Last week I went on a little road trip with Rachelle\u2019s father. We took a couple of days and toured about a few of the towns north of Toronto, staying our last night at the White Towers Motel in Barrie, Ontario.<\/p>\n

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What follows are the text messages that I received from my wife Rachelle on that final night.<\/p>\n

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Hey Pickle, how are you doing?<\/p>\n

Oh, that\u2019s too bad.<\/p>\n

Why are you scared?<\/p>\n

Really??!!<\/p>\n

You think you\u2019re going to be murdered?<\/p>\n

That\u2019s too bad!<\/p>\n

But yes, I am flattered that you want to leave everything to me.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s exciting to think about redecorating.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m certainly going to take down the baseball posters.<\/p>\n

And that picture of you in the Tilley hat.<\/p>\n

It is a Tilley hat.<\/p>\n

No, it\u2019s not an Australian Outback hat.<\/p>\n

No, I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re right, your getting murdered is more important.<\/p>\n

I am really very concerned about you getting murdered tonight.<\/p>\n

No, I don\u2019t want it to happen.<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve never wanted it to happen.<\/p>\n

No, not even very much then.<\/p>\n

No, my dad doesn\u2019t want to kill you.<\/p>\n

He will not strangle you in your sleep.<\/p>\n

He may snore, but he won\u2019t strangle you.<\/p>\n

By the way, why do you think tonight is the night that you get murdered?<\/p>\n

Oh, I see.<\/p>\n

Well, why are you guys staying at a drug and whore motel?<\/p>\n

Is it because your road trip is actually all about drugs and whores?<\/p>\n

It kind of sounds like it might be.<\/p>\n

I am taking you seriously.<\/p>\n

So, scary looking people have been watching you and the night manager is mean.<\/p>\n

Oh, not mean, just unkind in nature.<\/p>\n

I see.<\/p>\n

So, he\u2019s probably not going to be the murderer.<\/p>\n

Have you and my dad discussed how you\u2019re most likely to be murdered?<\/p>\n

I\u2019d bet on a screwdriver stabbing.<\/p>\n

Yeah, it would probably hurt pretty bad.<\/p>\n

Aww, I love you, too, sweetie.<\/p>\n

You tell Jesus I say hi and that\u2019s he doing very good work!<\/p>\n

I will miss you.<\/p>\n

But as I said, it will be nice to redecorate.<\/p>\n

I want to make an accent wall in the living room where your baseball posters are.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s nice that you want me to find love after your gone.<\/p>\n

Yeah, I suppose I probably will.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m young and pretty after all.<\/p>\n

I guess it\u2019s just your time, Pickle.<\/p>\n

The chariot is going to swing low to pick you up tonight.<\/p>\n

Oh, I didn\u2019t realize that you two were armed for the night.<\/p>\n

You have pepper spray for bears?<\/p>\n

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Really?!<\/p>\n

And a hunting knife???<\/p>\n

They\u2019re from one of my father\u2019s camping trips?<\/p>\n

Oh, Lord.<\/p>\n

You two are drunk, aren\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

Oh, I knew it.<\/p>\n

And you were talking about scary movies in the car.<\/p>\n

Look, why don\u2019t you two just go somewhere else where you don\u2019t think you\u2019ll be murdered?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want you two to attack one another when you bump into each other on the way to the washroom.<\/p>\n

Who do I think would win?<\/p>\n

Well, my dad.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s about a foot taller than you and weighs 100 pounds more.<\/p>\n

Okay, if you had both weapons and he was unarmed and sleeping\u2026<\/p>\n

Well no, actually you would still lose.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re jittery, Pickle, you\u2019d pepper spray yourself and drop the knife on your foot.<\/p>\n

Yes, you would.<\/p>\n

Remember when you tried out the fire sticks at Julia\u2019s party?<\/p>\n

Kiki\u2019s fur never grew back and Julia has never forgiven us, you know.<\/p>\n

Oh, gotta go, Kitchen Nightmares is on!<\/p>\n

We had a good run, Pickle, and remember, don\u2019t be scared of the light, that\u2019s where all your old pets are!<\/p>\n

xoxxo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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