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M: There is a power outage!!! All is dark!!!
M: It’s another World Class power failure!
M: I think it’s the third this month.
M: Yes, I did call Rob Ford.
M: Couldn’t get through.
M: Got a message that said my problem was important to him.
M: My feet are cold.
M: We should get a heating pad that works without electricity if we’re going to live in Toronto.
M: Oh, right! A hot water bottle!
M: Yeah, I bet hipsters make them to look like owls. We should get one for our emergency kit.
M: What am I doing?
M: I’m lying in bed wishing I had a hot water bottle.
M: Yes, I guess I am draining my phone battery.
M: Yes, I am in complete darkness.
M: Except for the little glow of my iPhone.
M: When I turn off my iPhone, it must be exactly what it’s like to be a ghost.
M: Well no, I can’t float about or pass through walls.
M: Look, I don’t know why you have to be so difficult about this.
M: We really don’t know if ghosts can see or not. Maybe that’s why they pass through walls– they can’t see them but instead of bumping into them, they just pass right through!
M: Well, I don’t know how they know where the people are if they can’t see. Maybe they have super hearing?
M: Look, I just figured ghosts live in darkness is all, okay?
M: Whatever.
M: Okay.
M: Fine, maybe it’s more what it’s like for a dead person than for a ghost.
M: You people with power sure are arrogant.
M: I’m going to light a candle and see if I become all stuck up.
M: Oh my God.
M: The apocalypse blood-red moon was today!
M: I forgot that!
M: I just heard a wolf howl!
M: This could be the end of the world, and we’re fighting about what it’s like to be a ghost!
M: So petty.
M: Look, I’ve done a lot of research on ghosts, you know.
M: Have to.
M: No.
M: No, I’ve never talked to one so I don’t know what their lives are really like.
M: Fine. Rachelle 1, Michael 0.
M: You just don’t care about the apocalypse, do you?
M: It’s a pretty big deal.
M: Fuck, my battery is nearly dead and there are three weird looking people with shopping carts on the street.
M: It’s like they’re plotting.
M: Yes, plotting to take our bottles, but something worse, too.
M: I can feel it.
M: I’m scared.
M: And I don’t know where my inhaler is!!
M: Fuck!!
M: When are you getting home?!
M: Where’s the Ativan???
M: Oh.
M: Light just came back on.
M: Bottle collecting murders are still staring though.
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michaelmurrayca: We’re finally leaving the cold, dark ice cave of Toronto!
michaelmurrayca: First, passing through the Rosedale Valley of Death. The forest is looming bent and horrible over road, like tree in Poltergeist.
michaelmurrayca: Oh. All of Toronto also fleeing apocalypse city.
michaelmurrayca: Avoid highway unless you find tranquility in stillness. Move through car wash at much greater velocity.
michaelmurrayca: Red tail lights in front of us stretching from here to Mordor. # LikeDeathLava
michaelmurrayca: Time of winter day when everything is the same colour– even salt-wretched cars in traffic jam.
michaelmurrayca: Now moving like pre-twilight wolves through landscape! Oh. Never mind. Traffic jam again. #BoxingDayBestDayOfYear
michaelmurrayca: Empty, Dark Onroutes, like post-apocalyptic tumble weeds, litter the side of highway like reminder of life we once knew.
michaelmurrayca: Very hungry. #Hangry
michaelmurrayca: Port Hope Pizza Pizza is a crime scene. 40 customers, 1 employee. #ThereWillBeBlood
michaelmurrayca: Now full of McDonald Happy Meal. You know how I feel.
michaelmurrayca: Now trapped in an actual parking lot. Feel like punching things.
michaelmurrayca: Now moving as fast as flying dolphins! Our lives redeemed!
michaelmurrayca: Flying dolphins tricked into traffic jam cove! Hate tricks!
michaelmurrayca: 3 hours 46 minutes to not yet Belleville.
michaelmurrayca: My wife doesn’t so much like me playing Nick Cave in a traffic crisis.# BadTasteWife!
michaelmurrayca: Can’t believe wife doesn’t like listening to Sting! # WhoIsThisWoman?
michaelmurrayca: Now playing girl music. #MarriageTipsForTrafficJam
michaelmurrayca: Retract usage of “girl music,” meant “good music.” Very lucky to have wife like Rachelle!#MarriageProTip
michaelmurrayca: Apparently I “yell” when I speak on the phone, and ” should have gotten your (my) fucking driver’s license decades ago.”# whatever
michaelmurrayca: Stony silence for an hour and a half good for both our morale.
michaelmurrayca: Now listening to Christian motivational CD. God wants us to succeed.
michaelmurrayca: Let Jesus be your co-pilot, says voice on CD. No idea how to apply that to a traffic jam.# UselessChristianTips
michaelmurrayca: If I was King of Kings, would create traffic removal trucks instead of just snow removal trucks. #UsefulThingsGodCouldDo
michaelmurrayca: Also, if King of Kings would move Toronto and Ottawa closer together. 3 hour trip regardless of transportation method. #SoSayethTheLord
michaelmurrayca: Just didn’t expect to hit a deer while in a traffic jam. Very demoralizing, especially since deer Rachelle’s spirit guide.
michaelmurrayca: Pretty sure Christmas now very, very ruined.
michaelmurrayca: Very dark stretch of the road, like Cormac McCarthy novel only without spears and fancy language.
michaelmurrayca: Traffic loosening up after Kingston, but now icy and douche trucks everywhere!!
michaelmurrayca: We both tried to love you and the world the best we could!
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