As many of you know, I grew up in the same part of Ottawa as Canadian Prime Minister and Rolling Stone Cover Boy, Justin Trudeau.
Although I was a few years older, our paths still crossed many times, and even if we’re far from good friends, we have an amicable, nodding relationship that has well positioned me to assist him and the Liberal party in the creation of a series of Justin Trudeau romance novellas.
What follows are excerpts from some of the books:
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Book Title: Never The Same Way Twice
His fame and internationally renowned good-looks made it hard for Justin to live the simple life he so often craved. Sure, he got a lot of satisfaction from being the most influential man on the planet, photobombing wedding shots and ministering to refugees, but what he really missed was just rocking out at concerts like an average Canadian, an average Canadian who was lucky to live in the second best country in the world, according to U.S. News & World Report.
But tonight, tonight Justin was going to let the world save itself.
Disguised as a relatively plain Canadian– but for his fantastically lithe and toned body– Justin was going to let loose at the big Blue Rodeo concert.
It had been a long time since he’d rock n’ rolled.
It’s funny how two lives might entwine, and little did Blue Rodeo super fan Brenna Macdonald know, as she took the number 95 OC Transpo bus in from Orleans to catch the show, that her life was about to be forever altered.
Book Title: A Song Of Ice And Fire And Good Governance
Sansa’s heart was racing, galloping so hard that she was sure he must hear it. He took her chin in his hands, his hands made so strong by all the beautiful planks he regularly executed, and raised her lips toward his. At that moment he ceased to be Justin Trudeau, the widower Prime Minister of Canada, the lost Parliamentary Democracy of Westeros and only hope in the battle against the White Walkers, the White Walkers who had taken his bride, and he became something else. He became a vessel of passion.
“Je veux faire un amour doux mais ferme envers vous, ma reine,” he said to her in his mystical language, as he pulled her to him.
She could feel his manhood pressing against her, his lips now so passionately, so respectfully, on hers, and her release was so great that Sansa felt as if she was marble melting under the light.
Book Title: For Love Of Country
It was the best Pride parade that Toronto had ever seen, and the joy of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as he marched the streets– his white shirt soaking wet and clinging to his smooth body from all the water gun fights– was infectious. Sal, like everybody else, could not stop smiling as he watched from the crowded sidewalk. And then, as if a divine hand had ordained it, Justin’s eyes locked with his. The free-spirited and inclusive leader of a great nation beckoned for Sal to join him on the street, and immediately security parted the sea of people to make way for him. Sal, in a wheelchair and impotent since the mortar explosion in Kandahar, rolled out to him. The Prime Minister asked for permission, and then playfully sat on his lap and put his arm around him as they proceeded down Church Street and into a future neither one of them could have imagined.
THE SITUATION
I was really looking forward to having sushi for lunch. I walked all the way to Sushi on Bloor and then back home, and when I put MY LUNCH down on the coffee table and went ( FOR JUST ONE MINUTE) to get some water, the dog ate every last bit of sushi that there was.
YOUR MOODS (rate each mood 0-100%)
Enraged 180%
Depressed 90%
Humiliated 60%
THOUGHTS (highlight the HOT thought)
I will regret killing the dog.
Rachelle will be inconsolable if I kill the dog.
HOT THOUGHT—SHOULD I STILL KILL THE DOG?
Can you go to jail for killing a dog?
Will I have a heart attack if I attack the dog?
Why does the dog hate me?
What does it feel like to be an Alpha?
Why is the world against me?
THE SITUATION
Rachelle and I were watching Game of Thrones and Ygritte, Jon Snow’s love, died.
YOUR MOODS
Depressed 200%
Frustrated 200%
Angry 200%
Hurt 200%
Insecure 30%
THOUGHTS
WHY THE FUCK DOES GAME OF THRONES KEEP KILLING OFF ALL THE PEOPLE I LIKE?? JESUS! THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THE SHOW ARE MONSTERS!! THE LOVE STORY BETWEEN YGRITTE AND JON WAS COMPLEX AND TRUE AND ONE OF THE FEW GLIMPSES OF LIGHT IN THE DEATH AND SORROW FEST THAT IS GAME OF THRONES AND THEN THEY GO AND KILL HER! IT WAS MEAN, JUST FUCKING CRUEL! CAN THERE BE NO BEAUTY IN THIS WORLD???!!! (THIS IS ALL A HOT THOUGHT) I TOOK AN ATIVAN HOPING TO RELAX, BUT IT DID NOT KICK IN FOR AN HOUR AT WHICH POINT THE EPISODE WAS ALREADY OVER. THE DARK MOOD STAYED WITH ME FOR DAYS.
THE SITUATION
Jose Fernandez, star pitcher of the Florida Marlins and of my fantasy baseball team A Fury of Pigeons, had season ending surgery thus scuttling my chances of winning the league this year.
YOUR MOODS
Depression (100%)
Anger (100%)
Jealousy (80%)
Bitterness (200%)
THOUGHTS
This cannot be happening.
Somebody is playing a big trick on me.
It’s a massive conspiracy.
There is a massive conspiracy afoot to make me have a heart attack.
HOT THOUGHT–I LOVE JOSE FERNANDEZ SO MUCH.
I love Jose Fernandez more than I loved Ygritte.
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