His pitches were comets from distant and never imagined galaxies. They were rockets, they were bombs, they were terrifying, curving flourishes that made you think you were watching the astonishing dazzle of an alien technology. It was a new kind of physics, one that allowed him to perform stunning feats that lifted us from our lousy, mortal shells,.
He was a blazing fire, a goddamned Demi-God.
Fernandez died in a boating accident on Sunday at the age of 24.
( This is a photograph of Dee Gordon, Jose Fernandez’s teammate. Gordon is known for his speed, not his power, and he is so thin and little that he truly looks like a child out there amongst the gigantic professional athletes. On the first game back after his friend’s death, in his first at bat, he hit a home run, and as he circled the bases he wept like a boy. As he said later in an interview, “I ain’t never hit a ball that far, even in batting practice. I told the boys, ‘If you all don’t believe in God, you better start.’ For that to happen today, we had some help.”)
Three times, Jose attempted to defect from Cuba to the US unsuccessfully, and after each failed attempt he was put in prison where, still a boy, he shared space with hard and dangerous men. In 2007, at the age of 15, he made the crossing successfully, but not before somebody on his boat was washed overboard. Fernandez, operating on the pure instinct of a boy that age, when right and wrong seem clear, and your body, your entire life, is still radiant and unlimited, dove into the night waters to save the person. He had no idea who had been swept into the ocean, and with each stroke he took, an eight-foot wave grabbed him, lifting him up into the shifting darkness above, before splashing down and submerging him again. The person, somewhere before him, bobbing in and out of sight, was his mother. He got to her, told her to hold tight to his left shoulder, asked her not to push down, and slowly swam her back to the boat.
Imagine that.
Imagine doing something so great with your life.
His baseball career was short and beautiful and joyous. It was something to behold, each start an event I got excited for, anticipating it the same way some other people might anticipate a new Game of Thrones episode or a Bruce Springsteen concert.
He was, in a word, awesome, and his death was a tragedy for the communities he lived amongst, and even beyond, even to a 50 year-old white guy living in Toronto who found himself trying to explain to his wife why he’s crying about the death of some pitcher on his fantasy baseball team.
The boat Fernandez was on the night of his death was traveling around 55-60 mph. He was with two of his friends, both around his age, and it was late. It would have been dark, black even– nothing but the feel of water beneath and sky above. Everything beautiful, the wind and spray and stars in his face, infinity spreading out in all directions…And Jose Fernandez, soon to be a father, moving into the future with such velocity, confidence and hard earned momentum… And then the boat hit a rock jetty and all three of the men died on impact.
Just like that.
They would not have known what had happened.
Our lives are so brief.
We’re all speeding through the dark, the beautiful and the damned, alike, each one of us luckier and more vulnerable than we could ever imagine.
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THE SITUATION
I was really looking forward to having sushi for lunch. I walked all the way to Sushi on Bloor and then back home, and when I put MY LUNCH down on the coffee table and went ( FOR JUST ONE MINUTE) to get some water, the dog ate every last bit of sushi that there was.
YOUR MOODS (rate each mood 0-100%)
Enraged 180%
Depressed 90%
Humiliated 60%
THOUGHTS (highlight the HOT thought)
I will regret killing the dog.
Rachelle will be inconsolable if I kill the dog.
HOT THOUGHT—SHOULD I STILL KILL THE DOG?
Can you go to jail for killing a dog?
Will I have a heart attack if I attack the dog?
Why does the dog hate me?
What does it feel like to be an Alpha?
Why is the world against me?
THE SITUATION
Rachelle and I were watching Game of Thrones and Ygritte, Jon Snow’s love, died.
YOUR MOODS
Depressed 200%
Frustrated 200%
Angry 200%
Hurt 200%
Insecure 30%
THOUGHTS
WHY THE FUCK DOES GAME OF THRONES KEEP KILLING OFF ALL THE PEOPLE I LIKE?? JESUS! THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THE SHOW ARE MONSTERS!! THE LOVE STORY BETWEEN YGRITTE AND JON WAS COMPLEX AND TRUE AND ONE OF THE FEW GLIMPSES OF LIGHT IN THE DEATH AND SORROW FEST THAT IS GAME OF THRONES AND THEN THEY GO AND KILL HER! IT WAS MEAN, JUST FUCKING CRUEL! CAN THERE BE NO BEAUTY IN THIS WORLD???!!! (THIS IS ALL A HOT THOUGHT) I TOOK AN ATIVAN HOPING TO RELAX, BUT IT DID NOT KICK IN FOR AN HOUR AT WHICH POINT THE EPISODE WAS ALREADY OVER. THE DARK MOOD STAYED WITH ME FOR DAYS.
THE SITUATION
Jose Fernandez, star pitcher of the Florida Marlins and of my fantasy baseball team A Fury of Pigeons, had season ending surgery thus scuttling my chances of winning the league this year.
YOUR MOODS
Depression (100%)
Anger (100%)
Jealousy (80%)
Bitterness (200%)
THOUGHTS
This cannot be happening.
Somebody is playing a big trick on me.
It’s a massive conspiracy.
There is a massive conspiracy afoot to make me have a heart attack.
HOT THOUGHT–I LOVE JOSE FERNANDEZ SO MUCH.
I love Jose Fernandez more than I loved Ygritte.
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