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R: My Wellness Coach is named Jamie and I think she’s still in high school.

R: It feels like I have to meet her for my session during her spare.

R: Hot?

R: Really? Did you really just ask me that?

R: Oh, it was autocorrect. I see.

R: You wanted to know if she was wearing a hat?

R: If what you say is true, then what you meant to write was, “Is she hat?”

R: It doesn’t make any sense.

R: It just doesn’t seem a likely thing for you to have written.

R: Of course, of course, I’m over-sensitive and always misunderstanding you.

R: Look, you can’t bring Fassbender into this, that’s not fair.

R: Whatever.

R: Look, let’s just get past this, okay?

R: Yes, I love you, too.

R: It’s hard to believe, but I swear this girl weighs about 80 pounds.

R: She practically qualifies as carry-on luggage.

R: She reminds me of Marcel the Shell.

R: I wonder if her parent’s know she’s doing this?

R: She’d make a lot more money than baby-sitting, that’s for sure.

R: Well, I’m on a Paleo diet now.

R: And I have a workout schedule.

R: I know.

R: You were a natural athlete with a very fast metabolism.

R: Not so much anymore.

R: It’s true, my love.

R: You have these, I don’t know, kind of lump handles around your waist now.

R: Mostly on the left side, which is weird.

R: Yeah, maybe you should mention it to the doctor.

R: I don’t think so, dear.

R: I just don’t think you have what it takes to be a doctor.

R: Well, for one thing you could never keep your coat white.

R: It would be covered in stains, like a tornado hit your lunch and sprayed it all over you.

R: It is true.

R: And then there’s the academics.

R: You’re good at other things, yes.

R: I don’t know how much Jesus weighed.

R: My guess would be 185, that sounds like a godly weight to me.

R: I bet Jesus would make for an fantastic Wellness Coach.

R: He’d be an awesome motivator.

R: You’ve always wanted to be on Survivor Island with Jesus, you say?

R: Just you and him in the final.

R: And then you would demand he sacrifice himself for the good of the island?

R: I’m not sure I understand your strategy.

R: All right then, it is the will of the Lord. Fine.

R: You’re right, that is a good argument ender.

R: Remember to take the dog out and get something for dinner, okay?

R: Right, I mean hunt. You and the hound go out and hunt for dinner, please.

R: Like Paleoiths.

R: I’ll be home around 7:00.

R: xoxo