Old Spice has a marketing campaign that targets a constituency of douches. Self-parodic, they attempt to mine the psyche of 20something dudes with one-liners and videos that are the sort of thing that might be funny if you\u2019re stoned. It\u2019s ironic, white-boy bluster, the common parlance of chubby young men in fantasy sports leagues who believe that their most likely avenue into the world of sex is that they\u2019re self-aware.<\/p>\n

To give you an idea of what I\u2019m talking about, I present a couple of Tweets coming out of the Old Spice marketing factory:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would anyone complain about it being so hot out you can cook bacon on the hood of your car? Seems like a good thing to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith Old Spice Danger Zone you\u2019ll smell like volcano powered motorcycles and ninja punching.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVelociraptor training is one of those things that’s best left to the experts.\u201d<\/p>\n

You get the picture.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

A recent Tweet by Old Spice read:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy is it that \u201cfire sauce\u201d isn\u2019t made with any real fire? Seems like false advertizing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Unexpectedly, they go this response from Taco Bell that started up a great Corporate Twitter War.<\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@OldSpice Is your deodorant made with really old spices?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Old Spice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell You should be giving out Old Spice Danger Zone with each one of your manky burritos. Those things smell like some sweaty disease.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@OldSpice Why do you collaborate with the Taliban? Doesn\u2019t America mean anything to you?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Old Spice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell If you were an Olympic Event you would be diarrhea.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@OldSpice You\u2019re soap on a dope.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Old Spice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell Is it true you slaughter all your meat by crossbow?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@OldSpice Aluminum Chloride, an agent commonly found in deodorants, causes breast cancer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Old Spice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell Your face causes breast cancer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@OldSpice Girls hate you because you smell bad, no amount of compensating will ever make up for that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

OldSpice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell Only 36% of your \u201cTaco Beef Filling\u201d is actually beef. What makes up the other 64%? My guess is AIDS.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@OldSpice Old, rotten, cancer-causing Spice is owned by Mormons who wear funny underwear. Also, girls hate your tiny, taco beef filling.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Old Spice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell I think I could punch you in the face now.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@OldSpice You mean flail about girlishly with your eyes closed, don\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Old Spice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell No, I mean punch you in the face with a jagged brick and then watch you bleed \u201cTaco Beef Filling\u201d through your hair net.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@ OldSpice Are you getting turned on?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Old Spice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell Yes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Taco Bell<\/p>\n

@OldSpice Let\u2019s merge, let\u2019s merge now!!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Old Spice<\/p>\n

@TacoBell Turn off the web cam!! I mean, turn it on, turn it on!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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