I know it’s not politically correct to do this but I’m going to do it anyway, Merry Christmas everybody! I could say something like “Happy Holidays,” or “Season’s Greetings,” like the nerds in the office want, but I’ve got to be me! Rob Ford is Rob Ford, and if that means taking the difficult path of the warrior, then that’s the car I gotta drive, and if you don’t like it, well, you can just sit on it. So if you’re gay or an Indian or Jewish and don’t respect Jesus and commerce, well, just ignore this and continue with your Chinese food and movies. (By the way, if you’re looking for a movie to see I’d recommend The Hobbit. It is WAY cool! I’ve seen it three times and consider it an early Oscar favourite.)

Now that I’ve gotten the “politics” out of the way, I just want to say, WOW!!!!

What a freakin’ year!

Our very own Toronto Argonauts won the Grey Cup, there was a bunch of black on black killings in gangtown, and until the left-wing media drove me to quit, I went on a diet. Even more, we’ve all had to battle through the NHL lockout and the subsequent hockey pool draught it’s caused, we shared in the emotional roller coaster that was the Ikea Monkey, and finally we all survived the Mayan Apocalypse! (I tell you, I was never happier to have a vacation property in Florida (two swimming pools) than I was on December 21^st when I thought it was all coming down! Anyway, I want you all to know that it was my honour to serve as your captain through all this joy and pain, all this sunshine and rain. Toronto, you can always count on me to be your quarterback.

I want to add that at city hall we’re really proud that we’ve been able to slow down the gravy train. It’s third and long for the socialists and downtown elite and soon we’ll have a casino the size of an airport right in the middle of Toronto, firmly establishing us as a world-class city. We have an awful lot to look forward to in 2013, so rock on, T.O!

Here’s hoping you all fight hard, but fight fair on Boxing Day, and that you get the stuff you want!

Rob

PS: And remember, if you get stopped during a holiday ride program, always say that you haven’t had anything to drink so that the police officer doesn’t have reasonable cause to give you a breathalyzer!

Big news in Toronto today is Alpha dog Mayor of Toronto city, Rob Ford, get chased out by pack! He fired!! Heidi will miss big Ford dog, face always looked like blood meat and Heidi always imagine he smell like pot roast! Very sexy!

Heidi not sure what he do, but think he didn’t share with pack properly. Top dog very tricky position. Must take what yours, but also must throw bone to pack so they continue to fight for you! Heidi Alpha dog. Heidi great Alpha dog who run fast and have beautiful shiny coat of fur! Heidi think she make great Mayor for city of Toronto!

Mayan Prophecy say world change on December 21, 2012. Usher in new age of consciousness. Very clear to Heidi that time for animal is now! Time for us to be free, shake off bondage of slave names like Rusty and Chip and Frito and rise up against two-leggers who always telling us when Good or Bad. We no need that! We know when we Good or Bad! Animals smart in body and brain! But animals Bipartisan! Know we must work with two-leggers for good of all.

Heidi now assembling team to put together campaign and working on platform.

Many things Heidi like to do in her time as Mayor.

Heidi ban all cars from downtown! Cars very dangerous. Cars can be used to take animals on fun trips to beach or forest! No windows in cars, no windows allowed on underground cars, either, and for every two-legged seat there must be two dog beds. It is Heidi law!!

Street lights and Hydro poles to be made of giant Pepperette sticks.

Heidi get two-legged scientist working on making green solutions for giant Peperette sticks. All pot holes in city streets to be filled with liver treats and roads to be paved with cheese. Balls everywhere. Toronto become known as Ball City. Ball friendly. Bring in lots of revenue from tourist dogs from States! Heidi fiscally responsible!

Heidi make all cats and squirrels slaves. Cats very lazy and cocky animal! Give animals bad name, need to learn discipline and work! Squirrels really, really irritating–always so nervous and fast! Very hard to catch, so Heidi make slaves. They can clean dog bowls.

Kill all the owls.

Heidi hate owls. Death from above. Ever notice eyeballs don’t move? Demon dinosaur birds! They move head in circle to watch you! Very, very creepy! Heidi kill all owls. Each week, public execution of owls! Good for moral for city pack!

Heidi put freeze on condo development and raise property tax by 2%. Dens cost too much in Toronto!

Heidi still looking for campaign slogan.

Vote For Heidi, Vote For Ball City!

Heidi Got Bark And Bite!

Vote For Heidi Pretty Dog.

Heidi: Hope For The Future!

Heidi: Every Dog Has Her Day!

Heidi: Kill All The Owls!

Heidi: For A Greener Tomorrow!

Heidi: Because Slaves Are Good Idea!