After being rejected by two guys and then seeing me approaching, he said in a voice that was both inviting and reproachful, “Hey man, don’t be like those guys, why dontcha buy one?” I shook my head, and this brought out his bitterness, “ You’re not in a hurry, man, you’re not doing anything, I can see that!”

He was right, but it still felt like an insult, like it was intended to be an insult, and as I sat down to have a tea on front of the Common, I was now acutely aware that I was no different than any of the other drifters who composed the street at this hour.

A young homeless man with a big, spacey grin on his face and a huge backpack slung over his shoulders came down the sidewalk. Everything made him happy, and when he saw my tea he beamed as if he had just seen a mystical object. I thought he might reach down and take it, but a display bicycle in front of Curbside Cycle caught his eye. Fashionable, with a big, wooden delivery container at the front, it was just sitting there, one of those art objects that got people in off the street to talk to the engaging staff.

The homeless guy just got on this bike, and silently, practically invisibly, turned into traffic and vanished into the city. It was astonishing, this, like something imagined rather than seen. Curious to see how the world would unfold without intervention, I did nothing. Nobody did anything, until one of the employees happened out of the store, noticed the missing bike and had events explained to him by a preoccupied deliveryman, who pointed down the street.

As if created for just such an occasion, two young men rocketed out onto the street from the store and sprinted off after the missing bike. They were built for this. Not for violence or displays of virility, but because their native disposition was to act, to confidently not be a bystander. A pretty girl came out from the store and watched after them, standing on a concrete city planter as if a pedestal and staring off into the horizon after her knights. And there was something beautiful and heartbreaking in this, and in their return five minutes later with the purloined bike, and once again the winners having won, the loser having lost.

“This is not just a metaphor for my time as mayor, but for life. It’s a struggle, it’s always a battle, but even when it’s -2 out and all you want to do is watch YouTube videos in bed and drink Gatorade, you have to get up, go out there and work to make the world a better place. As the great and controversial Japanese author Haruki Murakami said, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

“Ah geez, I don’t remember this one. It looks like I’m with Jesus. Maybe a parade?”

“Couldn’t believe how frigging big that owl was! Truth be told, I was kind of scared of the thing, but in politics, as in life, you have to overcome your fears, and I did. I looked that owl in the eyes and said to myself, “Mr. Owl, I respect you, but I am not afraid of you, not even if you do that Exorcist thing with your head. You shall have no dominion over me!” And even though I am a man and the owl is a bird creature, and I was speaking in my head, it’s like the owl “got” what I was saying. We came to an understanding and I overcame my fear of that owl. That’s what politics is all about.”

“I remember that day! It’s the small moments that comprise a life, isn’t it? I had to take the TTC because my driver had been arrested for something, forget what. Anyway, I’m a man of the people and had been talking to everybody, learning about them, and then I had a moment to myself, some quiet time for reflection, and I was thinking about my fantasy football team and how to make Toronto a better city. That’s when the Ferris wheel idea came to me.”

“This is one of my favourite moments from all my time in office. For a brief instance, we were all able to put aside our differences and come together as one. It was beautiful, man, just beautiful. One love, that’s what it’s all about, one love. That’s how I’d like my years as Mayor of Toronto to be remembered. When I was mayor, Toronto was the city that danced like nobody was watching.”

“I was looking up at that sculpture of the rat, and it looked to me like it had been decapitated and its head had just been put up on a spit as a trophy, everybody laughing. I don’t know why, but I was suddenly overcome by an empathy for the creature and I just wanted to reach out and touch its face, let it know that it was loved.”

Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen 1 Jan

Don’t go into the New Year holding a grudge from last year. Leave the hurts and disappointments behind.

Michael Murray @michaelmurray 1 Jan

But I am still very angry and disappointed! Why did God forget to make me money???

Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen 1 Jan

Get ready; things are shifting in your favor. Don’t talk yourself out of it. Believe this is your year for acceleration.

Michael Murray @michaelmurrayca 1 Jan

I don’t understand. Do you mean my anger and disappointment are going to accelerate or that God is some kind of passive-aggressive reverse psychologist?

Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen 2 Jan

This is a new day. The tide of the battle has turned. Declare freedom from anything that is holding you back.

Michael Murray @michaelmurrayca 2 Jan

I declare freedom from our Visa bill. Also, amnesty from poker debt. Supernatural debt relief is completely fucking awesome!!!

Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen 3 Jan

Make room for something new. Go out today expecting blessings, divine connections & unprecedented favor.

Michael Murray @michaelmurrayca 3 Jan

I am stoked. Will wear my favourite, God-approved argyle sweater!! Look out, ladies!

Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen 4 Jan

Whatever wrong has been done in your life, get past it. God knows what He’s doing. You are not at a disadvantage.

Michael Murray @michaelmurrayca 4 Jan

I only have one lung. God made humans with two lungs. I have one. How is that not a disadvantage??!! Do you or God even have an idea what getting through a humid day with one lung is like???

Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen 5 Jan

Don’t settle in the land of barely enough. Have an abundant mentality. Make room for God to show you His goodness in a new way.

Michael Murray @michaelmurrayca 5 Jan

Still angry about your last post, but it’s true, I’ve been living in the land of barely enough WAY too long. Also, God would want me to let your last post go, right?

Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen 6 Jan

You can’t think thoughts of lack and expect to have abundance. We serve a God of more than enough.

Michael Murray @michaelmurrayca 6 Jan

And Satan is like the tax department? You’re starting to confuse me, or a demon has seized me with the bafflement. Maybe both.

Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen 7 Jan

Good news: The right people are already in your future. It’s just a matter of time before they show up.

Michael Murray @michaelmurrayca 7 Jan

And they’re bringing the money, right? God and I need to be straight on this.