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Wrestling – Welcome To The Magical Friendship Squad! http://michaelmurray.ca Michael Murray Writes Things Mon, 06 Nov 2017 22:26:19 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.2 New US Ambassadors http://michaelmurray.ca/new-us-ambassadors http://michaelmurray.ca/new-us-ambassadors#respond Mon, 06 Nov 2017 22:26:19 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=6633 Via Twitter, President Donald Trump announced a new wave of ambassadorial appointments today:

Donald J Trump: I am honoured to announce that Jose Canseco will now be serving as the US ambassador to Pakistan.

Donald J Trump: Jose Canseco, great guy and helluva ballplayer. Got to know him well on Celebrity Apprentice. Made great pizza under pressure. Only used the highest quality ingredients. Shouted out the orders clearly.

Donald J Trump: Didn’t always like the way he looked at Ivanka, but what can you do? He’s a man. I’m her father, and I still look. What curves. She’s a 10.

Donald J Trump: Jose has slept with countless women. Quality, deluxe women.

Donald J Trump: But not Ivanka.

Donald J Trump: Pakistania, lock up your ladies!

 

Donald J Trump: Very proud to announce that still hot ex-supermodel Nicki Taylor is the new US Ambassador to Russia.

Donald J Trump: Way she handled Gary Busey on Celebrity Apprentice made it clear to me that she can handle whatever you throw at her.

Donald J Trump: You can thank me later, Russia.

 

Donald J Trump: I am honoured to announce that the great WWE superstar star Goldberg, will now be the US Ambassador to the Jews.

Donald J Trump: Pure winner. Went 173 matches without a single loss. Commanding presence on Celebrity Apprentice. Can lift a helicopter over his head.

Donald J Trump: Should really turn things around for the Jews– bring our people closer together after all Hillary did to tear us apart.

Donald J Trump: Palestinia, you better watch your step.

 

Donald J Trump: Proud to announce that the beautiful Kaitlyn Schoeffel, Miss New Jersey 2017, will be the new US Ambassador to casinos all around the world.

Donald J Trump: Real firecracker.

Donald J Trump: Kaitlyn isn’t just another hot lady in a bathing suit, but is also an incredible dancer with great, American values and manners.

Donald J Trump: Beauty Pageant questions are tough. No way to prepare. HUGE challenge for ordinary people.

Donald J Trump: But not Kaitlyn, knocked the question about confederate statues out of the park! Just wow.

Donald J Trump: Real team player. Never hear about a sexual harassment suit from her. Class act, class ass. Perfect for the casino community.

]]> http://michaelmurray.ca/new-us-ambassadors/feed 0 Twitter War Between Old Spice and Taco Bell http://michaelmurray.ca/twitter-war-between-old-spice-and-taco-bell http://michaelmurray.ca/twitter-war-between-old-spice-and-taco-bell#respond Wed, 18 Jul 2012 17:18:32 +0000 http://michaelmurray.ca/?p=2431 Old Spice has a marketing campaign that targets a constituency of douches. Self-parodic, they attempt to mine the psyche of 20something dudes with one-liners and videos that are the sort of thing that might be funny if you’re stoned. It’s ironic, white-boy bluster, the common parlance of chubby young men in fantasy sports leagues who believe that their most likely avenue into the world of sex is that they’re self-aware.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, I present a couple of Tweets coming out of the Old Spice marketing factory:

“Why would anyone complain about it being so hot out you can cook bacon on the hood of your car? Seems like a good thing to me.”

“With Old Spice Danger Zone you’ll smell like volcano powered motorcycles and ninja punching.”

“Velociraptor training is one of those things that’s best left to the experts.”

You get the picture.

A recent Tweet by Old Spice read:

“Why is it that “fire sauce” isn’t made with any real fire? Seems like false advertizing.”

Unexpectedly, they go this response from Taco Bell that started up a great Corporate Twitter War.

Taco Bell

@OldSpice Is your deodorant made with really old spices?

 

Old Spice

@TacoBell You should be giving out Old Spice Danger Zone with each one of your manky burritos. Those things smell like some sweaty disease.

 

Taco Bell

@OldSpice Why do you collaborate with the Taliban? Doesn’t America mean anything to you?

 

Old Spice

@TacoBell If you were an Olympic Event you would be diarrhea.

 

Taco Bell

@OldSpice You’re soap on a dope.

 

Old Spice

@TacoBell Is it true you slaughter all your meat by crossbow?

 

Taco Bell

@OldSpice Aluminum Chloride, an agent commonly found in deodorants, causes breast cancer.

 

Old Spice

@TacoBell Your face causes breast cancer.

 

Taco Bell

@OldSpice Girls hate you because you smell bad, no amount of compensating will ever make up for that.

 

OldSpice

@TacoBell Only 36% of your “Taco Beef Filling” is actually beef. What makes up the other 64%? My guess is AIDS.

 

Taco Bell

@OldSpice Old, rotten, cancer-causing Spice is owned by Mormons who wear funny underwear. Also, girls hate your tiny, taco beef filling.

Old Spice

@TacoBell I think I could punch you in the face now.

 

Taco Bell

@OldSpice You mean flail about girlishly with your eyes closed, don’t you?

 

Old Spice

@TacoBell No, I mean punch you in the face with a jagged brick and then watch you bleed “Taco Beef Filling” through your hair net.

 

Taco Bell

@ OldSpice Are you getting turned on?

 

Old Spice

@TacoBell Yes.

 

Taco Bell

@OldSpice Let’s merge, let’s merge now!!

 

Old Spice

@TacoBell Turn off the web cam!! I mean, turn it on, turn it on!!

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