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wheat-free – Welcome To The Magical Friendship Squad! http://michaelmurray.ca Michael Murray Writes Things Tue, 09 Jul 2013 20:37:17 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.3 My Gluten, Wheat And Dairy Free Journal http://michaelmurray.ca/my-gluten-wheat-and-dairy-free-journal http://michaelmurray.ca/my-gluten-wheat-and-dairy-free-journal#comments Fri, 14 Jun 2013 17:21:16 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=3491 As many of you know, I’m now on a gluten, wheat and dairy free diet. The naturopath that Rachelle and I visited suggested that I keep a journal describing my feelings regarding the “new path that you will be journeying upon.” He also said I should colour-code my mood for each day, adding, “Eventually, you want all your days to be sky blue.”

Here are some excerpts from my journal:

Day 4:

I feel angry.

I don’t believe that there was ever an Alpha male on this planet who stood up at a dinner party and said, “I’m sorry, but I have some dietary restrictions. Is there any wheat, dairy or gluten in any of the food you’re serving? Oh, okay. No worries, I have some carrots in a baggie over here. By the way, we march on Rome at dawn!”

Colour: The green/black of a tornado sky.

 

Day 7:

Last night I had a dream that actress Jennifer Lawrence and I were living together and I barked at her for brushing her hair too loudly. I woke up angry and ashamed, feelings that have stayed with me all day.

Jennifer-Lawrence-elle-81

I learned something new today while watching the Stanley Cup finals with some buddies, and that is that beer is a gluten-saturated beverage. I hardly ever drink beer but I was completely demoralized to find out I can’t drink it, or eat the fucking nachos and burgers that everybody else was devouring with ease and relish.

I felt left out and got drunk on gluten-free vodka.

I also got in my first fistfight since grade five.

I hope it wasn’t captured on video as it turns out I cannot take a good slap.

Colour: Colour coding my days is stupid.

 

Day 9:

My Instagrammed dinner:

indianfood

I am now eating colours instead of food.

Colour: Fuck you.

 

Day 14:

Fuck Montreal.

Fuck Montreal in the ear hole.

I just cancelled the trip we were planning on taking there for Rachelle’s birthday. I don’t want to go on a trip that’s defined by all the perfectly crafted, delicious foods I’m not allowed to eat. If I can’t have a croissant or smoked meat sandwich, then Rachelle doesn’t need a birthday. I have put my foot down.

Colour: A confident, furious black

 

Day 16:

It’s nice being back in Montreal and it was both thoughtless and selfish of me to try to cancel our trip because of my dietary restrictions. Just because I can’t have a smoked meat sandwich doesn’t mean that Rachelle shouldn’t enjoy one in front of me! And hey, she should go right ahead and flirt with that beautiful man in that saucy hat! montralguyHe’s leaning against an awfully nice looking car! I bet it’s worth more than a house! Happy birthday, Rachelle, don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here in my gluten-free corner!

Colour: I am interested in trying crack cocaine.

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