Your Highness:
You ever have one of those days?
I was very nervous about meeting you, because I’ve never met anybody who was a direct descendent of God. That must be so cool. I come from a long line of sheep thieves who have always fled debt, not Gods. At any rate, I really wanted you (A GOD!!!) to like me, and in spite of taking an Ativan and drinking two glasses of wine before going to bed, I had trouble sleeping. When this happens I often listen to a calming CD of rainstorms, 
which is what I did, and to make a long story short I ended up sleeping through my alarm and missing my opportunity to meet you. I had my blue suit laid-out on my bed and everything.
I had studied you in a completely non-invasive and totally not creepy way, and was going to make some pretty dazzling conversation, I think. I honestly do believe that we would have become best friends, likely participating in the same fantasy sport’s pools, attending Illuminati meetings together, texting one another about Game of Thrones and partying on boats with supermodels.
The One percent rules!
Do people make a lot of Hamlet jokes to you?
I bet that they do.
People are stupid.
Ninety-nine percent of people, in fact.
The rich are not stupid–especially not the rich who are descended from Gods.
I see from Wikipedia that you married a commoner, run marathons, are an expert sailor, have been on expeditions to Mongolia and Greenland, have extensive military training and care about the environment. It’s pretty amazing how much we have in common, as I also care about the environment. I really can’t stand that every summer is getting more and more humid, and I have to say, if it weren’t for my AC, well, it would be pretty tough slogging.
Look, Your Highness, I really hope you can find it in your gracious heart to forgive me for sleeping in this morning and that we can still become the friends that God wants us to become. By means of apology, I would like to invite you and your commoner wife over for Game’s Night on Thursday. We play a Star Trek version of the Settler’s of Catan and it’s an awful lot of fun– some people even dress in character for it!
Looking forward to seeing you soon,
Michael Murray
]]>Her legs had been amputated just above the knees and parts of her fingers were missing, too. The area where her fingers stumped were swollen, red and bleeding, and smears of blood were all over her sweatpants, jacket and the two bags of cat food she was looking to buy. He hair was a dangerous nest of possibility and her eyes were angry and lost. She was talking, in a fractured but not incoherent kind of way, but it wasn’t clear to whom, and as she was doing this she was cutting the line. The security guard, moving in an I-hate-my-job way, was coming over to stop her, while the cashier, with a look of horror on her face, recoiled.
I did not know what I should do. The suffering and need of this woman could not be more vivid. I wanted to be Jesus, I wanted to selflessly love and help her, but I did not.
I stood there paralyzed, thinking about the blood-streaked bags of cat food on her lap and how they were going to get from there to the cash. I did not want to be a part of that process and so I decided to buy the cat food for her. This cost $4. I did this out of self-interest rather than altruism. The cashier and everybody in line seemed relieved.
Then one of the bags fell from her lap to the floor– as if a bell tolling, a command to be more involved in her suffering than I was willing to be. Again, I just stood there, waiting for somebody else to become alive to this moment, and then I saw something in her hands that looked a lipstick container and it struck me that perhaps this was all a performance and she had smeared lipstick on herself in order to look like blood and garner sympathy! It was an act!
It was an astonishing cognitive leap, this. There are homeless, broken people all over Toronto, and in order to inure ourselves to this procession of misery, we have to believe there’s a level of performance to the suffering. We construct ridiculous narratives that keep us distant from those asking for our help. Maybe it was all just a ruse, but no, no. This woman needed to buy cat food– either to eat or to feed to the one point of light in her life–and there was blood all over it and it was lying on the floor two feet from where I stood.
For what felt like a minute but was probably closer to 20 seconds, nobody did a thing, and then a woman bent down and with a gloved hand picked up the bag of cat food and returned it to the woman’s lap, the security guard then rolled the panhandler out, and the rest of us continued with our day as if nothing had happened.
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Heidi recently had major back surgery.
It pretty big deal, but Heidi very strong pack leader and bounce back in no time, but still, make you think. Heidi no longer young dog. Heidi six.
Heidi think about her life and realize Heidi make a lot of bad decisions. No know why so many bad decisions but seem to happen all the time, and Heidi must now take ownership of this! Heidi have capacity to grow!!
Cheeseburger. When Heidi see cheeseburger she lose control and fight to steal cheeseburger. Not even thinking. Just cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger. When Heidi try to take cheeseburger this always make two-legged treat-givers mad and they yell, “ BAD DOG, HEIDI, BAD DOG, NO, NO, BAD DOG!!” But Heidi never listen and steal cheeseburger and eat it in quick, greed bites!! Taste so good!! But later Heidi always have belly ache, maybe stealing cheeseburger is bad decision? Heidi not sure. Have to look inside herself.
Jupiter. Jupiter stud Doberman Pinscher Heidi sometimes see. Jupiter very hot. To watch Jupiter play fetch is to lose yourself in beautiful clouds of meat! And Jupiter just smell, you know, like Alpha Dog! So dreamy! Heidi do things with Jupiter Heidi not proud of, things that make Heidi feel shame, and Jupiter always treat Heidi like just another slut dog! Jupiter no respect Heidi, just using her! Heidi think sex with Jupiter might be bad decision. Next time, just say no to Jupiter, see how he treat Heidi after that!
Holes. Heidi not sure why always putting head in holes. Heidi never know what in hole. Sometimes horrible thing in hole! Bad decision to just put head in hole. Heidi need to work on impulse control. Heidi will take ownership. Begin to change life.
Heidi also think it bad decision to bark and chase Sparkles. Sparkles Siamese cat that live down street and is pure evil!! Heidi on slave leash with two-legged four-eyed treat giver and when Heidi bark, Sparkles just attack like fur lightning! Nothing Heidi can do! Heidi handicapped and can’t run or bite, and Sparkles always think he so strong and tough and smart but not strong and tough and smart! Just ugly, stupid cat-face! Heidi so hate Sparkles! Heidi like to rip Sparkles into million pieces!!! Heidi would play fetch with Sparkles head. Heidi fucking kill Sparkles a thousand blood times over and over again!! Heidi very upset. Must go to calm place.
