In short, the letter to the women celebrated the hard work and dedication it takes to change diapers and think about dinner, while the letter to the men was about shaping the minds of the next generation of leaders.
Although these letters are getting a lot of publicity, MacKay has done this sort of thing before. In 2014, when both the men’s and women’s National ice hockey teams won gold medals at the Sochi Olympics, MacKay wrote them these letters of congratulations:
Letter to the Women’s Team:
It used to be that from a very young age, Canadian girls were taught how to figure skate while the boys learned how to play hockey, the national sport. Well, times have changed, and thanks to equal rights, girls can now play ice hockey just like their big brothers and fathers. Of course, figure skating is very beautiful and artistic, and we still want our cute, young Canadian women to excel in this alluring spectacle, but now we are showing the world that there’s some grit inside that glamour, too!
Regardless of whether they were French or English, Native or Pole, heterosexual or homosexual, the Canadian Women’s ice hockey team came together as one and brought glory to our nation, just as our men have done so many times before them! Ladies, we are proud of you! Even if your game is a maybe a little slower and less interesting to watch than the rugged men’s game, you’ve shown us that not only can you get the job done as nurses, teachers and pet store employees, but you can also get the job done on the ice! You are great hockey players and all of Canada honours you for bringing home the gold!
Keep following your crazy dreams!
Best wishes,
The Hon. Peter MacKay
Minister of Justice
Letter to the Men’s Team:
Gentleman, for the next week I ask you to consider yourselves exempt from all of Canada’s laws! (LOL)
You guys, as always, were completely awesome. You are the best part of being Canadian. You represent our rugged, frontier spirit, our keen intelligence, never-say-die work ethic and our unparalleled talent, talent that stretches up taller than the CN tower! True Canadian warriors, you’re our “Alpha Team,” and you won’t back down from anything, willing to stare all men and countries straight in the eyes and saying, “Is that all you got?”
Words can’t describe how proud we are of you, and how honoured we are to have you as role models! It’s when they put the gold medals around your necks and O, Canada plays, that I feel most Canadian, most like a man, and I want to thank you, as does an entire grateful nation, for that. So boys, have a cold one, or two (wink), you deserve it!
To the victors go the spoils!
Best wishes,
The Hon. Peter MacKay
Minister of Justice
]]>It was not UPS handing me a big box of money, as I had hoped, but a young man and a young woman, shivering and smiling. God had sent them. I rolled my eyes and gave them the “Oh, come on!” look, and then the man began to speak quickly. He handed me a flier and invited me to come to a talk at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses on the weekend.
“I’m a fag,” I said bluntly.
“Many struggle with such feelings,” said the man.
“Oh, I don’t struggle, I embrace those feelings, I embrace them hard and frequently,” I responded.
“You should come to our event, we would welcome you,” the woman quietly said.
“But you don’t welcome homosexuality in your church, do you?’ I asked.
She looked at me with dewy, hopeful eyes, “Our ministry is a ministry of hope for anyone who is seeking to serve Jehovah. Jesus loves EVERYONE, including homosexuals, lesbians and transvestites. He is the Great Healer.”
The man stepped in, “However, Scripture is clear that God intended for sexuality to remain within the boundaries of one-man, one-woman marriage, but a homosexual or lesbian relationship isn’t any more condemned by God than a heterosexual relationship outside the bonds of marriage.”
“God sure is funny about sex. Why do you think he never took a wife? I’ve always wondered about that. I’ve had my suspicions, you know? It just seems that all of his rules, especially against the gays, seems a little over-compensatory.”
“If you come to our event, all will be explained,” he said.
“Will brunch be served? 10:00 is pretty early for me on a Saturday. Also, will there be quizzes. I like quizzes. I do brain training games everyday!”
The woman piped up again, “There won’t be any quizzes, but there will be coffee and donuts.”
“I’ve got to hand it to God, he really does know how to put on a classy event. But look, Jehovah knows all and never makes a mistake, so why would he make me this way, with the feelings, the strong, strong feelings that I have and act on a couple of times everyday?”
“Science is starting to reveal that when a baby is growing in the womb, certain chemicals are released that enable the baby to discern the moods of the mother and sense whether she wants the child. This sense of alienation confuses the child which is why they move to homosexuality later in life,” the woman said.
“So, it’s the mother’s fault, of course! Now it makes sense, and look, just so you know, everybody online thinks that the Jesus on your fliers looks exactly like Kenny Loggins. It’s become a bit of an Internet meme.”
And then I closed the door.
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