The other day my wife Rachelle Maynard posted this on a Buy, Sell and Trade Facebook group she belongs to:
LIKE NEW BLUNDSTONES 7.5 Mens or 9.5 Womens
$150
Don’t spend $250 on a new pair of Blundstones your husband will never wear because they’re just a little bit hard to slip on. No. Don’t be angry he’s only worn them 3 times and doesn’t truly appreciate the kindness of your gift. So just buy these instead. They are in near perfect shape. They come with a box and everything. Pick up near Bloor and Spadina.
Comments:
Sahara: Forgive me, but your husband sounds like a bit of an asshole.
Anne: Nice colours!
Emily: I agree with Sahara, your husband sounds like a real piece of work. He better look like Daniel Craig is all I can say! LOL!!
Sahara: I once heard about a husband who took his wife to a Lord of the Rings movie marathon on their wedding anniversary! He thought if she saw them all at once, in order, then she would love them like he did. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?
Dina: I would cut a bastard if he did that to me on our anniversary.
Betty: My husband is also an asshole. #MeToo
Stephanie: Sounds like he has pretty small feet! LOL!!
Emily: Men are trash.
Jen: You know, I have absolutely no doubt of my innate superiority to my husband, and pretty much all men, in fact, yet I still end up feeling oppressed. How the hell does that end up happening?
Nicki: Smash the Patriarchy!
Robynne: Would it be possible to come by on Tuesday around 4:00 to have a look?
Elena: My husband is also a jerk. #MeToo
Misha: I started to notice that whenever I walked into the room my husband would slam his laptop shut. He said it was fantasy hockey. Turns out he meant porn. Dirty, disgusting porn #MeToo
Treena: I would dump his small-footed ass. You can do better Rachelle. You deserve better. We all do.
Lisa: I swear to God, my husband can’t even figure out how to work the remote. Why are they all so fucking incompetent??? Why do we have to do EVERYTHING??? #MeToo
Beth: The fucker doesn’t deserve boots.
Maria: Make him walk barefoot in the snow. #MeToo
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Rachelle: Well, how do you know that?
Rachelle: No.
Rachelle: Really?
Rachelle: She pretended to retch?
Rachelle: Because you told her you liked her sneakers?
Rachelle: That is pretty extreme.
Rachelle: Was this one of the sorority girls who lives down the street?
Rachelle: The one who looks like Jennifer Lawrence?
Rachelle: I thought so.
Rachelle: And did you tell her this in a way that sounded like what you really meant was that you wanted to see her naked?
Rachelle: I see.
Rachelle: Yes, of course.
Rachelle: Look, I know you’re just trying to generate some light in this crazy, angry world, Pickle, I get that!
Rachelle: And sure, somebody has to help scantily clad sorority girls who are 30 years younger than you, feel like they’re making the right fashion choices.
Rachelle: Imagine if every time one of them passed by a much, much, much older man and he didn’t say something about what they were wearing? What would happen then? Their self-esteem might just crater and then who knows what might happen?! It could be catastrophic!
Rachelle: I’m not being sarcastic.
Rachelle: No, I’m not.
Rachelle: Nope.
Rachelle: Jesus Pickle, OF COURSE I’m being sarcastic.
Rachelle: It’s amazing to me how slow you are to pick-up on sarcasm!
Rachelle: Like at the park when that woman was complimenting how high you could go on the swings?
Rachelle: That was sarcasm.
Rachelle: And at the drum circle, when that man said that you “displayed a beautiful mastery over movement?”
Rachelle: That was sarcasm, too.
Rachelle: Oh honey, I’m sorry.
Rachelle: I am.
Rachelle: You’re right, sarcasm truly is the lowest form of humour.
Rachelle: Look, it’s taking me longer than I thought here, do you mind picking Jones up from daycare?
Rachelle: Oh, I didn’t realize your group was meeting tonight.
Rachelle: I think it’s sweet that you guys get together and play Dungeons and Drama every month! Do you think you could let Jones join in? He’d love to dress up as Spiderman for it!
Rachelle: Dungeons and Dragons?
Rachelle: Oh, I always thought it was Dungeons and Drama.
Rachelle: I don’t know, I guess because of all the screaming and Lord of the Rings languages. Just seemed really dramatic.
Rachelle: Like an even nerdier version of Improv dramatic.
Rachelle: Whatever.
Rachelle: Okay, I get it.
Rachelle: It’s not a children’s game.
Rachelle: Very sophisticated. Very strategic. Good leadership training.
Rachelle: I’m surprised corporations like Google and Starbucks don’t use it as a training tool for their employees.
Rachelle: It really is a journey of discovery, isn’t it, Pickle?
Rachelle: Yes.
Rachelle: That was about 98% sarcastic.
Rachelle: Okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll pick Jones up, and you, my little Dragonborn Sorcerer, you have a great time playing Dungeons and Diggers! xox
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