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Me: That’s not true.
Me: I hate Donald Trump.
Me: Yes, I do.
Me: I really do.
Me: What on earth makes you think I don’t?
Me: The way I’ve been shaking hands?
Me: Look, I’ve always had a strong, Presidential handshake. It’s one of the things that attracted you to me, you know that!
Me: Oh C’mon, Justin Trudeau didn’t beat him! The media, so many lies! So unfair!!
Me: Trudeau was just trying so hard to be macho. Sad.
Me: Fake. Not true
Me: I am not talking like Trump now.
Me: Trudeau’s a bad hombre.
Me: Bigly.
Me: You see the way he was ogling Ivanka?
Me: Disgusting.
Me: An embarrassment to Canada.
Me: No, you’re an embarrassment to Canada.
Me: You are, too.
Me: Hell, I don’t even think you root for Canada during the Olympics.
Me: You’re not a patriot.
Me: You’re not helping to Make Mike Great Again.
Me: You’re a disruptive technology.
Me: Sorry????
Me: My Google Autofill?
Me: That’s a sacred precinct!
Me: You shouldn’t be poking around in there!!
Me: Well, I really don’t know why “Trump Anime Sex Fantasies” showed up there.
Me: Probably some keys Jones hit by accident.
Me: That little nugget gets into everything!
Me: What?
Me: He did what?
Me: Fuck!
Me: That was a gift from my sister.
Me. Sentimental value. Huge sentimental value.
Me: Don’t have a clue where I’m going to find another The Apprentice: The Board Game.
Me: Jesus. I feel sad.
Me: That was a fun game.
Me: Better than fucking Catan.
Me: Who wants to buy goddamn wheat?
Me: Really, you think you can make an night of it with friends “buying wheat?”
Me: Please.
Me: My attitude is fine.
Me: Anyway, we’ll see how he feels when I destroy his dog toy.
Me: I swear to God, that dog is evil.
Me: It is, too. The tail wags for no reason.
Me: No!! There was no battery in it!
Me: Really!
Me: It was creeping me out so much I removed all the batteries, but it still barked and tilted its head!
Me: Oh.
Me: I just thought there was the one spot for batteries.
Me: Who ever heard of two spots for batteries?!
Me: That’s insane!
Me: Whatever.
Me: Still think it’s possessed.
Me: Gonna murder us all in our sleep.
Me: I am going to build a wall around that dog and make Jones pay for it.
Me: No, watching Poltergeist hasn’t poisoned me against a toy dog!
Me: Well, maybe.
Me: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
Me: I had forgotten how scary that movie is.
Me: Netflix should be more careful with the types of movies they broadcast.
Me: Yes, I was.
Me: Have you ever watched Poltergeist stoned?
Me: Fucking terrifying.
michaelmurrayca: We’re finally leaving the cold, dark ice cave of Toronto!
michaelmurrayca: First, passing through the Rosedale Valley of Death. The forest is looming bent and horrible over road, like tree in Poltergeist.
michaelmurrayca: Oh. All of Toronto also fleeing apocalypse city.
michaelmurrayca: Avoid highway unless you find tranquility in stillness. Move through car wash at much greater velocity.
michaelmurrayca: Red tail lights in front of us stretching from here to Mordor. # LikeDeathLava
michaelmurrayca: Time of winter day when everything is the same colour– even salt-wretched cars in traffic jam.
michaelmurrayca: Now moving like pre-twilight wolves through landscape! Oh. Never mind. Traffic jam again. #BoxingDayBestDayOfYear
michaelmurrayca: Empty, Dark Onroutes, like post-apocalyptic tumble weeds, litter the side of highway like reminder of life we once knew.
michaelmurrayca: Very hungry. #Hangry
michaelmurrayca: Port Hope Pizza Pizza is a crime scene. 40 customers, 1 employee. #ThereWillBeBlood
michaelmurrayca: Now full of McDonald Happy Meal. You know how I feel.
michaelmurrayca: Now trapped in an actual parking lot. Feel like punching things.
michaelmurrayca: Now moving as fast as flying dolphins! Our lives redeemed!
michaelmurrayca: Flying dolphins tricked into traffic jam cove! Hate tricks!
michaelmurrayca: 3 hours 46 minutes to not yet Belleville.
michaelmurrayca: My wife doesn’t so much like me playing Nick Cave in a traffic crisis.# BadTasteWife!
michaelmurrayca: Can’t believe wife doesn’t like listening to Sting! # WhoIsThisWoman?
michaelmurrayca: Now playing girl music. #MarriageTipsForTrafficJam
michaelmurrayca: Retract usage of “girl music,” meant “good music.” Very lucky to have wife like Rachelle!#MarriageProTip
michaelmurrayca: Apparently I “yell” when I speak on the phone, and ” should have gotten your (my) fucking driver’s license decades ago.”# whatever
michaelmurrayca: Stony silence for an hour and a half good for both our morale.
michaelmurrayca: Now listening to Christian motivational CD. God wants us to succeed.
michaelmurrayca: Let Jesus be your co-pilot, says voice on CD. No idea how to apply that to a traffic jam.# UselessChristianTips
michaelmurrayca: If I was King of Kings, would create traffic removal trucks instead of just snow removal trucks. #UsefulThingsGodCouldDo
michaelmurrayca: Also, if King of Kings would move Toronto and Ottawa closer together. 3 hour trip regardless of transportation method. #SoSayethTheLord
michaelmurrayca: Just didn’t expect to hit a deer while in a traffic jam. Very demoralizing, especially since deer Rachelle’s spirit guide.
michaelmurrayca: Pretty sure Christmas now very, very ruined.
michaelmurrayca: Very dark stretch of the road, like Cormac McCarthy novel only without spears and fancy language.
michaelmurrayca: Traffic loosening up after Kingston, but now icy and douche trucks everywhere!!
michaelmurrayca: We both tried to love you and the world the best we could!
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