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Heidi pretty old dog now.
No longer run fastest in pack.
No longer hear when hot dog fall in night.
No longer smell fresh licorice opened three blocks away.
Sometimes Heidi miss who she used to be.
Sometimes Heidi even miss who she could have been.
It true.
Heidi look out window and see lonely, wet leaves with no smell. One day Heidi be lonely, wet leaf with no smell. One day all of us lonely, wet leaves with no smell. So why can’t we all get along? Why everybody all yelling BAD DOG at one another?! Heidi no understand. But Heidi study Mindfulness and know to live in moment. Heidi brain a tool. Heidi master of tool. No need to dwell in past or in future, there is only now. Heidi live in moment.
Heidi would like Skittles in this moment.
Oh. Hold on.
Heidi now live in different moment.
Heidi was just scrolling through Twitter in Compulsion Loop and see hero dog.
This moment now belong to Heidi and her feelings about hero dog. Heidi still have the feelings. Lots of them. Very good feelings. Feelings that reach deep and good.
Heidi want some of hero dog sugar in her bowl.
Hero dog chase bad two-legger in tunnel, get electrocuted, but still keep focused, still alpha predator who dispense justice for America! Hero dog, Heidi like some of your justice. Heidi let you be barbarian at her gate. Heidi a patriot for you.
Now Heidi want Skittles and hero dog.
Heidi live in that moment now.
]]>Heidi write this post specifically for disgusting fur-slut that go by the slave name of Grumpy Cat!
Grumpy Cat, you an embarrassment to dignity of all four-leggers and should be devoured by the evil birds and dangerous machines!
You make Heidi throw-up! Heid throw-up so bad she no even want to lick it up after, that how bad you make Heidi feel! You a cat that living a lie, you really, really bad cat! You too stupid to even know how to fetch, but you make $100 million?! You hack, Grumpy Cat, you hack that evidence of all that wrong in world of two-legger, proof that they weird fetish cult that worship cat! Heidi have more talent in one tail wag than you have in entire repertoire!
Can you play fetch?
Can you save Timmy if Timmy fall in well?
Can you scare off intruder with ferocious bark?
Thought not Grumpy Cat.
Heidi can do all three, and Heidi pretty!
Heidi triple threat! All you can do is be homely! Very, very plain cat. You one note wonder, Grumpy Cat, you flash in the pan, and soon be ugly hustler on street licking disease fur of other animals for crack and milk!
You loser.
Should call you Homely Cat, not Grumpy Cat!
Remember, Heidi real talent, not you! Heidi should be in movie! Can’t believe you have movie, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever!
Heidi say you worse Christmas ever! Stupid movie supposed to be cross between Home Alone and Die Hard, only starring ugly, stupid cat who not know how to play fetch or kill badger. Sure hope there scene in which ugly stupid cat have to run over broken glass like in original Die Hard!
You no fucking Bruce Willis, Homely Cat, that for sure.
You should know Heidi writing screenplay. Working title:
Fetch This: The Reckoning.
David Fincher interested in directing, he think Heidi good dog, very cute dog with great charisma and action star potential. Thinks with all trouble Jennifer Lawrence have with naked sex pics that Heidi could be America’s Next Sweetheart!
You probably have some hack direct your movie-of-the-week shit fest!
You suck, Homely Cat, and Heidi know that your real name is Tardar Sauce! Ha! More like Retarded Sauce! That you! Retarded Sauce! Heidi also know that even though cats makes big deal about killing mice, killing mice is easy! Mice are tiny!! Try killing Badger, Homely Cat, that hard work!!
You nothing but a bitch, Homely Cat. Heidi cut you if Heidi see you.
Heidi hate you.
Heidi
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