One of the components of this event was that I was signing copies of my bestselling book A Van Full of Girls. In case the book has somehow escaped your attention, here are a few press clippings:
“ I thought it was fine, but it could stand for less swearing. Swearing doesn’t prove what a big man you are.”
—Barb Murray, Canadian mother

“Although I could not invest in Michael’s book project, I was struck by how courageous he was to put his thoughts down like that and then, in spite of the risk of public embarrassment and the terribly long odds of any sort of success, seek publication. So brave. We need more people with Michael’s spirit in Canada.”
—Arlene Dickinson, star of the CBC hit TV show Dragon’s Den

“ It’s just lie after lie after lie.”
—Doug Ford, Canadian businessman and politician

I have to say, and I’m giving you the straight-up truth here, the book really is a fucking game-changer.

You should buy it.

At any rate, while we were selling off our things, Margaret Atwood, who lives in the same area, happened upon us. I conducted a somewhat adversarial interview with her a few months ago for a magazine called The Knuckler, ( http://michaelmurray.ca/atwood-interview ) and as this took place  via phone I was unsure if she knew who I was, but when she saw me at my little A Van Full of Girls kiosk, she approached.

Margaret Atwood: I’ve been surveying all your trinkets here, such a contrast amidst the grandeur of the neighbourhood. So sweet, so hopeful.

Me: Thanks.

Margaret Atwood: It’s like an archeological dig. Sifting through the debris you can see the arc of a life, the enthusiasm and ambition that inevitably crumbles into failure, and then finally the recognition of that failure and the selling off of all that had symbolized your hope.

Me: I’ll let you have the Six Million Dollar Man thermos for a buck.

Margaret Atwood: I don’t think so.

Me: Your loss.

Margaret Atwood: You seem to have an awful lot of unfinished self-help books for sale. Why is that?

Me: I don’t know, why is the Handmaiden’s Tale so much more popular as a TV show not written by you, than as a book written by you?

Margaret Atwood: Handmaid’s Tale, it’s Handmaid’s Tale.

Me: Oh. Sorry.

Margaret Atwood: This book, A Van Full of Girls? Are you the author?

Me: Yes. You should buy a copy. Support the arts.

Margaret Atwood: So tell me, how does self-publishing work these days?

Me: My book wasn’t self-published.

Margaret Atwood: Really!? How extraordinary. Typically you don’t seen an established author out on a front lawn selling his book from a knapsack. And look, you have so many copies! You must have at least 40!

Me: You know what? I also have an awful lot of Margaret Atwood books for sale over there, but people just don’t seem interested. One woman picked up a copy of Lady Oracle, showed it to her friend and said, “Barf.”

Margaret Atwood: (Gives withering look)

Me: (Imitates withering look)

Margaret Atwood left shortly after this exchange, but not before telling me that I should keep all the self-help books I was trying to sell, and buying, for reasons we can only imagine, a used The Very Best of Chris de Burgh LP.

Fun fact: The name Barbados is derived from the Bearded Fig trees once found in abundance on the island.

Fun fact: There are only three known ghosts on the entire island.

Fun fact: Barbados is the birthplace of Rihanna who lived here until the age of 16.

Fun fact: If a beach hustler with a gold tooth asks you if you want to buy a coconut or a seashell, he might mean cocaine or weed.

Fun fact: Bicyclists in Barbados do not wear helmets and shoes appear optional.

Fun fact: You will only see white women, as if in a movie they once saw, jogging on the beach.

Fun fact: Tiger Woods chose to have his wedding in Barbados in 2004.

Fun fact: Chickens roam as freely on the streets of Barbados as squirrels do in Toronto!

Fun fact: It is embarrassing to have your wife pull you to shore from an undertow when you were pretty sure you didn’t need any help at all, especially when cool looking locals playing dominoes were watching.

Fun fact: The people of Barbados have a long ingrained history of Christian principles.

Fun fact: Homosexuality is illegal in Barbados!

Fun fact: Some women in Barbados dress like superheroes– like those who wear capes and control the weather– for church on Sunday.

Fun fact: The middle-aged British women who sun on the beach all prefer reading crime mysteries to any other genre.

Fun fact: Sand crabs are faster and more perceptive than you’d think.

Fun fact: Finding an artificial flower petal washed-up on a gorgeous, dream beach is entirely dislocating.

Fun fact: The Six Million Dollar man is not a cultural reference widely understood by most Bajans.

Fun fact: Women who look like they might have worked at Coyote Ugly back in the day really enjoy the attention of beach hustlers.

Fun fact: Squid are also known as Seacat in Barbados.

Fun fact: Sometimes it is easy to mistake a night diver’s flashlight exploring the water just beneath the surface for sub-aquatic UFO activity.

Fun fact: In Barbados, one drives on the left side of the road, which is easy to forget, especially if you only have your Learner’s Permit.

Fun fact: Sometimes a monkey, as fast as a demon, will dart in front of your car.

Fun fact: Monkeys are not supernatural and can be killed upon impact with your car.

Fun fact: Monkey deaths are very upsetting.

Fun fact: The monkey face is very human and expressive and it is heartbreaking to see a dying one reach out to you with its little monkey hand on the side of a tropical road.

Fun fact: My wife can’t stop crying and I am pretty sure she now hates me.