And today, some 40 years later, Jones and I are walking on the sidewalk between snowbanks on our way to daycare. But Jones is an adventurer, he needs more life than that, so I help him up to the mountains. We’re holding hands as he balances on the changing topography, and he could not be happier. “I’m taller than you, daddy!”, he shouts. The sun is behind us, our long shadows cast before us like a path. Jones the long one, mine the short. He looks at me, smiling, “Daddy, are you happy?” A question of such unexpected beauty. My radiant beast, so vividly alive, caring whether his father is happy or not. I tell him that I am very happy, that I could not be happier, in fact, and Jones says, “I’m happy, too!” And so we continue, both stronger now. The sunlight bouncing off the thin membranes of ice covering the branches in the trees above us. Everything imperishable.
There was only one person in front of me in my checkout line, and behind her a small pile of groceries on the conveyor belt that I presumed belonged to somebody who had just gone off for a moment to grab a forgotten item. Just as the person in front of me was finishing, a woman came speeding into the line from around the corner. “Excuse me, “ she said, “those are my items there and I just had to run off and grab a few things, can I go ahead?” This is what I expected, and I told her it was okay. She pulled out her phone, made a call and started to unload a shopping cart that tuned out to be completely full. Talking about Vail on her cell, she leaned toward me and said, “ Actually, I have a little more than a few items,” and then she continued on about partying with Goldie and Kate at some resort.
Me: “ Well, you can’t do that.”
Mean Woman in Expensive and Stupid Hat: “You said I could.”
Me: “No, that was for a few items, not an entire cart. You can’t just use a banana and a few pumpkin seeds as a placeholder and then fill up an entire cart. That’s an awful thing to do. It’s immoral.“
Mean Woman in Expensive and Stupid Hat: “Jillian, I’ll have to call you back, there’s a dick here I have to deal with. (And then she hung up her phone and turned sternly toward me) It’s just a few items, lighten up, okay? Jesus, you must be a real pleasure to live with.”
Me: “Damn it, I am a pleasure to live with! I’m whimsical and my wife and I laugh a lot, I’m just not going to tolerate your entitled behaviour, okay?”
Mean Woman in Expensive and Stupid Hat: “Really, you laugh a lot? Sure, I bet you laugh while your wife just rolls her sad eyes, questioning all the crappy decisions that led her to this sorry place in life, as you continue to babble on about your day bullying women at the grocery store. “
Sutapa, the cashier: (Laughs)
Me: “Sutapa? Really? I thought for sure you’d be on my side!”
Sutapa: “I was just laughing at something that happened earlier in the day.”
Me: “You’re lying to me Sutapa, I can tell. “
Woman at the back of the line: “This drama is just making everything take longer, it’s exhausting, and now there’s bad karma all over the place. Will you two please just get it over with!”
Mean Woman in Expensive and Stupid Hat: “Bully.”
Me: First of all, I’m not a bully, expensive hat here is a bully, and doesn’t anybody care about justice? Is this the way you’d want your children to act? We can’t let her win!”
Woman at the back of the line: “Fuck, stop it! Just figure it out!”
Me: (To the woman at the back of the line) That, was a pretty big karma bomb you just dropped. (And then to the mean woman in the expensive and stupid hat) You want to see how much fun I am? How about we decide by Rock, Paper, Scissors?
Surprisingly, the mean woman in the stupid and expensive hat agreed to this. I won, utilizing the paper strategy, and I have to say, it was the smallest, saddest, most lonely victory of my life.
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Canada is a beautiful country full of picturesque natural settings, which include the sea, magnificent mountains, charming lakes, wheat fields and gorgeous tar sands. Along with the loveliness of nature, Canada also boasts many modern cities with bustling cultures all their own:
1. Toronto, Ontario
One of the most eclectic cities in all of Canada, Toronto has people of all colours. The city is home to many beautiful valleys and a lively waterfront with a view of the quaint archipelagos dotting the lake. However, there are often outbreaks of infectious diseases in Toronto, so many inhabitants wear surgical masks.
2. Halifax, Nova Scotia
Nova Scotia is considered to be one of the most beautiful places in all of Canada. Halifax is not only known for its truly impressive number of bars, pubs, and drinking, but also for it’s perfect gardens and beaches. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was shot in Halifax up until host Regis Philbin was killed in the Great Flood of 2002 and shooting was moved to the US. Anne of Green Gables also died in Halifax.
3. Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
This beautiful area, full of leafy trees amid an otherwise treeless prairie landscape, appears on much of Canada’s currency. People of all colours and religions are now welcome.
4. Athabasca Tar Sands, Alberta
A stunning natural landscape and testimony to modern Canadian industry, the Athabasca Tar Sands are a must see for any visitor. Not only does the area teem with wildlife, but the city buildings are of such a scale that they generate their own, unique weather systems. Truly, one of the modern wonders of the world!
5. Victoria, BC
The retirement capital of Canada has a mild climate and is a must-see destination for any tourist who enjoys gardens and parks. Kim Kardashian and Kane met while visiting Victoria. In Retirement City, love is always in the air!
6. Montreal, Quebec
Famous for it’s topless beaches and smoked meat, Montreal is home to many festivals, shops, gardens, parks and a subway known as Le Grand Rocket. It’s a taste of Europe on North American shores!
7. Kelowna, BC
For those looking for a Canadian version of California, Kelowna is the spot. Known for its beaches, parks, gardens and Roller Skating, the city also has ski slopes not far away as well as helicopter trips for hunting Sasquatch from the air. Essentially, everything that one would want to do is within a stone’s throw making it perfect for any tourist.
- Ottawa, Ontario
Ottawa, the capital of Canada, is known as MONUMENT CITY, as it houses numerous national monuments. The beautiful cobblestoned streets–often full of civil servants waiting for municipal transportation– are perfect for strolling!
