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Keto Diet – Welcome To The Magical Friendship Squad! http://michaelmurray.ca Michael Murray Writes Things Fri, 28 Jun 2019 18:48:49 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.3 Text Conversation http://michaelmurray.ca/text-conversation http://michaelmurray.ca/text-conversation#respond Fri, 28 Jun 2019 18:42:23 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=7458 These are the text messages I received from my wife Rachelle the other day:

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Rachelle: Oh.

Rachelle: Well, I didn’t realize you felt that way about Keto Pizza Night.

Rachelle: Just a 5 out of 10, eh?

Rachelle: Oh. More like a high 4 out of 10. I see.

Rachelle: It’s been so brave of you to stoically endure like that, especially when you’re not even on the Keto diet!

Rachelle: It would be awful to have a homemade pizza created for you each week.

Rachelle: I can’t even imagine.

Rachelle: Yes, it’s true.

Rachelle: You really would do anything for your family.

Rachelle: Such courage.

Rachelle: You know what else you could do for you family?

Rachelle: No, this isn’t about getting a job.

Rachelle: I know how debilitating your allergies can be.

Rachelle: Yes, it must be like having Face Fibromyalgia!

Rachelle: Poor Pickle and his FF.

Rachelle: You should make a Facebook meme about this condition! Spread the word! Complain!

Rachelle: I’m sorry, I meant share information, not complain.

Rachelle: But look, what I’m preposing is this: Instead of me doing Keto Pizza Night for everybody each Tuesday night, maybe you could make something instead?

Rachelle: What do you mean you have to think about it?

Rachelle: No, I think you should get back to me now.

Rachelle: No.

Rachelle: No ketchup based soups.

Rachelle: Because it’s disgusting.

Rachelle: Look, all you have to do is BBQ a steak and pour some salad from a bag onto a plate.

Rachelle: I believe in you, Pickle.

Rachelle: I believe you have what it takes to become Master of Fire.

Rachelle: That’s why I married you. I knew you would one day become Master of Fire.

Rachelle: Sure, I guess it was like a prophecy.

Rachelle: Oh! I found your glasses, by the way!

Rachelle: Jones had put them, very delicately, in the middle of a stack of towels in the linen closet.

Rachelle: There is a Spiderman sticker on the left lens.

Rachelle: No, I didn’t take it off.

Rachelle: I thought it looked sweet.

Rachelle: Nothing can stop you now. You are the Master of Fire. You’ll figure out how to remove the sticker.

Rachelle: Okay, I have to go now, it’s time for my power skating/massage session with Pierre! Should be back around 7:00! xo

 

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Text Messages http://michaelmurray.ca/text-messages-8 http://michaelmurray.ca/text-messages-8#respond Wed, 13 Feb 2019 17:14:53 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=7343 These are the text messages I received from my wife the other day:

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Rachelle: No, it’s not.

Rachelle: I’m sorry Pickle, you’re wrong.

Rachelle: It’s not the Marie Keto diet.

Rachelle: There are two different things. The Keto diet where you eat steak, and Marie Kondo, a Japanese spirit who tidies apartments when you’re sleeping.

Rachelle: It’s an easy mistake to make.

Rachelle: I don’t know how you’re expected to keep up either!

Rachelle: The world moves quickly, it really does.

Rachelle: Did you drop Jones off at daycare?

Rachelle: “Only Jones and Hulk make the rules now?”

Rachelle: He said that to you when you asked him to put on his boots?

Rachelle: OMG, that is the funniest thing I have ever heard!

Rachelle: I’m not sure I’d want to live in a world like that, either.

Rachelle: Can you imagine?

Rachelle: There would just be SO MUCH SMASHING.

Rachelle: Marie Kondo should be part of the Hulk and Jones team, quietly tidying up after they raze city after city.

Rachelle: Really?

Rachelle: How is that sexist?

Rachelle: And disrespectful to Asian culture?

Rachelle: It just is? Is that all you’ve got???

Rachelle: Look, proclaiming that you’re tolerant of everything but intolerance is not an explanation for why you think I’m sexist and racist.

Rachelle: No it isn’t.

Rachelle: It doesn’t even really make sense.

Rachelle: Yes.

Rachelle: By extension you don’t really make sense either.

Rachelle: Yes, all your friends know that.

Rachelle: For a very long time now.

Rachelle: When you really get going we call it “Murrbling,” as in, “Man alive, was Michael ever Murrbling last night!”

Rachelle: I don’t have time right now, Pickle. My hockey game is about to start.

Rachelle: Okay, I’ll pick up some Jackson Triggs on the way back, and of course I’ll come home with my shield, or on it. They don’t call me the Blonde Volcano for nothing!

Rachelle: Love you, too, and don’t let Jones and the Hulk push you around. You make the rules!

Rachelle: Yes.

Rachelle: By that I did mean I make the rules. xo

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