Achieving one of the highest pollution ratings in the history of the planet last week, the city of Shanghai was almost completely enveloped by smog.
The skyline was obscured, schoolchildren were ordered to stay inside and all manner of commerce was suspended. This was a monumental, even apocalyptic kind of problem, but the government decided to use it as a rather cheerful opportunity to disseminate propaganda, pointing out that the smog was excellent for national defence as it acted as a kind of shield, discombobulating the navigational systems of enemy missiles. I present to you a short list of some of the messages the government passed along to the people in the hopes of quelling their anxiety and boosting their morale:
“Although criminals may think the smog conceals their actions from our surveillance cameras, the people of China will always do what is right!”
“Now free from the courageous bustle of industry, it is a lovely time to stroll the streets of Shanghai!”
‘It is important for the people of China to understand that the pollution we see in the air is definitely not living invisibly in the water, earth or food sources of our nation! China: United in safety!”
“The brownish, rank smog must know that the colour of Red China will never change!”
“Be indomitable in physical training to strengthen the physique, but please, not outdoors in peak smog hours!”
“The people must keep the birth rate low to defeat the smog! ”
“We are fortunate and blessed not to have a flu epidemic while the people fight smog!”
“The smog is our shield against aggressive capitalist imperialism!”
“It is good that Kanye cancelled his concert in Shanghai because of the smog for he is decadent and corrupt!”
“Like smog, the Gods of wealth can enter the home from everywhere if the worker is committed!”
“Chinese women’s volleyball, #1 the envy of the world!”
