Game of Thrones

Littlefinger never trusted Rob Ford, but then again, he never trusted anybody.

“Tell me, where have you hidden it?” He hissed at the stout, bastard Stark warrior.

“I’m not answering your dumb face questions.”

“Always the wily fellow, you are quite the adversary, Mister Ford, quite the adversary.”

Littlefinger, his hands pressed together in contemplation turned his back to the great man. “Perhaps these ladies will help to stir your memory?” He clapped his hands together and two of the most stunning women Rob Ford had even seen in his life walked so softly, so beautifully into the room as to be practically levitating. “Jesus,” Ford stammered, “are they models or cheerleaders or something?” Littlefinger snorted, “They are from the land of Seks Guzellik, home to the most breath-taking women the world has ever seen, trained in the arts of love from, oh, a very tender age. They are yours, Rob Ford, yours, all you have to do is tell me where it’s hidden.”

A look of uncertainty came across Ford’s porcine features, “Frig,” he said, “frig.”

Homeland

It was completely quiet. That was the first thing Carrie noticed, the complete noiselessness that enveloped her, enveloped them. It was awkward. She felt that he was maybe giving her the silent treatment, which was odd, because Rob Ford had invited her into his Escalade. It was also eerie—a sense of foreboding seemed to loom.

She was always thinking of him. She thought of him when she woke in the morning, when she took her pills after she showered, as she picked out her clothes, as she passed through the security gates at Langley, as she came home in the evening, as she lay in bed trying to sleep. RobRobRob. She could not remember the last time she wasn’t thinking about him, and in that way she believed that she knew him intimately. They had been driving for ten minutes—although it seemed more to Carrie—before he said something, “You need to meet my brother, Doug.”

Crepúsculo (Twilight)

Etobicoke es un lugar hermoso, aunque algunos lo ven como una ciudad sangrienta. Soy Rob Ford y yo 26 y tener un corazón del tamaño de una pelota de fútbol. Tengo ojos rojos y mi sed no es agua en absoluto, sino más bien precisa sangre. Yo soy un vampiro, una manera diferente, alrededor de uno. Tengo una dieta muy baja en la sangre comparada con otros vampiros, mientras que matan cinco humanos para satisfacer su sed diaria, estoy satisfecho con la sangre de un humano y puedo vivir con eso durante dos días. Vampiro Rob Ford, tengo un montón de autocontrol y soy muy selectiva con mi presa. Yo puedo ser un vampiro, pero tengo sentimientos.

The Flintstones

Roughly, Rob Ford took Wilma by her red bun. Wilma shrieked, but nobody came to her aid. Fred and Barney were bowling. Rob Ford laughed, high-pitched and nasally, and put his hand on her breast, palming it like a football. He thrust his tongue, that golden tongue that through great oratory had so often dazzled Bedrock, into her ear. “No, Rob Ford,” Wilma whispered, and then even quieter, “no.”

But truth is festival not about two-leggers but about movies.

This is list of movies Heidi going to see.

1. The Master.

Sound scary, like about bad two-legger who hate dog and maybe make dog slave, but actually about Scientology and star that guy who everybody say good actor. He kinda fat. Forget name. Complicated name. Heidi into Scientology for a bit when she found out that Christ God say dogs have no soul and no get into heaven! Heidi left church after that! But Scientology weird and expensive, so Heidi ran away after achieving OT II.

2. Rust and Bone.

Heidi LOVE movie about bone!! Hope it about meat bone not chicken bone.

3. Love, Marilyn.

Documentary on famous two-legged sex bomb Marilyn Monroe. Heidi always relate to Marilyn! When she said, “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best,” she could have been talking about Heidi. Poor Marilyn, she was like candle in wind!

4. Hyde Park on Hudson.

Bill Murray favourite of Heidi. He would make good pack leader.

5. Amour.

Heidi no know what this about but given free pass in park when playing fetch. Seat filler, I guess

6. Looper

Star Bruce Willis!!! Two-legger travel in time and shoot himself! Movie made of awesome! Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker! Also star Joseph-Gordon Levitt. Heidi like to lick him, Heidi lick him long time!

7. Silver Linings Playbook.

Heidi dreamer. Believe every cloud have silver lining, so Heidi want to see movie about silver lining. Heidi favourite silver lining leftovers.

8. Bad 25.

About Michael Jackson! He King of Pop and friend to animals! Good father to Bubbles and when he Moon Walk, Heidi think anything possible! Poor Michael, he die far too young. Hope doctor who kill him with horse medicine go to jail forever! He very, very bad dog!

9. On the Road.

Star that bitch Kristen Stewart from Twilight. Can’t believe she cheated on Robert Pattinson! Even though Heidi always on Team Jacob big time, still think Kirsten Stewart bad bitch! Where her pack loyalty? Heidi go to movie just to bark!

10. Argo.

Heidi know dog named Argo.

Only reason Heidi want to see movie.

Also have free pass.

To compound matters the girl who was instructing me on how to ride had a speech impediment. It might have been that she was deaf, or that she had so many dental apparatuses in her mouth that verbal communication was next to impossible, but the result was that I couldn’t understand a thing she was saying. It was awkward, this, because I didn’t want to draw attention to something she was certainly self-conscious about, but I also didn’t want to give the Horse Explode command by mistake, so I politely asked her to slowly go through the instructions again– something that likely happened to her quite a bit. This made her angry and frustrated, and her instructions were now a reprimand shouted quickly from underwater.

I sat on Grace, who was banging my leg against a wooden fence.

I asked another ranch hand what the original girl had tried to tell me and she said, “Oh, Cathy is alright!” telling me nothing about how to ride a horse. It was my hope that the horse had plodded the little route my group was to take a billion times and that I would be safe, as I had just seen a dozen 10 year old girls return, all giggling and smelling of strawberries and sunshine.

I shrugged, received a dirty look from Cathy, who was probably 17, and fell in line at back of our horse train.

At the front of the line, as if to get back at me, Cathy flirted with a friend of mine who is good at everything and looks like he is good at everything.

“Ah your ah chawbay?” She asked him.

I wanted to be a cowboy.

I’ve always wanted to be a cowboy.

Grace was walking me into low hanging branches and pausing to eat grass.

Up ahead, where all my friends were, they were talking about good names for horses. Now this is something that is right up my alley. I live for moments like these.

Cathy, showing off by riding sidesaddle so that she could face everybody but me—who was way back and to the left–asked, “Wha bout Bella, is ha a gawd name?” I tried to shout out, “For a Twilight geek who wants to marry a vampire” but nobody heard me except Grace, to whom this apparently meant “Detonate.”

She tore off and I stated bouncing wildly around in the saddle, my left foot shooting out of the stirrup. I was completely out of control, like a British comedian, and then the horse slipped on a rock. I did not even know that horses slipped, and as Grace went down to her knees I leapt off her like I was fucking James Bond, and rolled across the trail like I was born to roll across trails, popping up like a ninja ready for combat.

Everybody, even Grace stopped and looked at me with amazement.

Cathy, stunned and with wide-eyes, stared, “Arh ya a cawhboy, too?  Cuz ya dan look lie a cahbay, mahbe a jhockey?”

*************************

Heidi have pen pal named Hobo.

Hobo a girl dog, so not what you think.

Hobo very cool dog. Hobo once petted by guy who play sexy werewolf Jacob on Twilght! Hobo also solve many crime with two-legged treat giver! Hobo have quite the resume.

Mostly Heidi and Hobo just exchange thoughts in emails. Kind of like journal workshop.

Sometimes Heidi and Hobo share feelings about smells. Heidi like smell of dead worm and other dead things and hate the smell of lamb! Hobo feel exact same way! Heidi hate stupid cat and Hobo hate stupid cat, too! Both like to kill cat! Trade stories of best way to send death to cat. Heidi want to kill cat by barking until little cat head explode, but Hobo want to kill cat by injecting with disease then when weak, rip throat out!!

Hobo very creative.

Heidi and Hobo like soul sisters.

Heidi share excerpt from letter Hobo wrote:

“Really like meat. Think meat all the time. Meat, meat, meat. You ever think of meat?”

Heidi think meat all the time!!

Like Hobo reading Heidi mind.

Heidi write this to Hobo:

“Hobo, do you like to hunt bugs? Heid fucking hate bugs!! Buzz, buzz, buzz! Heidi jump and snap and chase for hours! Heidi do whatever it takes! Heidi no bug zone.”

Hobo respond:

“Hobo hunt bugs, too. Kill all of them, even ladybugs. Ladybugs have attitude, think they better than Hobo, but not!! So Hobo eat them with her mouth!. Hobo very much want to kill squirrel and bat at same time. Fantasy Hobo have over and over again.  Do you think this makes Hobo weird?”

This real freak-out for Heidi because Heidi have same fantasy! Sometimes bird involved, too. Dream make Heidi leg twitch!

Uncanny how much Hobo and Heidi alike, but sometimes we disagree. Hobo think population have right to bear arms so to protect from cats and overthrow government if they seize control of meat or treat market. Heidi disagree and think more guns more danger for dogs! Dogs impulsive and emotional, they shoot first ask questions later! Exchange on matter become very heated, much barking. Hobo and Heidi not write for long time. Think on different spiritual paths, then hear that Hobo get sick! Hobo hit by two-legger steel fast machine! Put things in perspective. Heidi send Hobo postcard and hope can be friends again. Heidi want Hobo feel good so can kill cat with throat bite!

I present to you my work-in-progress, and would be interested in all constructive feedback.

Seattle Mist:

This beguiling scent suggests a woman who is as mysterious and beautiful as the Pacific Northwest itself, and who has reported multiple Bigfoot sightings.

San Diego Seduction:

The woman who wears San Diego Seduction is confident and not afraid to go out and get what she wants, even if it involves a car chase!

Tampa Breeze:

A fine blend of coconut oil and fish, this bewitching fragrance marries the immediacy of the trailer park with the elegance of a Jet Ski.

Philadelphia Passion:

Imagine the energy and street edge of 1970-era Blaxploitation films transformed into a bewitching scent! It should be on the list of every lady on your Christmas list!

Toronto Triumph:

This redolence suggests “curvy, not heavy,” and has delicate traces of barn owl and cinnamon.

Chicago Bliss:

This sassy aroma makes it clear to everybody around that the rips in your jeans are intentional!

Green Bay Chill:

With just a tinge of freezer to serve as an accent, this classic scents asks, “Who wants to eat some cheese?”

Orlando Fantasy:

Like a scene airbrushed onto a van, this scent is unmistakable and vivid, a steady and powerful reminder that fortune favours the bold!

Los Angeles Temptation:

This complex blend is best suited to the sophisticated tastes of a woman who can confidently navigate her way through a world of back tattoos and spray-on tans. It’s a scent that says, “I’m here, look at me!”

Vegas Sin:

All the romance of Bloody Caesars, navel piercings and curry by the pool are distilled into this one intoxicating fragrance. Leave your man begging for more, wear Vegas Sin!

Minnesota Valkyrie:

The Valkyrie woman is playful by nature, enjoying a child-like snowball fight with her man, but make no mistake, she knows how to use a crossbow if her nation calls for it!

Baltimore Charm:

A statement fragrance, the wearer of Baltimore Charm is letting the world know that she is a Twilight fan and that she prefers Edward over Jacob.