

Donald J Trump        51m

More votes equals a loss…revolution!

Donald J Trump        51m

Let’s fight like hell and stop this great and disgusting injustice! The world is laughing at us.

Donald J Trump       53m

We can’t let this happen. We should march on Washington and stop this travesty. Our nation is totally divided

Donald J Trump        54 m

The phony electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one!

Donald J Trump        1 hr

He lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a revolution in this country!

Donald J Trump         1hr 2 m

I can’t stop crying. America died.

Donald J Trump          1 hr 9m

I make the best luxury golf resorts in the world. Quality. 10% off for Revolutionaries.

Donald J Trump         1 hr 21m

Don’t miss the Trump Universe Pageant in Atlantic City 2013. We will rebuild with sexy ladies!

Donald J Trump     1 hr 23m

I offer 5 million dollars to the first patriot that maims our imposter president or lures him into sex tape situation.

Donald J Trump 1 hr 23 m

Patriot also gets a Lexus, quality vehicle with power windows. Gold.

Donald J Trump 1 hr 37m

Hate his imposter president’s monkey ears! Streets must flow with blood!

Donald J Trump 1 hr 39m

It will be AIDs blood, so wear rain boots!

Donald J Trump 1 hr 41m

Out of vodka and bored of my hookers.

Donald J Trump 1 hr 42m

Burning cigarette into woman’s flesh less energizing than would have thought.

Donald J Trump 1 hr 48m

She a good screamer, though, I’ll give her that.

Donald J Trump 1 hr 51m

Takes a lot of moxie to get on the Apprentice.

Donald J Trump 1 hr 52m

Moving to Dubai. Fuck America in the face. America, you’re fucking fired!

Donald J Trump 2hr 2m

Condos starting from just $1,699,000. Be amongst the first to live in most prestigious location in all of NYC!

Donald J Trump 2 hr 7 m

Thanks a lot Christians for not showing up to vote. You disgust me.

Donald J Trump 2 hr 18m

Can’t believe we have a Korean President! They eat dogs!!

Donald J Trump 2 hr 24m

Building a quality bomb. Trump quality. Will get the job done.

]]> http://michaelmurray.ca/unedited-donald-trump-tweets-following-obamas-presidential-victory/feed 3