Celebrities, politicians and common folks jumped on the bandwagon, many wearing blue bracelets in support of the cause, and a little bit of over-sharing might have taken place, but still, a bunch of money and awareness was raised. The success of this venture has led Rogers, Bell’s rival, to do something very similar. On January 31st, Roger’s launched their Everybody Poops campaign, where for every tweet or text that included the hashtag RogersEverybodyPoops, six cents would be donated to gastrointestinal health initiative across the country.
These are some of the tweets that went out on that day:
Clint Eastwood
Go ahead, make my day and RT #RogersEverybodyPoops
Anonymous
Bowel movements are nothing to be ashamed of!! Please RT #RogersEverybodyPoops
Sarah Polley
Life’s no picnic when every bowel movement feels like an emergency. Please help by retweeting #RogersEverybodyPoops
Anonymous
We need to end the stigma that prevents people from talking openly about their bowel movements! Fight silence!! #RogersEverybodyPoops
William Shatner
I had a rectal polyp the size of a walnut and the pain was unreal. #RogersEverybodyPoops
Anonymous
Fart jokes are not funny!! They are a form of BULLYING! Please RT #RogersEverybodyPoops
Justin Trudeau
What would Justin do? Justin would bring attention to the gastrointestinal health of Canadians. Let’s knock out Colon Cancer! #RogersEverybodyPoops
Anonymous
I didn’t fart in front of my boyfriend for three years. Why?? The silence and shame must stop! #RogersEverybodyPoops
Anonymous
Because of my IBS I have to use public washrooms all the time and it is unsafe #RogersEverybodyPoops
Dion Phaneuf
Nobody likes to leave a floater in the toilet. #RogersEverybodyPoops
Anonymous
My stool is very unpredictable and always smells horrible. It’s time for pooping to come out of the closet! #RogersEverybodyPoops
Rob Ford
Nothing feels as awesome as a good dump, so let’s give all Canadians, not just the elites, that opportunity. #RogersEverydodyPoops
Anonymous
The runs aren’t just something that happens to your stockings. We need to talk about this! #RogersEverybodyPoops
Pamela Anderson
Nothing is a bigger turn off than blood or mucus in your stool. Let’s get our shit together! #RogersEverybodyPoops
As it turns out, Rob Ford, Toronto’s embattled, fiscally conservative, crack-smoking mayor is amongst those who have applied for this one-way ticket to the future.
This is his application.
Tell us a little about yourself:
My name is Rob Ford and I’m still mayor of Toronto, one of North America’s largest cities and greatest sport’s towns!! You might have heard of the Toronto Maple Leafs, the CN Tower or maybe some lies that the media made up about me. We’re pretty big-city here.
Anyway, I’m an alpha male, big and powerful, like a lumberjack or a white football player who ferociously protects his QB; loyal, not stubborn. I’m a straight-shooting son of gun who tells it like it is, and I like to have a good time. Let me tell you, you’ll always know when the Big Dog is in the house because there’ll never be a dull or non-confrontational moment! I will bring the energy and flat-out RAWK the Martian Mansion! I am a walking exclamation point!!! Think Snooki times six!
I’m also straight. The idea of guys kissing grosses me out. They can do what they want underground or wherever, but when it’s in front of me, I need them to show some respect.
I’m really into the ladies, am likely still able to father children and would be totally open to any romantic entanglements that might develop on Mars. I think everybody should have a shot at love, even if it’s on a different planet far away from your wife that you’ve been married to for a like a billion years. Personally, I like blondes the best, blondes like Seven of Nine from Star Trek: Voyager and Jessica Simpson. Hell, I don’t care that Jessica Simpson went out and put on some weight from drinking and having a baby! She was under a lot of stress, which I completely and totally understand, so if Jessie put on a few, big whoop, it just means there’s more for me!
Favourite movie: A Clockwork Orange
Favourite city: Chicago
Favourite band: Triumph
Tell us why you’d like to go to Mars:
My favourite colour is red. LOL!! I’m just kidding. (I have a really good sense of humour and could really boost the spirits of the other pioneers, and keep our massive viewing audience laughing.)
But seriously, Commander Chris Hadfield, the Canadian who was up in the International Space Station Tweeting back to earth, has inspired me to want to become an astronaut. I could totally do what he did.
Here are some of my sample Tweets:
“From space, Chicago is an intricate tapestry of partying lights.”
“Who let the dogs out? Rob! Rob! Rob!”
“The Earth, small and blue and beautiful in eternal, floating silence.”
“Quietly, like a night bird, floating, soaring, wingless, I can blot you out with my thumb.”
Anyway, Hadfield is like a saint around here and can’t do anything wrong. The media, who tell lies about me and hunt me like I was a big, beautiful wild animal, think that everything he does is right and everything that I do sucks and instantly turns to crap. They’re trying to tackle me, the media, and that’s not fair. Earth people are negative all the time, and just don’t get Rob Ford. I think I’d like to get off this little blue bean and take on the challenge of colonizing a new, media-free planet.
I’m not scared to kill things with my hands if that’s what it takes to live on Mars.
If I can quote, “I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no, I’m a rocket man.”
Also, I believe very strongly in free enterprise and would friggin’ love to start a brand-new economy that has no bureaucrats and very little municipal governance. That would be a dream, that and coaching football again. I would LOVE to be the greatest football coach in Martian history, and one day, I would hope to become mayor of Mars, too, or rather, my district of Mars.
I was built for space.
Rob Ford
PS: The rumors that I was rejected for “Celebrity Apprentice” are ridiculous.
]]>