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Marie Kondo – Welcome To The Magical Friendship Squad! http://michaelmurray.ca Michael Murray Writes Things Wed, 13 Feb 2019 17:24:15 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.3 Text Messages http://michaelmurray.ca/text-messages-8 http://michaelmurray.ca/text-messages-8#respond Wed, 13 Feb 2019 17:14:53 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=7343 These are the text messages I received from my wife the other day:

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Rachelle: No, it’s not.

Rachelle: I’m sorry Pickle, you’re wrong.

Rachelle: It’s not the Marie Keto diet.

Rachelle: There are two different things. The Keto diet where you eat steak, and Marie Kondo, a Japanese spirit who tidies apartments when you’re sleeping.

Rachelle: It’s an easy mistake to make.

Rachelle: I don’t know how you’re expected to keep up either!

Rachelle: The world moves quickly, it really does.

Rachelle: Did you drop Jones off at daycare?

Rachelle: “Only Jones and Hulk make the rules now?”

Rachelle: He said that to you when you asked him to put on his boots?

Rachelle: OMG, that is the funniest thing I have ever heard!

Rachelle: I’m not sure I’d want to live in a world like that, either.

Rachelle: Can you imagine?

Rachelle: There would just be SO MUCH SMASHING.

Rachelle: Marie Kondo should be part of the Hulk and Jones team, quietly tidying up after they raze city after city.

Rachelle: Really?

Rachelle: How is that sexist?

Rachelle: And disrespectful to Asian culture?

Rachelle: It just is? Is that all you’ve got???

Rachelle: Look, proclaiming that you’re tolerant of everything but intolerance is not an explanation for why you think I’m sexist and racist.

Rachelle: No it isn’t.

Rachelle: It doesn’t even really make sense.

Rachelle: Yes.

Rachelle: By extension you don’t really make sense either.

Rachelle: Yes, all your friends know that.

Rachelle: For a very long time now.

Rachelle: When you really get going we call it “Murrbling,” as in, “Man alive, was Michael ever Murrbling last night!”

Rachelle: I don’t have time right now, Pickle. My hockey game is about to start.

Rachelle: Okay, I’ll pick up some Jackson Triggs on the way back, and of course I’ll come home with my shield, or on it. They don’t call me the Blonde Volcano for nothing!

Rachelle: Love you, too, and don’t let Jones and the Hulk push you around. You make the rules!

Rachelle: Yes.

Rachelle: By that I did mean I make the rules. xo

]]> http://michaelmurray.ca/text-messages-8/feed 0 Text Messages http://michaelmurray.ca/text-messages-7 http://michaelmurray.ca/text-messages-7#comments Thu, 17 Jan 2019 19:24:16 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=7316
These are the text messages I received from my wife Rachelle the other day:

 
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Rachelle: WE WON 3-2, AND I SCORED ALL THREE GOALS AT HOCKEY TONIGHT!!
 
Rachelle: Thank you!
 
Rachelle: Yes!
 
Rachelle: It sparked so much joy!
 
Rachelle: Yes, it sparked way more joy than throwing out all our old spices and novelty coffee mugs!
 
Rachelle: It even sparked more joy than getting rid of your shirt with all the basketball players on it!
 
Rachelle: Pickle, that shirt was racist.
 
Rachelle: It had to go.
 
Rachelle: I wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually illegal to wear that shirt outside!
 
Rachelle: Whatever the fashion equivalent is to hate speech. That’s what that shirt was.
 
Rachelle: It’s the sort of shirt Doug Ford would wear at the cottage.
 
Rachelle: Yes it is.
 
Rachelle: I mean was.
 
Rachelle: Really?
 
Rachelle: I was sure that Marie Kondo said that the joy was in the throwing out!
 
Rachelle: So you think the idea is that if you hold it and it doesn’t spark joy, then you throw it out?
 
Rachelle: This sounds like the sort of thing you’d be wrong about, Pickle.
 
Rachelle: Throwing out your racist shirt sparked WAY more joy in me than picking up that pilly, grey turtleneck you always throw on the floor.
 
Rachelle: Yes, Marie Kondo probably would look good in that turtleneck.
 
Rachelle: But you should also keep in mind how good Tom Hardy or that guy who played The Bodyguard would look in that turtleneck.
 
Rachelle: Yeah, you’re probably right– you would finish far in the distance in this “who wore the ratty, old grey turtleneck better” competition.
 
Rachelle: Look, I’ve got to get going. I’m swinging by Shoppers on the way home from my game, is there anything you want?
 
Rachelle: Okay, popcorn, coconut water and razors.
 
Rachelle: Why not Gillette razors?
 
Rachelle: I don’t understand.
 
Rachelle: Are you for men being assholes or against men being assholes?
 
Rachelle: I see.
 
Rachelle: So your position is that you will not be manipulated by a consumerist society into believing the type of razor you use is somehow symbolic of the sort of man you are, is that correct?
 
Rachelle: But regardless, you’re still getting your wife to fulfill your boycott and actualize your beliefs by doing your purchasing?
 
Rachelle: So what sort of man does that make you?
 
Rachelle: This isn’t a test.
 
Rachelle: I have never in my life met somebody with more confused political beliefs than you, my love.
 
Rachelle: Oh, I think autocorrect must have changed it from nuanced to confused! Funny, that!
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