One might wonder what the Victoria\u2019s Secret fashion show has to do with\u00a0reality. One might sit around for a considerable amount of time pondering\u00a0the matter, letting images drift and repeat, \u00a0until eventually falling into\u00a0a flesh and lace induced stupor, only to be woken by the piercing shriek of\u00a0Tyra Banks, who between her daily \u00a0talk show, America\u2019s Next Top model and\u00a0her Victoria\u2019s Secret swan song is omnipresent and loud. Each year\u00a0(coincidentally around Christmas time!), we are presented with the\u00a0Victoria\u2019s Secret fashion show. It\u2019s a weird confection, one that projects\u00a0the false back stage hysteria of Entertainment Tonight and the insider\u00a0giddiness of Fashion TV \u00a0with just a dash of Cirque de Soleil added in a\u00a0surreal and feeble attempt to make it \u201carty.\u201d I think the idea might be to\u00a0turn this thinly-veiled infomercial into a Christmas TV tradition (think\u00a0\u201cthe Grinch\u201d or \u201cA Very Brady Christmas\u201d). In truth, it\u2019s just an excuse for\u00a0men to feel OK about leering at sex fantasies while pretending to get gift\u00a0ideas for their wives. Whether these gifts make anybody feel any better or\u00a0sexier is a matter for debate. I imagine that many women, clad in their\u00a0husbands\u2019 idea of fantasy lingerie, might feel distinctly unlike Giselle\u00a0Bundchen and just, well, ridiculous.<\/p>\n

A friend of mine who lived for a time in both New York and London, claims to\u00a0have seen a number of super-models out in the city. He also claims that\u00a0they\u2019re not attractive. Preternaturally thin and curvy, they seem a\u00a0different species, alien. Striking, yes, but attractive? No. Cubist\u00a0renditions of women, particular features exaggerated to alarming effect, he\u00a0said that he wasn\u2019t at all attracted to them, that they bore no resemblance\u00a0to the women of Earth. And so it is that the genetic marvels that comprise\u00a0the super-modeling community of the world really only exist in and for our\u00a0imagination. \u00a0They\u2019re visual projections of the media that have nothing to\u00a0do with reality, conjured as if by magic to sell us a sense of want,\u00a0inferiority and ill-fitting jeans.<\/p>\n

The show is absurd and very nearly impossible to watch. I mean it. I\u2019m not\u00a0just saying that because I think my girlfriend will get mad at me if I say\u00a0it was hot, hot, hot. It is not hot, hot, hot, it is stupid, stupid, stupid (once again I ask you to think \u201cA Very Brady Christmas). It commences with\u00a0the soft core trumpet-stylings of Chris Bolti and slo-motion shots of the\u00a0various models standing around back-stage getting primped and buffed like\u00a0the high performance vehicles of fashion they are. There are quick cuts\u00a0everywhere. Behind the scenes of the fashion show it is a frenzy of activity\u00a0and gathering momentum as beautiful women collide and jiggle, an obviously\u00a0gay and obviously French man is brandishing a mike, telling them \u201cto make it\u00a0as \u2018ot, \u2018ot and sexy as it \u2018as ever been!!\u201d Somebody else yells GOGOGO!! and\u00a0the models \u00a0gallop onto a stage that\u2019s festooned with a huge stuffed bear,\u00a0gift boxes and a multitude of candy canes. With wings attached they Rock n\u2019Roll down the catwalk like the saucy colts they are.<\/p>\n

If this is not enough charisma and sexual energy for you, then you are\u00a0blessed to discover that there are live musical performances. Seal. Remember\u00a0him? A bald, black man who looks like he could have been a character on an\u00a0episode of Star Trek? Well, he\u2019s married to Heidi Klum now, and since she is\u00a0both a super-model and the nominal host of the show, he got to sing his hit\u00a0song Crazy. Models marched past as he and his wife blew kisses at one\u00a0another. It was touching in a gratuitous and completely fake kind of way. We\u00a0were also treated to the spectacle of Ricky Martin who once again tried to\u00a0gamely proclaim his heterosexuality through song. His gestures toward dance\u00a0indicated that he could be afflicted with any number of physical or mental\u00a0disorders. It was very embarrassing, like watching the drunk guy at the\u00a0office Christmas party dancing to Rock Lobster.<\/p>\n

Tyra Banks officially announced that she was retiring from the runway after\u00a0this, her last show. Like the aged professional athlete who just doesn\u2019t\u00a0know when to quit, Tyra looked a little lost and out of place. In comparison\u00a0to the other models, Tyra has super-sized things. Most were wearing thongs\u00a0made from dental floss or the slenderest thread from a spider\u2019s web, but\u00a0Tyra was pretty well concealed. They didn\u2019t have her in flannel pajamas, but\u00a0it was pretty clear that by next year they would. To compensate for her\u00a0special wardrobe, Tyra struck a variety of fierce poses, showing us that\u00a0personality counts, too. She ended by marching off the stage holding a\u00a0scepter above her head, proclaiming that her interests had evolved, and that\u00a0now she wanted to help people (through her daytime talk show, which it turns\u00a0out was marketed with just as much zeal as any of the lingerie that was\u00a0modeled), rather than seduce them. Me too, Tyra, me too, I know exactly how\u00a0you feel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One might wonder what the Victoria\u2019s Secret fashion show has to do with\u00a0reality. One might sit around for a considerable amount of time pondering\u00a0the matter, letting images drift and repeat, \u00a0until eventually falling into\u00a0a flesh and lace induced stupor, only to be woken by the piercing shriek of\u00a0Tyra Banks, who between her daily \u00a0talk show, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/563"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=563"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/563\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaelmurray.ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=563"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}