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Manga – Welcome To The Magical Friendship Squad! http://michaelmurray.ca Michael Murray Writes Things Fri, 26 Jul 2013 16:54:32 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.3 Our Potential Japanese Exchange Student http://michaelmurray.ca/our-potential-japanese-exchange-student http://michaelmurray.ca/our-potential-japanese-exchange-student#comments Wed, 03 Jul 2013 06:09:51 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=3542 Last week Rachelle and I received an email from an acquaintance that had been sent out to about 50 people that she knew and trusted. This is the email:I am looking for a home stay for a 21-year-old Japanese university student in Toronto this summer. Emiko Kobayashi will come from Tokyo around August until the end of September. She’s a bright, sweet girl who needs to build confidence in speaking English so I’m hoping she can stay with a couple that will provide a bit more interaction than the professor and his wife who have persuaded her to come, or me, since I live alone and don’t have a spare bedroom!”

tokyo

This is my response:

“ What a wonderful and interesting opportunity for a cultural exchange! I think that Rachelle and I would be very keen in such an arrangement, as working at home alone as freelance writer while Rachelle is off at work each day, has left me lonely as I have nothing to keep me company but my masculine energy.  I sure could use somebody to talk to, and as you know, I really do like to talk! All sorts of talk, in fact, and you should know I would be really happy to engage in role-playing talk if it were to help Emiko with her English!

Does Emiko like anime and manga? I do.

lum

And shy is cute. But tell me, does shy also mean submissive? Although I love Japanese culture and the women who populate it, I have to admit that I am not up on a lot of the culture nuances. I think submissive is a good quality, as well as a complete lack of confidence and a slightly frightened deference to age.

As you know, Rachelle and I have a Miniature Dachshund named Heidi. All the Japanese girls go crazy when they see me walking her on Bloor. They run over in beautiful Asian waves, squealing and bowing and cooing and stroking our dog with their curious fingers, and it’s so beautiful I feel like I’m in a heavenly nest made entirely of Japanese girls! Anyhow, what I mean to say is that I am sure Emiko (can I call her Iko?) would just love her. However, our dog does not obey me at all, nobody does, and it would be really great if Iko was obedient in nature. (Not a condition, just a statement.)

We have a spare bedroom, but there is no door on it, and you have to pass through that room in order to get to our one washroom. I make several trips to the bathroom each night, but I am quiet and very discreet, so I’m sure that Iko would have no problem with my shadowy, forbidden, paternal presence.

In shorts (Ha! I meant to write in short!) I think we have a perfect set-up for Iko and would very much look forward to tutoring her over the summer!

Let us know if this works for you folks!

Michael Murray

 

]]> http://michaelmurray.ca/our-potential-japanese-exchange-student/feed 3 Being Trapped in an Outhouse http://michaelmurray.ca/being-trapped-in-an-outhouse http://michaelmurray.ca/being-trapped-in-an-outhouse#comments Fri, 05 Oct 2012 05:59:50 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=2726 My wife Rachelle and I were at a friend’s cottage a few weeks ago. At one point during lunch I had to excuse myself from the group and head off to an outhouse that was about 25 yards from the main cabin.

What follows are the text messages that I sent to Rachelle.

*******************************************

Me: Is Angus still gaying it up in there?

Me: Can’t believe he was married.

Me: Really, who did he think he was fooling?

Me: I could tell from the first time we went bowling that he was gay. Way too much follow through.

Me: Rachelle?

Me: Rachelle?

Me: Remember what our therapist said about you ignoring me?

Me: I feel invalidated.

Me: That’s why I drink so much. You invalidate me.

Me: Rachelle?

Me: Door to outhouse seems to be locked.

Me: Door is locked.

Me: I AM TRAPPED IN THE OUTHOUSE!!!

Me: HELP!!

Me: I THINK THERE IS AN EVIL GHOST ON THE ISLAND!!

Me: IT LOCKS PEOPLE IN OUTHOUSES AND WATCHES AS THEY GO INSANE AND DIE OF HEART ATTACKS!!

ME: IT’S PROBABY AN INDIAN GHOST MAD ABOUT US STEALING LAND!!

Me: I HATE EVIL GHOSTS!!!

Me: Must calm down and breathe deeply.

Me: Sweet Jesus!

Me: Breathing deeply was a very bad idea.

Me: Now very dizzy. Could vomit.

Me: Must be 1000 degrees in this coffin.

Me: Fuck global warming.

Me: I’m going to bang on the door and yell.

Me: Listen for me!

Me: Dizzy again, now with splinters.

Me: Pretty sure I’m going to die here.

Me: In my poo coffin.

Me: Amazing how strong outhouse is and how weak I am.

Me: Feel like a girl.

Me: Going to die feeling like a girl.

Me: Going to die never having seen a UFO or discovered my spirit guide.

Me: Never got to go to Japan.

Me: So sorry I never got to take you to kinky Japan.

Me: I love you Rachelle.

Me: I loved you with everything I had.

Me: Never really cheated on you.

Me: I want you to go on and live a beautiful life without me– like that speech in Titanic.

Me: I’m Jack and you’re Rose.

Me: Watch that and think of me swimming around in the water.

Me: But DO NOT hook-up with Armand.

Me: Yeah, don’t think I don’t notice the way you light up around him.

Me: Armand. Stupid name.

Me: Like a perfume.

Me: How could you like him???

Me: Would haunt the hell out of you if you hooked-up with him.

Me: HE IS A DICK.

Me: Getting darker in here.

Me: Oxygen must be getting low.

Me: Don’t know how much longer can last.

Me: Would like Sigur Ros played at my funeral and that scene from Armageddon when Bruce Willis is saying good-bye from space projected as backdrop.

Me: My love, you were always the best part of me.

Me: I will be with you always.

Me: You were my everything.

Me: Waiting now for the chariot to swing low.

Me: When the light comes for me I will go to it.

Me: I am ready.

Me: NO!!!

Me: I will fight for you!

Me: I’m not going to give up!!

Me: Splinters be damned!!

Me: Oh.

Me: Just spotted little clasp under handle.

Me: WOW!!

Me: The clasp releases the external lock!!

Me: The world is an explosion of sunlight!

Me: Electrolytes dangerously low, but will stagger to cottage.

Me: Realize how precious life is now.

Me: Hate abortion!

Me: Just stubbed toe on rock!

Me: Hate abortion, rocks and global warming!

Me: I’m coming for you, my love, I’m coming.

Me: If you get this, please save croissant for me, feeling peaked.

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