@KuKluxKlanUSA: Finally have the night to myself to work on my novel. The window’s open, I’m drinking Jack and Coke and the KKKat is purring on my lap. #LifeIsGoodButForTheBlacksRuiningAmerica
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Kolby, a sensitive, young White Supremacist and gifted tattoo artist is the main character.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Lost vision in his left eye due to a hunting accident and wears an eye patch. Some say this is when he got “the gift.”
@KuKluxKlanUSA: He goes into a trance whenever he’s inking, and the tattoo he creates foretells the future of the person who gets it. It dooms them to their fate!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Working title: White Tattoo Prophet.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Minorities are ruining America!!!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Taco Tuesday’s at Pigglys!! $2 each!!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Ate 19 of ‘em. No one else even close. #WhitePride!!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Stained my hood a bit, but it was worth it.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Hood is very hot, especially when engaged in competitive eating.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Will take it up at next meeting, as I know I’m not alone in this observation.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Aryan Brotherhood will do anything to KKKeep America pure!!!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Not afraid to stain our hoods for the cause! #AmeriKKAForever!!!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA Are you sure tacos are Mexican????
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA Thought for sure they were American.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA Really? Kind of like Mexican pizza pockets, I guess.
@KukluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA Well, shoot.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Illegal, lazy, dope dealing Mexicans trying to take over America with their sneaky and delicious food. FIGHT BACK AMERIKKKA!!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Salma Hayek would make a good sex slave. #SubjugateTheirWomen!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA My cousin was a sex slave for two years. Said it wasn’t so bad.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA: Said the food was pretty good and she had cable.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA: No, I’m still single.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA: Tried a few dating sites but nothing worked. Considering Tinder.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA: “Looking for sweet girl who’s also not afraid to die for the cause!!” This is my profile pic.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: @KlansvilleVA: Yeah, thanks bud, I’m sure it’ll work out, too!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: The White Brotherhood will never die!!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: I really do hate the black race, but I have to say, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson is one impressive man.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Kind of wish he was white and had an incoherent rage against all minorities. That would be cool.
@KuKluxKlanUSA: I mean, if he just applied his intellect to hate and violence instead of astrophysics, he could really make something of himself, you know?
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Also wish Will Smith was white! What an actor!!
@KuKluxKlanUSA: And Denzel. Denzel rules. (That stare. OMG!)
@KuKluxKlanUSA: Babe (White!) of the week:
@KuKluxKlanUSA: KKKristmas is coming up soon! Don’t forget to pick up your Ladies of the KKK Kalendar! All proceeds go to hate.
She had a shitty day and was tired, and right before her she saw a man who had his knapsack on the seat directly beside him. Politely, the woman asked if he might move the bag so that she could sit down. The man called her an airhead and told her to get the fuck away from him, before eventually stomping on her foot and pushing her away. Much of this was caught on camera and posted online. It became a huge story, with the now widely despised man in question being dubbed the TTC Leprechaun. All sorts of vigilante investigations have been launched, one of which turned up the Leprechaun’s Diary:
Monday, September 22, 2014
Put on bright red shirt and piano key tie, accessorized by a black beret. Didn’t feel right. Changed piano key tie for a bolo tie and knew I was rocking it. Took a new picture for my Tinder account. Still nothing. Got on bus. Nobody challenged me so I spit on my hand and then rubbed it on that stripper pole thing that everybody with poor balance holds onto.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Today it was a sleeveless t-shirt and a do-rag. I don’t care if it’s only 9 degrees out, a man sometimes has to show his dominance and make a display. Waxed my beard and loaded up my iPod with the underrated Tom Cochrane. 
He’s just as fucking good as Tom Petty, I don’t care what the loser critics say. Got on bus. Rubbed up against a teenager. She didn’t know what to do. Made my point.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Put some poison out on the fire escape for Ms. K, the neighbour’s shit-festival of a cat and then checked my Tinder account. Nothing. Checked Grinder. Nothing. Watched a few beheading videos. Took some selfies and then bought some really cool dude jewelry on Etsy. Wore my sleeveless t-shirt again today and also put on some Axe body spray and a bowler hat. Made a sandwich. Got on bus. Coughed in the face of a woman and then said, “sorry,” with really heavy sarcasm. It was pretty funny. Later, I called the cashier at Tim Horton’s a Fuck Bucket when she screwed up my order.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Refilled fire escape poison. New frames arrived in the mail. Very excited. Put on lucky, bright green shirt and bowler hat. Got on bus. Confused an old woman looking for directions, making her get off at the wrong stop, and then flirt-shoved a woman that wanted to sit beside me. We had good, playful banter and I think we had some real chemistry as I saw her sneaking a photo of me.
Day 1
Firstly, I just want to thank Mikhail Prokhorov for flying me over to beautiful Sochi to report on the Olympic games for a publication as respected as The Beating! Mikhail is a class act and a great example of what the free market can accomplish and why traditional family values must be upheld!
I want to say how much I love Russia and their culture. I really get it. It’s just a great party, 24/7, and the sensible restrictions they impose on the media are something that Canada, Toronto in particular, desperately needs. There is a lot we can learn from Russia, and not just about drinking! (LOL)
I’m a straight shooter, so I have to tell you that the Opening Ceremonies are not really my thing. Personally, I find them a little airy-fairy, more for the wife than for me, so I have to admit I didn’t watch them, choosing instead to take in some MMA with staff and new friends. I tell you, you Russians are warriors! You wouldn’t know it from how you fight in hockey, but in the Octagon? Ass kickers!
Day 2
No blog post.
Day 3
That guy, Johnny Quinn? Fucking awesome! He is the hand’s down star of the Olympics. Not only does he have a movie star/astronaut/ fireman name but he played in BOTH the NFL and the CFL, AND just broke down his own bathroom door when it wouldn’t unlock!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself in the same friggin’ position and responded with exactly the same kind of rage, confusion and entitlement that Quinn showed. This guy is not just the Olympic spirit stuffed in an athlete’s body, but is a shining example of how capitalism bashed through the walls of communism to bring freedom to the great people of Russia!
Day 4
Simply cannot believe how gross Bob Costas’s eyes have become. They make me want to puke.
Day 5
I haven’t seen any beggars here in Sochi. In Toronto they cover downtown like a disease, always asking for handouts. I’ve only given money to a beggar once, a lady one who was wearing a Denver Bronco’s hat, my favourite team. I will always give money to a Broncos fan, but never to anybody else, because of the free market.
There should be football in the Winter Olympics. You know, a big, huge snow bowl. A women’s game, too, because I am entirely for equality of the opposite sexes.
Day 6
No blog post
Day 7
I got to say, the athletes here are freaking beautiful. Super sexy. Justine Dufour-Lapointe? Holy fucking shit. I’ve gotten my staff to get me that Tinder dating App– which is what all the athletes are using to hook-up ( http://sochiontinder.tumblr.com/ )– and am hoping maybe to get the opportunity to party with her and the Jamaican bobsled team, who I bet get tons of tail. Anyway, I’d also like to meet some of the Dutch girl speed skaters. Those outfits, the superhero ones that cover them like skin, are dead sexy.
P.S: So far, I’ve only seen four dead dogs, so I don’t know why the LIBERAL media was making such a big deal about that.
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