Everybody knows that Rob Ford is a dick, but it\u2019s entirely possible that people outside of Canada have yet to learn that Conrad Black is also a dick.<\/p>\n

Black was once a Canadian media tycoon. Nauseatingly epicurean, he employs the most ornate, complex vocabulary available. He does this as if it was the side effect of some medication, like a spasm he can\u2019t control. It sickens most people, but Black seems unable to control it, always hopeful that his erudition and verbal mastery will intimidate and dazzle anybody caught in its bright glare. Really, every time he speaks, you just want to start swinging a lead pipe.<\/p>\n

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Further, back in 2001 Black got in a spat with the Canadian government over whether he could accept a UK peerage in the British House of Lords that would confer upon him the title Baron Black. He renounced his citizenship over this. Canada was simply too small-minded and parochial for his talents and ambitions, so he was convicted of fraud in the US where he served nearly four years in prison. Now, at 69, he\u2019s back in Canada co-hosting a show at ZoomerTV.<\/p>\n

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Anyway, on Monday he interviewed Rob Ford on the show. It turns out that as they both hate big government and the law, they got on like a publicity hungry house on fire. They were practically combing one another\u2019s hair by the time it was done. The union has been made, and from now on Conrad Black has pledged to serve as Rob Ford\u2019s official mouthpiece, translating whatever our multi-tasking mayor happened to spit out.<\/p>\n

This is a sample of some recent Ford quotes and their subsequent rearticulation by Conrad Black:<\/p>\n

Ford Quote: \u201cI\u2019ll rip his fucking throat out, I\u2019ll poke his eyes out \u2026 I\u2019ll make sure that motherfucker\u2019s dead! I need ten minutes to make sure he\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Blackification: \u201cThe villain had best protect his vital regions for my rage is just and unlimited. If I have but 10 minutes with that blackguard, he will know he has encountered a true gentleman, and et factum est in morte.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ford Quote: \u201cThat is not a crack house.\u00a0 Have you visited the house? Have you walked in the house? No you haven\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

Blackification: \u201c That is not a freebase domicile in which certain elements, those that are distressing to civil society, avail themselves, as they say in the vernacular, to crack, base, rock, iron, cavvy, or any other terms of address. Have you been to this commorancy? Have you navigated through its corridors and rooms? No, you have not, so what right do you have to call it, as you so vulgarly do, \u201ca crack house?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Ford Quote: \u201cOh, and the last thing, was Olivia Gondek, it says, I wanted to eat her pussy… have never said that in my life to her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Blackification: \u201c It has been asserted by certain agencies that I told a young woman named Olivia Gondek, pulchritudinous, I am sure, that I wished to stimulate her in a particular fashion, and although I am very adept at such stimulations, I can assure you that no such offer was made.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Everybody knows that Rob Ford is a dick, but it\u2019s entirely possible that people outside of Canada have yet to learn that Conrad Black is also a dick.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4006,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4002"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4002"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4002\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4009,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4002\/revisions\/4009"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4006"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4002"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}