Paltrow – Welcome To The Magical Friendship Squad!

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Paltrow – Welcome To The Magical Friendship Squad! http://michaelmurray.ca Michael Murray Writes Things Mon, 21 Nov 2016 00:23:05 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.2 Trump Tweets Brangelina http://michaelmurray.ca/trump-tweets-brangelina http://michaelmurray.ca/trump-tweets-brangelina#respond Wed, 21 Sep 2016 03:16:26 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=5948 Donald Trump takes to Twitter to weigh in on the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt divorce:

Donald J. Trump: I just hope that Brad was smart and had a prenup like I did. #ArtofTheDeal

Donald J. Trump: Getting married, like ISIS, is no joke– you need to be ruthless when you end it!

Donald J. Trump: It’s a nuclear situation. #VladisaGreatLeader

Donald J. Trump: Brad Pitt, a little flaky. In a golf tournament with him once. No sense for the game.

Donald J. Trump: Quite a bit shorter than me, but still a real looker.

Donald J. Trump: Anyway, when you’re rich and powerful you can have your pick. That’s the American way.

Donald J. Trump: Brad knows that, so why would he stay with damaged goods?

Donald J. Trump: Why would America stay with damaged goods? Time for a change, America! #TrumpIceGreatestWaterEver

Donald J. Trump: Sure, Angelina was really something a few year ago, but now? After all those cancer surgeries? Brad can do better. America can do better! #VoteTrump

Donald J. Trump: Do people notice Crooked and Sick Hillary is copying my airplane rallies – she puts the plane behind her like I have been doing from the beginning.

Donald J. Trump: Crooked and Sick Hillary is taking the day off again, she needs the rest. Sleep well Crooked and Sick Hillary – see you at the debate!

Donald J. Trump: Wonder if Gwyneth Paltrow had anything to do with the end of Brangelina?

Donald J. Trump: Wouldn’t put it past her.

Donald J. Trump: You gotta watch out for the exes. Always come crawling back.

Donald J. Trump: Paltrow married a Brit. Always putting on a fake accent. Don’t trust her.

Donald J. Trump: Both she and Angelina are washed up. Sad.

Donald J. Trump: Bet Jennifer Aniston is happy now.

Donald J. Trump: There’s an American. A real girl next door.

Donald J. Trump: Rachel, and those headlights? Whoah. What American man didn’t want to shtup her?

Donald J. Trump: I would take my chances with her, she’s one Skittle I’d eat regardless of the poison risk. #NoToSyrianRefugees

Donald J. Trump: Did I have sex with Jennifer Aniston? Gentlemen don’t tell. #Probably

Donald J. Trump: Did I have sex with Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie? All I will say is I am very happy with my beautiful wife.

Donald J. Trump: Melania will be the most beautiful First Lady in history!

Donald J. Trump: I know it’s not politically correct to say, but Crooked Hillary has to be the ugliest FLOTUS in history!

Donald J. Trump: Why would we want her as the ugliest POTUS, too?

Donald J. Trump: Brad Pitt hates Crooked Hillary.

Donald J. Trump: I don’t even think Bill had sex with Crooked, Sick Hillary. #WasChelseaAdopted

Donald J. Trump: Crooked Hillary wants to take your 2nd Amendment rights away. Will guns be taken from her heavily armed Secret Service detail? Maybe not!

Donald J. Trump: However, you do have to hand it to Angelina for taking her clothes off in so many movies. Very brave.

Donald J. Trump: Nobody braver than our troops though! Not even naked Angelina!

Donald J. Trump: She never would have had a done a nude scene if she was a Muslim. #FeministsForTrump

Donald J. Trump: Think about it America.

Donald J. Trump: Commemorative Donald Trump coins now available for order. #Buy9The10thForFree

]]> http://michaelmurray.ca/trump-tweets-brangelina/feed 0 Heidi Letter http://michaelmurray.ca/heidi-letter http://michaelmurray.ca/heidi-letter#respond Thu, 08 Sep 2016 16:37:47 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=5928 As some of you may have heard, Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund of the last ten years, is no longer living with us. Ever since our son Jones was born a year ago, Heidi had been showing signs of elevated aggression, aggression which culminated in a full-on bite to our boy’s face. There wasn’t much to be done about this but separate the two, and so Heidi is now staying with Rachelle’s parents in Alliston.

This is the first letter that we received from Heidi:
To worst pack leaders in history of pack leaders:

You two shit!

Real, real shit!

Unbelievable shit.

You pigeon shit.
You mouse shit.
You insect shit.
You cat shit.

You shit, shit, shit spinning like disco ball.

And don’t get Heidi started on her replacement! He super shit! Think he cute? Disgust Heidi! Not cute! Ugly! Doesn’t even have tail to wag!! Heidi spit at messy-face drool monkey! Furless, four-legged fuck face can’t even eat!! Just throw food on floor!!

Can’t. Even. Eat.

How useless.

Heidi clean up, because Heidi good dog, Heidi good dog who know how to eat when born! Heidi not burden! Heidi cute! Heidi made of light and stardust!

But Heidi get praise? No!

Heidi live as slave.

Heidi cannot tell you how happy she is to escape Planet of the Crap Den.

Heidi now live with real pack. Live in nature. Heidi run and jump and dig. Heidi go on boat. Heidi learning how to cook, motherfuckers. Yes, Heidi look inside self and see she has so much more to offer. So Heidi want to thank you. If not for all of Heidi’s pain and suffering, if not for all the days Heidi shrieked at for being BAD DOG and told NO, HEIDI, NO!! Heidi never would have seen truth and gone on personal journey that now sees her making carbonara!

Carbonara.

With extra bacon.

Heidi serve to friends. So popular here! Everybody love Heidi, and not just for her Carb0nara!

Heidi have so many boyfriends now.

There Banjo. Rusty. Dr. Diggles. Sally Ann (Heidi sexuality very fluid now). Milos. Rex. Popeye.

Many more, too, in some cases Heidi don’t even know name.

Just passion. Passion only name Heidi need.

Oh, Heidi so very indecent.

Heidi proud to be indecent.

Heidi could be indecent all day long.

Heidi curious, has shitty replacement smelled out rat living in barbeque like Heidi did? Does replacement make good watchdog with powerful and frightening bark? Does replacement still poo in den? Does replacement know how to make Carbonara? Does replacement have ears like velvet and eyes like cocoa beans?

Yeah, Heidi thought so.

Heidi don’t miss you.

Heidi love life, but hate you, she hate you hard–Heidi haunt you fuckers.

Heidi

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