@TOPDOGMAYOR: Wow.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Fucking wow.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Don’t think that guy will be finishing the race. What a shame. : (
@TOPDOGMAYOR: It breaks your heart when an athlete is injured like that.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Toronto salutes Boston, city of Bravery, Brawn, Brains and Beans and Lettuce.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: We are all Boston Beans today.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Fucking hate terrorists.
@TOPDOGMAOR: White or brown terrorists? Send in your votes!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Should decide this once and for all on the football grid, like men!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Who is your favourite football player? Free parking spot to person who submits best answer.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Authorities saying bomb was made from Crock Pot full of nails and BBs.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Like my Crock Pots to be full of chili. LOL.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Can’t believe they canceled Bruins-Pens game. Must be very serious situation.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Toronto, you are safe, I am at the helm.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Probably won’t go to Florida this week, but if I do, contact: councillor_dford@toronto.ca in case of emerg.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: So many heroes. Like that guy in the cowboy hat.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Free lifetime parking spot in Toronto for guy in cowboy hat!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: He is a cowboy, on a steel horse he rides! Guns N’ Roses, man, Guns N’ Roses.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Suspects in bombing ID’d!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Wouldn’t want to be wearing white ball cap in Beantown today!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Hope Ben Afflect makes movie about this. Argo ruled!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Now donning Red Sox baseball cap in honour of victims. Suggest you do the same.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Send poison in the mail to this Mayor, expect a world of trouble.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Elvis impersonator terrorists, I am watching you.
@TOPDODMAYOR: Some cop killed in wild shootout at Harvard!!!
@ TOPDOGMAYOR: Evil doers carjack classy Mercedes and knock-off 7-11!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: It’s like a Tarrantino flick. Completely fucking awesome.
@TOPDOFMAYOR: Heart goes out to family of fallen hero.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Hope guy with cowboy hat gets involved and kicks ass!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Really like to see Uma Thurman character involved, too.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Not a movie, but feels like movie.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: HUGE FUCKING SHOOT-OUT IN BEAN TOWN!!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: One Borat guy now dead, looking for other!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: All of Boston shut down! Fucking love Boston!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Love to be mayor of Boston. Got big, brass balls!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Dead guy was athlete. Shame when athlete dies young, even if terrorist athlete.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: @Dougford Can’t delete last Tweet. WTF???
@TOPDOGMAYOR: MAYOR FORD DOES NOT CONDONE TERRORISM IN ANY FORM, EVEN BY ATHLETES.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Other Borat now hiding in boat. On land. What a moron!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Interesting. Boston seems to be doing fine without mass transit. Must be saving a shitload.
@TOPDOGMAYOR: No vowels in the Borat names. Weird. How do you say them??
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Little Borat captured!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Great day for Boston, great day for freedom!!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: Bet they riot in streets in celebration! Love to be there!! Go Boston!!!
@TOPDOGMAYOR: USA!!USA!!!USA!!!
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Uma Thurman
June 2, 2010
9:48 pm
Uma, it’s former president George W. Bush here. I hope you don’t mind, but I got your number from secret service. I’m very young for an ex-president and still very powerful, you know. I wanted to let you know that I’ve always been a big fan of your work, ever since that film with the French title. What was it called? It starred Michelle Pfeiffer and everybody was hoping she was going to take her clothes off, but instead, you peeled off your top, and Holy Smoke! I think you acted a boner out of an entire generation! But Hell, you’ve been great in every movie since, especially all those Kill Bill ones. I want you to know that even though Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, I’ve become very interested in Buddhism and was wondering if you’d like to get together for a drink to discuss it sometime.
Laura Bush
June 7, 2010
10:48 am
Laura, it’s me and I’m at a stupid-ass meeting in Chicago. The guy doing all the talking has a head that reminds me of a potato. I had the dream again last night.
Owl Research Institute
June 12, 2010
2:46 pm
Yeah, it’s George W. Bush here and I had a few questions for you folks about owls. I thought I saw one in my backyard yesterday. Is it true that they can turn their heads around in a complete circle? Will they eat dogs? Is it bad luck to shoot one, and if so, what prayer works best to cast one off your property?
Harold Atkins
June 12, 2010
2:52 pm
Harry, yeah, it’s W. Look, I wanted to discuss the possibility of making a trade in our fantasy baseball league. My pitching is fucked and I could really use a starter. I could maybe give you Cruz for Grienke. Cruz is hitting a ton, a guy with hair on his ass. He’s gonna knock 50 out this year.
Dr. Jeffrey Kuhlman
June 18, 2010
9:17 am
It’s George here and I’m nearly out of my stress pills. Call me.
Laura Bush
June 21, 2010
3:48 pm
It’s me. Jesus, most boring meeting ever. All I could think about during the blabberfest was that guy who’s obsessed with becoming a mermaid. Saw him on a talk show the other day and sweet Jesus, he just gives me the creeps.
Uma Thurman
June 22, 2010
12:27 am
Uma, thanks for making time for me earlier to chat about Buddhism. I did not know that there were Four Noble Truths. Something to chew on, that. I figure I’ve been looking for The Dhamma my entire life, probably why I bombed Iraq. Would love to see you again soon. Your hair looked really pretty.
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