Rob Ford, the Mayor of Toronto, is a fiscal conservative. He\u2019s a large, life-lovin\u2019 kinda guy who likes football, drinking, getting angry and most of all the other things one might predict that guys who enjoy football, drinking and getting angry like. One of these things he seems to like to do is not really like the gays.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

They\u2019re just not his bag.<\/p>\n

I think that they make him squirmy.<\/p>\n

You know, eww!<\/p>\n

At any rate, Toronto is full of the gays and each year there is a massive Pride Parade, one of the largest in the world, and typically the Mayor of Toronto attends, regardless of how uncomfortable he may look amongst the Go-Go boys, atomic water guns and piercings.<\/p>\n

Not Rob Ford. He goes to the family cottage every July 1^{st<\/sup> weekend and will not bow to the moral or political pressure to attend. He\u2019s his own man, and if he wants to be drinking beer while floating about a lake in an inner tube, then that\u2019s where he\u2019ll be, damn it!<\/p>\n}

That is where he\u2019s going to be this year.<\/p>\n

You should know that I used to drink with Rob Ford back when he was a student at Carleton University and was known as The Slobber. <\/a><\/p>\n

We were both last call regulars at a local bar and we became friendly in the way that only barflies can. Even though we never had a sober conversation, we became buddies, and in spite of the fact we haven\u2019t seen one another in over 15 years, we still message one another when drinking alone.<\/p>\n

At 1:18 in the morning yesterday I got this message.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rob: Mur, you see what they do to the Oreo!?<\/p>\n

Me: Slobber!!!<\/p>\n

Rob: They dressed it up like it was a fairy!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: The Homoreo.<\/p>\n

Rob: I don\u2019t want my kids eating Homoreos!<\/p>\n

Me: You won\u2019t even believe what they\u2019re thinking of doing to Cheerios!<\/p>\n

Rob: An Oreo is an Oreo. White between black. You don\u2019t tamper with that. It\u2019s unnatural.<\/p>\n

Me: You can\u2019t play God with an oreo! But what about the free market? Shouldn\u2019t the free market decide what\u2019s right?<\/p>\n

Rob: WE\u2019RE TALKING ABOUT FUCKEN OREOS!<\/p>\n

Me: Has the Cookie Monster come out on this yet?<\/p>\n

Rob: HAHAAHA.<\/p>\n

Me: Seriously, the Cookie Monster and Kermit have long been suspected of being gay. They might be behind this.<\/p>\n

Rob: Yer fucken with me.<\/p>\n

Me: Yeah.<\/p>\n

Rob: If I was there I\u2019d punch ya in the head! Hey, you remember Jennifer?<\/p>\n

Me: The waitress?<\/p>\n

Rob: Yeah, Jennifer the ass waitress, not Jennifer the tits waitress.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Me: She used to let us order two for last call.<\/p>\n

Rob: I think about her, you know. Can\u2019t find her on Facebook.<\/p>\n

Me: Can you make trades for the Maple Leafs, you know, being the Mayor and all?<\/p>\n

Rob: If I could, I\u2019d make Jennifer my wife. Fuck she was hot. She was my favourite chicken wing.<\/p>\n

Me: Are you sad, Slobber?<\/p>\n

Rob: Yeah, it\u2019s wrong what they did to the Oreo. The world\u2019s changing around us, Mur, it\u2019s changing fast\u2014outta ice, be back in 2!<\/p>\n

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